But there was still a lot that was the same—his never-ending patience, the fun, silly side that made me laugh, and the ability to express what he felt.
My heels sounded against the concrete as I walked from my car to the door of my Grandmama’s kitchen. As I entered, I called, “Hey, Grandmama, I’m here.”
She replied almost immediately, “Hey there! I’m in the back. I’ll be right there.”
After putting my coat and laptop bag on a barstool, I kicked off my heels. I was tired after four long days with a client. In the end, they’d disputed my suggestions, saying my ideas weren’t how they’d envisioned their brand. It was frustrating when they didn’t listen, but it was part of the game. I was only paid fifty percent for concept, rather than the full contract price, since they didn’t go with my plan. My expenses would be covered and I’d make a little in the end, but not as much as I had hoped.
A fresh chocolate pie sat on the bar, and the smell of cocoa had me salivating. Off to the side, flowers caught my eye. On second look, I noticed my name on the card.
Biting my lip, I opened the card. They were from Brandt.
“Well, I guess the message from Brandt was good.”
I glanced up and saw Grandmama in the doorway, a pleased look on her face.
Putting the card to my lips, I gave it a quick kiss before putting it back. “It was a very good note. He misses me.”
She chuckled as she got plates and forks for us. “Of course, he does. Didn’t he send you flowers daily while you were gone?”
“He did.” Brandt had been lavishing me with attention. Late one night, on an especially long day, he’d arranged for an in-room massage. It had been heavenly.
“I hope you guys can come over for dinner soon.”
Grandmama loved Brandt. She’d thought he was going to be my happily ever after. Even when we were broken up, a part of her knew we’d find our way back together.
Putting the card back in the holder with the message displayed, I answered, “Let me see when he has his next night off and I’ll let you know. He’d love it.”
“Good. Want some pie?”
“You have to ask?” I sat on the stool. She cut two slices and placed one in front of me. Here’s was a thin slice. The warm chocolate melted out of its perfect form. She placed a piece in front of me. I took a bite. “This is so good. How’d your doctor’s appointment go? I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
Dabbing a piece of chocolate from the corner of her mouth, Grandmama responded, “The doctor said it’s bronchitis. He prescribed me an antibiotic. I should be cough free in a couple of weeks. It was fairly severe.”
That was a relief. I always worried about Grandmama since she was getting older. I’d be lost without her. “Good, thank you for appeasing me and going.”
She took her last bite of pie and stood. “I shouldn’t have waited so long.” She patted me. “I need to finish those vests for the school.”
“Okay, I’ll be back in a second. I’m going to thank Brandt for the flowers.”
Grandmama winked and headed off to her sewing room. She was making little red vests for the kids at the local elementary school. They got badges for different things like math problems, spelling, good grades, friendship, and more. It was a neat program.
I pulled out my phone to text Brandt.
Me: Boy, someone sure does know how to make a girl feel special! I got these beautiful flowers and the sweetest note.
Brandt: It’s just the beginning, baby.
Me: I love them. Thank you.
Brandt: You’re most welcome. How was Grandmama’s appointment?
Me: She has bronchitis. So relieved. Should be clear in a few weeks. She invited you to dinner. Let me know when you can come next week.
Brandt: I’ll be available whatever night works for her. When are you getting here? I miss you. I have a meeting in about thirty minutes.
Me: I miss you, too. I hope we can spend more time together soon. How about in two hours? Need to take a shower.
Brandt: Perfect. Tell me when you’re here so I can meet you outside.
Me: Sounds good and I will.
Being back at the club was going to be a little intimidating—Brandt and I had an explosive history there. Tonight we’d only be on the bar side. I thought it was a good idea to ease back into the scene.
The sewing machine in the back room sounded like it was going ninety miles a minute. As a child, I’d lay on the daybed in there and let the hum of the machine lull me to sleep. Before I got ready, I wanted to spend some time with Grandmama, even if it was only watching her sew. Since Brandt had a meeting, I had time.
