“Do you remember the last time you sat in that chair?”
Nodding my head, I whispered, “Yes, sir, I do.”
“Do you still love her, Tristan?”
Swallowing hard, I nodded my head. “I’ve messed up so many times with her, Dad. I’m not even sure if I got on my hands and knees and begged her, she’d come back to me.”
Lifting the corner of his mouth, he said, “Never know unless you try.”
Looking down, I began playing with a string that was on my sleeping pants. “Dad, what if there is something about me that I haven’t been . . . truthful about with Ryn? A piece of my life that I’m not sure she would want to be a part of.”
“You see, son, that’s the thing, you’re so worried about something that, according to you, Ryn won’t want to be a part of, but I don’t think that’s what has you pushing her away.”
“Oh really? So you’re a relationship expert now, Dad?”
Chortling, he shook his head. “Nah, but I have been around the block a time or two and what I see in your eyes son is nothing but utter fear. You’re so scared to give your heart to that girl that you’d rather hurt both of you with excuses and reasons why it would be better if you were apart.”
Nodding my head, I whispered, “That’s a big part of it. But, Dad, I don’t really know how to tell you this.” Pushing my hand through my hair, I whispered, “Shit.”
“If she loves you, Tristan, and you love her, you’ll both learn to love everything about each other. The good and the bad, son. The key is finding the right balance. This thing you’re so worried about, you’re not even giving her the chance to figure it out on her own.”
Shaking my head, I felt the emotions coming to the surface. “Dad, I have never in my life felt this way about anyone and that scares the piss out of me. I don’t want to do anything to push her away, yet that’s all I ever do. It’s a damn tug of war game I’m tired of playing.”
Sitting back in his chair and rocking a bit, he looked at me with a serious face. “Let’s just pretend that you and Ryn work things out and you finally tell that darling girl you love her.”
Smiling, I said, “Okay, let’s pretend.”
“You tell her about this thing you’re so worried about. If she asked you to pick between her and it, could you?”
“I want to say I’d pick Ryn, but it’s a part of who I am, Dad.”
“Then if she loves you and she knows this is part of who you are, she’ll accept it. Or she’ll try to anyway. You’ll see that and in the end, if she can’t accept it, I promise you son, love will win out every single time.”
I let my father’s words sink in. Never really thinking about it that way, I had a sense of hope. Leaning forward I smiled. “I don’t think I’m ready for the bottle yet Dad, but I think I’m getting close.”
Smiling from ear to ear, my father laughed. “This . . . this right here,” pointing between us he continued to talk. “This is what makes me so proud to be your father.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, Tristan. Now go get your warm milk and get some sleep.”
“Yes, Sir.” Standing, I turned and made my way to the door. Looking over my shoulder, I asked, “Wait, how did you know I was getting warm milk?”
Looking into my eyes he winked at me. “You used to have problems sleeping when you were about seven. Warm milk was the only thing we could give you to make you fall asleep.”
Shaking my head, I let out a small laugh before leaving and going to make my warm milk.
Once I was settled back into bed and my eyes grew heavy, I decided tomorrow I was going to talk to Ryn. I was done hiding my feelings. I was going to tell her I loved her and I prayed like hell she felt the same way about me.
STANDING, I STRETCHED MY LEGS and arms. Dropping my head back, I let the warm Texas sun beat down on me. I hardly slept last night. Lying in bed, I kept an eye on the clock. Every thirty minutes I would glance over at it. A part of me had hoped that Tristan would have snuck into the room and made love to me. Thinking about his lips on my body had the pressure growing between my legs. That hasn’t happened in a few weeks. Not since I declared that I was giving up on all men.
Joyce and Azurdee laughed about something; I glanced over their way. They both had their hands in the dirt digging up something in the garden. “Do y’all want something to drink?” I asked.
Azurdee nodded her head and stuck out her tongue. “Yes! It’s so hot for December. I’m fixin’ to melt, I swear.”
Joyce stood. “I’ll get some drinks.”
Holding up my hands, I gave Joyce a stern look. “No, you stay out here and do what you love doing, getting your hands dirty. I’ll go in and make us a few iced teas.” Giving me one of her famous motherly looks, Joyce asked, “Are you sure, Kathryn?”
