“Ni-Nik-Nikola.”
I sat straight up, dread filling my head as Wesley’s broken voice came through on the other end. “Wesley, what’s wrong?”
He sobbed, and I clutched the phone tighter to my ear, hoping I didn’t miss what he said. “S-sh-she’s d-dead. Di-Diane is dead.”
“Wait. What? Diane is dead?”
Brandt sat up beside me as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“S-she over-overdosed. She’s de-dead. It’s a-all my f-fault.”
I got out of bed and started hunting for my clothes. “Wesley, where are you? I’m coming to you.”
Brandt got dressed, too. My lip quivered at Brandt’s never-ending support. He had a long day of interviews tomorrow for the new Club Manager positions, but he was going out with me in the middle of the night.
“I’m a-at m-my pl-place.”
“Okay, Wesley. I’m on my way. Don’t do anything. I’ll be there right away.”
He sounded lost. Wesley had been there for me through so much. It didn’t seem fair that I was getting my happy ending and he wasn’t. If something had happened to Brandt, I knew I’d be in the same shape. He was my beginning and my end.
“T-t-thank y-you, Ni-Nikola.”
“Of course. Hang tight.”
I hung up the phone, and Brandt stood at the door as I finished putting on my T-shirt. As I got closer, I went into his arms. “Thank you for getting better. Thank you for coming back for me. Thank you for fighting for your sobriety. I love you.”
Brandt’s hands came down to the side of my face, and I looked up into his eyes. “I will never stop fighting for us, and I’m never leaving you since I have you. Let’s go help Wesley. I’m sorry this happened to him.”
“Me, too. I had hoped they were going to get their happily ever after. They deserved a happily ever after.”
NIKOLA AND I were in a church, sitting in the third row with Wesley. At the front of the church sat a cream-colored, closed coffin. The pastor spoke about seeking help before it was too late. The words rattled in my head as I tried to make sense of everything.
Why me? Why had I been given a second chance at life? I glanced over at Wesley, who stared blankly ahead as Nikola held his hand. My arm was draped around her shoulder, hoping to be the pillar of strength she needed to help her friend through this horrific time. The choir sang a song that sounded angelic as my mind drifted.
Two days ago had been sobering when Nikola and I went to see Wesley.
We were pulling into a neighborhood with cookie-cutter houses lining the streets. Nikola had put his address in the GPS as we drove there.
“If it makes you uncomfortable to come in, I understand.” Nikola’s eyes were sad as she looked at me.
“I want to be there for you and your friend. Maybe I can help.”
She nodded as a few tears fell down her cheek.
A female voice sounded. “You have arrived at your destination on the right.”
I pulled into the driveway, and Nikola was out of the SUV and running up the sidewalk before I had a chance to put the car it in park. Quickly, I got out and followed her up the short pathway as she knocked on the door.
A voice called, “It’s open,” from the other side of the door. Without hesitating, Nikola opened the door and walked into Wesley’s home. I followed and started taking in my surroundings.
The place was warm and had a feminine touch. Pictures of Wesley and a woman, whom I assumed was Diane, were everywhere. Wesley sat on the brown suede couch with his head in hands. He had on sweats and an old T-shirt. Nikola sat on his right side. I stayed back at the entrance to give them a minute.
“Wesley, I’m here. I’m so sorry, but I’m here.”
He turned and wrapped his arms around Nikola and started sobbing into her shoulder. Nikola’s eyes connected with mine. Normally, I was possessive and didn’t like people close to my woman. Nikola knew this, and I’m sure she was nervous. But this was an exception. Wesley had lost the love of his life, and I couldn’t fathom what the emptiness would be like. I gave Nikola a reassuring smile, and she nodded.
She consoled Wesley. “Let it out. I know it hurts. Let it out.”
Wesley grabbed her shoulders until his knuckles turned white. “Why wasn’t our love enough? Why didn’t she beat the statistics? Why did she have to lean on the drugs and not me? Why? I loved her, Nikola. I loved her with every fiber of my being.”
