Brandt came toward me as car lights flashed in our driveway. “Fuck. I told them I’d meet them across town.”
The stress in his voice made my mind race. “Brandt, who’s here?”
“Just stay cool, baby. Give me the cash in your wallet. It’s not what you think.”
He grabbed my purse from my shoulder, and I let him take it. He took out about four hundred dollars that I had left from my business trip two weeks ago and tossed my purse behind us on the couch. Our house was a mess. I stood behind Brandt as three guys came in, not bothering to knock. They were in leather, shades, do rags on their heads, and covered in tats.
The leader spoke with a forced fake accent. “Hey, buddy, where’s our money? You said you’d meet us an hour ago. You’re late. You trying to skip town on us?”
When he looked around the room, I realized that it did look as if we were in a rush to leave—clothes and miscellaneous items were everywhere.
Brandt took the money from his wallet on the table and added it to mine. “Nah, man. I was on my way. I fell asleep.”
The leader took the money. “You’re about a thousand short, pal. You said you’d have fifteen hundred dollars as payment for your debt. That was the agreement when we gave you drugs in advance. Bossman is getting anxious for his fifteen grand you owe him.”
“I’ll to get it for you when the bank opens on Monday.” Brandt sounded calm.
They laughed, and my heart broke amid all the anxiety I felt. “Asshole, it’s Thursday. Has the blow fried you that much? The bossman is gonna have to start collecting from you in advance—before you’re a junkie who can’t pay his debts.”
The silver shades cut to me. Looking me over, the drug dealer gave me an appreciative smile. “I’d be willing to cover your debt, if you’d let me have a round or two with your bitch.”
This was not good. Not good at all. My mouth went dry, and I wished like hell I had my purse with my mace in it. I looked at Brandt, expecting him to immediately tell them to fuck off. But he didn’t. He looked at me and then back at the guy. I was stunned. This was not the Brandt I knew. The man I loved was gone.
I was about to speak when Brandt said, “I can’t man. She’s not part of the deal.”
I couldn’t believe that Brandt had even paused to consider it.
The dealer popped his knuckles. “Then, my friend, it’s time you learn your lesson. We’ve been lenient since you were a rich boy, but it seems those glory days are over.”
The thought of Brandt getting beaten slew me. Before I could even think, I blurted, “You’ll have the money tomorrow.”
The dealer pointed at me. “This is on you now. If you don’t pay, your body will pay for you.”
I shivered at the thought of him touching me. I’d kill him before it got that far.
Brandt voice lacked any authority as he spoke again. “This isn’t on her. You’ll have it.” He was barely keeping it together, scratching his palms.
The dealer and his two thugs pointed at me. “Tomorrow. Have the money by six, or you and I are gonna have ourselves a date, bitch.”
I stood firm, though my insides were shaking.
Brandt shook his head. “Leave her out of this, man.”
The dealer obviously saw the same thing that I did—Brandt wasn’t fully there. Without another word, the asshole left the house and a sob escaped me. My body shook as I moved to the couch. Our life, our love had been ruined by cocaine. I was not going to live like this. I was not going to be one of those girls who got sucked into a life of lies.
“Nikola, it’s not what you think.”
My head snapped up and I glared. I hated that line with every fiber of my being. “Brandt, it is what I think. You need help. I’ll get you the money, but then I’m gone.”
“Don’t say that, baby. I’ve got this under control.” He started searching through the clothes on the floor.
I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed his best friend. There was no way I could handle this on my own. Brandt was going to need someone to help him pick up the pieces. Our love hadn’t stopped him from using. Perhaps I was even the reason he was using. The thought hurt, but I needed to get Brandt help. I’d been talking to Adam about how we could help Brandt, and I needed his help now. On the second ring, Adam picked up. I headed back to what used to be our bedroom.
“Hey, Adam, it’s Nikola. Can you come over? Brandt’s dealer just paid us a visit. He’s on the hook for fifteen grand. Well, technically now I’m on the hook for it, too.”
I heard a door slam on the other end.
Brandt mumbled something about everything being fine. Bullshit.
“Shit. Are you okay, Nikola? I’m on my way. I called an interventionist this afternoon, like we talked about. We’re going to try to get Brandt into rehab.” Adam sounded anxious as I felt.
My heart jumped with hope, but then I heard Brandt curse, asking where he’d hidden his coke. Taking a deep breath, I said, “They wanted to trade the debt for sex with me. And Brandt hesitated! Adam, he paused! I can’t do this and worry he’s willing to trade me to get high. His mood is all over the place. I never know what I’m going to walk in on. I rarely even stay here anymore.”
“Fuck. He’s so messed up he that doesn’t know which way is up. You know the Brandt we know would never do that. Hell, I put us on salary and limited his access to the accounts when I figured out why he was blowing through money so quickly.”
I glanced back into the living room where Brandt had found his stash. He dumped the white powder out and putting it in a line. Not what I think? My heart hurt as he did a line, then sat back with a dumb smile on his face.
“Nikola, are you there?”
I knew what I had to do. “I’ll help you get him into rehab. I love him, Adam, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m leaving once we get him somewhere. He just snorted coke in our living room. He knows I’m here.
I can’t allow this. I won’t allow this.”
“I’m almost there. He loves you, Nikola. You’re his world.”
Seeing him sit on the couch with two more lines of blow in front of him made my heart break for the millionth time. Tears streamed down my face as I watched the life I’d planned for Brandt and me shatter.
“No, Adam, he loves his drugs. I won’t enable him.”
“I understand.”
“I’ll see you in a few.”
I went to the closet and started packing. Whatever I didn’t take tonight, I’d leave behind.
I blinked, bringing my world back into focus, and stepped under the scalding water. Adam had paid the drug dealers. He’d refused to let me do it. Adam had called me after Brandt had been admitted into rehab. I’d been at Grandmama’s dining room table, crying my eyes out after packing Brandt’s bags. The inexperienced interventionist had almost pushed Brandt out the door. Brandt refused help until Adam stood and said, ‘The drugs cost you Nikola. She’s gone. You’ll never get her back if you make the choice to keep using.’
Brandt hadn’t believed him, until Adam told him about that night with the drug dealer. Brandt had been coherent enough in that moment, with the interventionist there, to remember pieces of what had happened in our home. The realization of what he had done registered, and he went into treatment.
When Brandt got out of rehab, he never contacted me. I thought that maybe I threatened his sobriety. Afraid that I wouldn’t have the willpower make choices that were good for us—for Brandt—I’d cut myself off from everyone who knew Brandt.
But seeing Brandt again opened a jagged scar that never healed properly.
I PULLED UP to Dave’s Diner. Since it was open twenty-four hours, Quentin and I always met there. Despite the fake chrome accents and the goofy retro feel, the diner’s familiar setting seemed to help when I needed to sort through my shit. Quentin was already sitting in a red vinyl booth.
Quentin helped me filter through all the noise in my head when we talked. Deep down, I knew what my heart wanted when it came to Nikola, but I had to figure out what I should actually do. A warm gust hit me as I walked inside. Christmas music played, and it made me want to unplug the radio. I felt anything but jolly, and Christmas was over.