“Yes. Stay out here and visit with, Dee.”
“Well, if you insist, I’ll take you up on that offer.”
Brushing off the dirt from my knees and taking my gloves off, I headed into the house. Pulling the back screen door open, I made my way to the refrigerator to get the iced tea out.
I heard a loud crash coming from Peter’s office. “Peter? Peter, are you okay?”
Setting the tea down on the island, I made my way out of the kitchen and into Peter’s office. The moment I walked into his office, something felt wrong. Looking around I saw his arm sticking out from behind the desk. Running over to the desk I saw Peter lying on the floor. “Oh my God.”
“Tristan!” I screamed. “Lark!”
I knew both boys were in the house because I had watched a sweaty Tristan walk by and say he was going to take a shower. Lark was right behind him, giving Azurdee a look that said meet me in our room in a few minutes.
Reaching down, I tried to find a pulse on Peter’s neck. “Tristan!” I screamed louder. I heard Tristan running down the stairs and into the office. I had Peter’s head on my lap as Tristan fell to the floor.
“Dad! Oh my God . . . don’t do this to us! Dad!”
Between my sobs, I said, “I can’t find a pulse.”
Lark came running in and Tristan screamed, “Call 911, Lark! Now!”
Azurdee sat next to me curled up in a ball in the hospital waiting room. I had been sitting with her for at least the last hour. Glancing up, I looked at Tristan. He was leaning over with his head in his hands as they rested on his knees. Lark sat next to his mother, holding her hand. No one talked. We all sat and waited for someone to walk through the double doors to tell us about Peter.
I’d never been so scared in my life as I was watching Tristan giving his own father CPR. At the same time, my heart hurt like it had never hurt before.
Azurdee sat up and looked at me. She asked, “Do you want some coffee?”
Nodding, I stood. “I’ll go get it. You stay here.”
Turning, I made my way out of the waiting room to the elevator. It felt as if I hadn’t slept in a week. I couldn’t even imagine how Joyce, Lark and Tristan were feeling.
The elevator opened and I slowly walked in. I felt someone come
in behind me. Turning, I saw Tristan. He was standing there, staring at me. I saw the fear in his eyes and I wanted nothing more than to hold him in my arms. The door shut and Tristan hit the button for the floor that the cafeteria was on. As soon as the elevator started moving, he reached back and hit the stop button. The elevator came to a stop and I let out a small gasp.
“Tristan, why did you stop the . . .” Before I could even finish talking, he had me pined against the back of the elevator. His lips were inches from mine. My breathing picked up and my heart had all but dropped to the ground.
“I’m not letting another second go by without telling you something.”
My eyes searched his face as I whispered, “Okay.”
Closing his eyes, he slowly shook his head. “This isn’t how I wanted to do this, Ryn.”
Swallowing hard, I asked, “Do what? Tristan, are you okay?”
His eyes snapped open and they searched my face. “No, baby. I haven’t been okay since last year.”
Oh my. He called me baby. Oh wow, his lips are so close to mine.
“Ryn, I can’t wait any longer. With my dad having a heart attack and us not knowing . . .” his voice cracked and I placed my hands on his arms.
“Tristan, he’s going to be okay. I feel it in my heart.”
His eyes moved up and locked with mine. The same look appeared in his eyes that was there the night he told me he was falling in love with me. “I love you, Ryn. I’ll love you forever.”
The air completely left my lungs as I tried to process what I just heard.
Tears built in my eyes as Tristan cupped both his hands to my face. “Please tell me I haven’t lost you forever, Ryn. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Opening my mouth, I fought to control the feelings rushing through my body. I was scared to death for Peter, yet at the same time, I’d never felt so alive and amazing. Then there was the guilt for feeling that way while Peter fought for his life.
Slowly shaking my head, I placed my hands over Tristan’s. “Tristan, I love you too. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Before I could utter another word, Tristan’s lips were pressed to mine. He kissed me like he was never going to be able to kiss me again. Our kiss quickly turned passionate as Tristan’s hands moved all over my body.