Wesley was a broken man. If I hadn’t chosen to get clean, I pictured what this would have done to Nikola. I’d never put her through that. Never. I’d do everything in my power to keep doubt from ever entering her mind. There was a picture right beside me on a sofa table. Diane and Wesley were gazing at each other. It was a stolen smile, captured on film. The emotion came through the photograph. In the right hand corner, a date appeared. It was from this past Christmas, when Diane had been clean.
Things can turn upside down and inside out before you know it.
Nikola continued to console Wesley. It was obvious she’d attended group sessions as she prompted him to feel and express his emotions. Wesley grasped onto Nikola as if she were the only thing keeping him here.
“All I wanted was to have her in my life and love her. I never needed a baby. I only needed her, and now she’s gone. Diane is gone.”
I was speechless as I saw firsthand what addiction does to the ones we love. The guilt hit me like a fresh punch imagining her sobbing and heartbroken when I’d been so messed up. I was beyond fortunate I’d been given a second chance to make things right.
The song ended, and the pastor began speaking again. Light shone through the stained-glass windows. Nikola’s free hand came down on my knee and squeezed it. I placed my hand on top of hers. Diane had left the rehab facility and scored some drugs. From there, it appeared she went on a mind-numbing binge that resulted in taking her life. There were no words to console someone in this instance.
The service ended and we went through the line to greet the family. Wesley had joined them in the family line and was now standing next to Diane’s mother and sister. They were dressed in black with tearful faces. Nikola gave them each a hug, and I followed. When I got to Wesley, he pulled me in close.
“Nikola deserves to never have to face what I’m going through. Promise me you won’t go down that road again.” His voice pleaded.
I whispered back, “I promise.”
He released me, and I walked over to meet Nikola. We got into my vehicle to follow the procession to the burial site. Wesley was going to ride with the family there. He’d wanted Nikola to ride with him, but there wasn’t room. The hearse was parked in front of the church steps. It was like a curse that rang throughout the area for everyone who looked upon it. There were so many reminders of death; I needed a way to show that I chose life. The noise in my head became louder as I tried to sift through it, telling me I made the right decision with what I had planned for our future.
Nikola’s voice broke through my inner ramblings. “Thanks for being here with me through
all this. I’ve needed you.”
I looked over at her sad, green eyes. Nikola looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She looked frail.
“I’ll always be there for you. Never doubt it. Nikola, I will be the man you need even with my last breath.”
Nikola’s eyes watched Wesley, holding Diane’s mother as they walked to the car behind the hearse. He consoled her.
Nikola continued to look in their direction as she spoke, “I beg you never to go back to drugs, Brandt. Don’t let this become our ending. I want the life we imagined together. I want to grow old with you as we watch our kids play outside. I trust you, but seeing what Wesley is going through scares me.” Her lip trembled. “I’m scared of losing the only man I’ve ever loved and will ever love.”
Tears fell down her face. “Nikola.” She kept staring forward. “Nikola.” My tone was firmer, and she turned my way. “I’m never going back to drugs. I promise you. We are going to get the life we planned together. I love you. Never doubt my love for you.”
“Why were you distant the other night at your mom’s house?”
Shit. With all the things I was trying to sort through, I’d hoped Nikola wouldn’t have picked up on the near slip at my mum’s house.
People were all getting in their cars and starting them as the hearse began to move. We had a few minutes before it was our turn to slide in to the long line. “Mum mentioned things we hadn’t discussed yet. That’s a decision for you and me to make. I didn’t want it to be awkward for you, which it did anyways.”
Nikola nodded and bit her lip. “You’re right. Someday, we’ll be ready for that.” I knew she was holding something back.
I knitted my brow. I put the vehicle in drive and pulled forward. “Yes. Someday.”
A couple of weeks had passed since the funeral. It was the beginning of March, and the weather started to warm. We were leaving Anne’s house, where we’d watched a movie together. Anne’s condition didn’t seem worse. I was thankful. Between making sure we went to Anne’s regularly, helping Wesley daily, work, and Club Envy, we were both exhausted.