In the back room, a wallpaper boarder of needles and thread lined the top wall. Grandmama sat at her sewing table, effortlessly sewing the material. She’d given me sewing lessons as a kid, so I could sew some, but not like she could.
“Hey, Grandmama, mind if I keep you company before I get ready to head out?”
“Not at all. I’d love it.”
She continued with her task as I took my spot on the daybed. I listened to the sound of the machine as I processed where Brandt and I stood. The other night, when Brandt had wanted to kiss me, I longed to feel his lips against mine. I ached to feel him, but I needed to tell him about Lance first. I didn’t want any secrets between us.
Pulling out of the driveway, I waved to Grandmama at the window. She was headed to bed early. The medicine took its toll on her, and she was tired. As I hopped onto the highway, my phone chirped. Figuring it was Brandt, I opened the text.
My blood chilled when I saw Lance’s name appear on the screen.
Lance: Why haven’t you been home lately?
I pulled over. Lance and I lived in the same apartment complex. Since we’d broken up after sleeping together once, I rarely stayed there anymore. When Brandt had picked me up, Lance had spooked me by saying he knew I was home and was coming over to talk. Then there had been a tap on my window. I felt bad that I’d only given Brandt half the truth. I needed to tell him everything.
Me: Lance, it’s over between us. Please stop contacting me.
Lance: Have a good night, Nikola.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to push back the headache that formed. The lights from the dashboard cast a light glow within my car, calming me. An eighteen-wheeler sped by, making the car shake. With all the traffic, this had been a bad place to pull over. I put my blinker on and merged back into traffic.
My breathing was accelerated and I tried to slow it down. I needed to talk to someone. My first instinct was to call Brandt, but I didn’t want to put this stress on him. Plus, he was in a meeting. Wesley came to mind next. He picked up on the third ring.
“Hey, Nikola. You make it back okay?”
I pushed the lump down in my throat and said, “I did, but Lance just texted me. Asked me why I hadn’t been home lately. I asked him to stop contacting me, and he wished me a good night. Do you think I’m overreacting?”
“If it makes you uncomfortable, then no. Have you talked to Brandt about it?” His voice was warm and soothing. He was like the brother I’d never had.
I should have told Brandt, and I felt guilty. There were several times at the airport as we sat in the back of his SUV that I’d wanted to tell him but hadn’t. Part of me knew it would upset him that a guy was bothering me, and I wanted to avoid those triggers.
“Umm—no, I haven’t,” I confessed.
“Why not?” Wesley sounded as though he was driving, too, as his blinker sounded through the speaker.
“Umm—I don’t know.”
“Nikola, that’s bullshit, and you know it. What are you afraid of?”
I liked how Wesley always called it like it was. It reminded me of Brandt.
I blew out a big breath. “I’m afraid any extra stress could make us lose what we’ve got and even send him back to drugs. Why bother him with problems that may not even be problems? I want us to work so badly that I’m afraid I’ll make us fall apart.?
?
My lip began to tremble at the thought of losing Brandt again. I knew I needed to tell him everything.
“One second, Nikola.” There was mumbling on the other end of the phone. “Give me a second and I’ll be in.” There was more talking. I couldn’t make out who it was. “Sorry about that, Nikola. I’m over at Diane’s parents’ house. I’m going to talk to them about how I think Diane may be using again.”
I felt like shit bothering him with my petty drama. He had a girlfriend that might be on heroin again. I would be devastated if Brandt did that. It’s what terrified me.
“No, problem. We can talk later.”
“Sounds good. I’ll call you tomorrow. But, think about this: You can’t spend your relationship walking on eggshells because that’s not really a relationship. I could pretend I don’t think Diane is using and wring out the last few good days, but that doesn’t help anyone. Hit it head on. Be honest with Brandt about everything.”
In a whisper, I said, “I love him, Wesley. What if he only loves old me?”