We had made it to the elevator as Nikola repeatedly hit the up button to summon one of the four lifts in the corridor. Pieces of her auburn hair fell into her face. The lights on the elevator read it was on the fourth floor.
I saw the stair sign to the right. “Let’s take the stairs. It’ll be faster.”
Nikola was on autopilot as we made it through the large metal door. She took off in a sprint as we climbed. We were halfway up to the second floor when the loud clanking from the first-floor door echoed through the stairwell. Nikola pushed on and I was right behind her. We came out of the stairwell and onto the second floor. A dark-wooded nurses’ station stood out against the stark white walls a few feet from the elevator doors.
Walking up, Nikola said, “We got a call that Anne Kingston had been admitted. She’s my grandmother. I’m her emergency contact. My name is Nikola Mattox.”
The young nurse gave her a sweet smile. “Hi, Nikola. Yes, Ms. Kingston is in her room. She’s stable. Dr. Grieger will be right out to speak with you.”
Nikola began to panic. “Can I not go see my grandmother then speak to Dr. Grieger?”
Before the nurse responded, Dr. Grieger came through the doors.
Whatever he had to say, I figured it wasn’t going to be good if he wanted to speak to us ahead of time. “Nikola, do you mind if we go into this office and speak? Your grandmother is sleeping now. She knows you’re on your way.”
“Okay. Can I see her, even if she’s still sleeping, once we are done talking?”
Dr. Grieger walked toward a small room to the right of the stairwell. “Of course you can. When we’re done, I’ll take you back there.”
We went in, and the doctor closed the door. There was a loveseat and two chairs. I can’t imagine coming into this room meant anything good when you were with a doctor. If it had been good news, wouldn’t he have told us out there?
Adjusting his white coat and then his stethoscope, Dr. Grieger started talking.
“It appears your grandmother had a seizure. Once she was stabilized, we went through our routine checkups she was scheduled to have next week to see if the cancer had advanced. First off, Ms. Kingston has a fever that I believe triggered the seizure. Her breathing has significantly decreased to the point she is not getting the oxygen she needs. After reviewing the scans, the cancer is more aggressive than we’d originally thought. It’s continuing to spread and has grown substantially. The lung cancer is constricting the bronchioles, which is making it difficult to breathe. In our last meeting, Anne refused to undergo treatments. Her only request was to stay comfortable. Has anything changed since our last meeting?”
“No, nothing has changed,” I said. “I was with her yesterday, and she seemed okay. I mean, her breathing has gotten worse, but she wasn’t this sick or else I would have made sure she came in.”
I put my arm around Nikola and pulled her to me.
“Even as doctors, we don’t understand all there is to know about cancer.”
I couldn’t imagine being a doctor and having to deliver this sort of news to people. My heart broke at what he was alluding to.
A sob erupted from Nikola. “How much time does she have?”
The doctor looked down. “I’m afraid not much. Her condition is deteriorating quickly. She’s still cognizant, but I’m not sure for how long.”
Nikola leaned into my shoulder and cried. I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to be everything she needed but not knowing what to do. Seeing the love of my life like this felt like a having branding iron slowly dragged over my skin.
The doctor continued, “Ms. Kingston is not aware yet as to the severity of her current condition, but you were cleared to receive all medical information. I didn’t want to wake her to tell her the news, since family was on the way. Do you want me to tell her or would you like to? Sometimes the family wishes to be the one. I don’t mind, but wanted you to have the choice since there’s time.”
What the hell? He was asking Nikola if she wanted to tell Anne she was dying. I had to try to shelter her from this pain. I knew Nikola would want to be the one.
“I-I-I will,” she said. Her tearful sob was heart-wrenching.
Dr. Grieger stood. “I’ll give you a few minutes. You can see Ms. Kingston whenever you are ready.”
Without waiting, Nikola stood and tried to quiet the sobs racking her body. She continued to wipe the tears away as they fell. There was a tissue box on the table next to the blue couch. I grabbed a couple and handed them to Nikola. We stood and walked outside to meet the doctor.
Nikola addressed Dr. Grieger, “I’m ready. Can you please call my parents and let them know to come? Brandt will give you their numbers.”
Pulling out a notepad and pen, Dr. Grieger handed it to me. I scribbled their numbers down. We started walking toward Anne’s room. The sounds of beeping were heard throughout. Nurses quietly worked at their stations. We walked through the door that led to Anne. Nikola held my hand in a death grip, which I knew was my answer—she wanted me here with her when she spoke to Anne. In the center of the room, on a hospital bed, Anne peacefully slept, though her breathing was substantially labored.
A blue pleather chair with dark wood sat off to the side of the bed. Nikola took a seat then grabbed Anne’s hand. The smell of bleach wafted into my nose.
“Grandmama, are you awake?”
Anne’s blue eyes fluttered open and focused for a bit on Nikola. “You’re here. I knew you’d come.”
“Of course I’m here. I came as soon as we found out.” Nikola put her other hand on top of Anne’s.
There was a cup to the side with a sponge on a stick. Anne said, “Water.”
Nikola got the cup and sponge and put it to Anne’s lips to wet them. After Nikola was finished, Anne started speaking.
“It’s bad, isn’t it? When I called nine-one-one for my head and chest hurting, I knew it was bad. Right after I spoke to the person, I passed out. I don’t feel like I have much time.” Anne’s voice was weaker, not it’s strong, vibrant self.
Nikola looked down. “It is worse. The cancer has grown and spread. The doctor is calling Mom and Dad.”
A few tears fell down Anne’s face, and she winced as pain hit her.
The doctor came in. “Ms. Kingston, I wanted to let you know that your son and daughter-in-law are on their way. They were just outside Atlanta. I’ve prescribed a morphine drip for the pain to keep you comfortable. As the pain gets worse, we’ll administer the morphine orally.”
Anne coughed. “Will I be lucid?”
“We can set the drip to take the edge off, but you’ll still be cognizant. It’ll ease the bronchial tubes’ breathing for now.”
“Okay, let’s do that.”
He nodded. “I’ll let the nurses know. Let me know if you need anything else.”
Our focus returned to Anne as we heard the door shut. Nikola dragged the seat closer to Anne and smoothed her sheets. There was another chair in the corner that I moved next to Nikola. I was at a loss as to what to do. Nikola chewed on her lips, trying to keep her emotions at bay. I grabbed her left hand while she held Anne’s in the other. Nikola’s hand shook.
“Grandmama, I don’t know how to do this. I’m not ready.”
Anne closed her eyes and a few tears trickled down her cheeks before she reopened them. Her voice was a tad shaky. “Nikola, we’ll never be ready. But I do want you to know how proud I am of you. We’ll always be in each other’s hearts. Remember we can meet in each other’s dreams. Every sunrise and sunset, we can gaze up together and know we are looking at the same sky.”
Nikola sobbed. “I want to be strong, but I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”
“You’ll always have me. I’ve left you a surprise at my house. When I’m gone, go there with Brandt. It’s for both of you.”
Anne turned to me. I could tell she was getting more tired. “Take care of Nikola. She needs you like you need her. Treasure your love and never take it for granted. Goin
g through all this has been easier, knowing she’s got you. Be there for her, Brandt. I’ve loved you like a son and you have no idea how happy I was when you both found your way back to each other.” Then, to both of us, she added, “In so many ways we’re fortunate we can say goodbye to each other and tell each other everything that’s in our hearts. When it gets tough, remember the good times, not the sad. Remember all the love and laughs we’ve shared.”
“I promise. I’ll be there for her forever. I promise I’ll treasure her love forever and never take it for granted. I won’t go back to drugs, Anne. I swear it. My commitment to Nikola is forever.”
Nikola cried and squeezed my hand. She glanced at me with tear-filled eyes. I grazed her cheek with my thumb. “I love you, baby. Forever. I’m here for you.”
“I love you, too, Brandt.”
Anne had a smile on her face.
Nikola turned her attention back to Anne. “Grandmama…”