As I tried to walk around him, Gabe touched my elbow. I ignored the heat from his touch.
“Willow, please. We need to talk.”
On a dime, I turned and let it all out. Everything I felt spewed. “I get that you want to fix whatever we had. I get it. I feel it, too. Hell, even with you as Tack, I was drawn to you. But, Gabe, you slept with me. Impregnated me. And never told me anything. You knew I thought Alex was you and you said nothing. Making banana nut pancakes doesn’t fix it. Not even close. You may have won over Nonno, which I have no damned idea how you managed that, but he’s not the one who has to be okay with what’s happened. That’s me. If you’re coming this morning, you can ride in a separate car.”
It felt good to get this all out in the open.
When I tried to leave the bathroom again, Gabe managed to get in front of me, effectively blocking the door. He grabbed my shoulders, and I tried to ignore how the energy between us intensified.
“We still have it, Willow. We are not the past tense.”
I tried to wrench out of his grip, but he refused to let me go.
“I’m going to be there for you, for our baby. Yeah, I fucked up. Majorly fucked up. After I thought you broke up with me, I started to believe that our relationship had been one-sided. It broke my heart thinking I was never going to have you again—have the family we talked about. I love you with my entire being. Not past tense. I love you.”
My lip trembled. This was too much.
“Sweetheart, imagine what it was like coming back to some fucked up alternate reality with you married to my brother who was supposed to be dead. I was mad. Confused. The first chance I had to get you alone, I wanted to confront you. But when I saw you, I realized you had no idea what was going on. And then we happened. Like we always do. I honestly lost all coherent thought when you put your arms around me. Until you told me you might be pregnant, I forgot I hadn’t used protection. We’d stopped using protection before I’d left. It never crossed my mind.
“After we made love, you gave me insight into what my miserable asshole of a brother had done to you. You even said it felt like old times. Your body knew I wasn’t Alex. I wanted to tell you. Shit, Willow, you have no idea. But, I needed to confront Alex first. I was coming to tell you that night. But, Alex turned up dead.”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. “What if someone was after you next? The best way to protect you was to remain a secret. No one knew we were twins.”
Tears broke free as they streamed down my face. The sincerity of Gabe’s words rung true. I understood in some weird way. Gabe cradled my cheeks with his hands and wiped away my tears with his thumbs. I leaned into his touch, relishing the love I felt.
“And now you’re willing to let everyone know you’re a twin?”
“Someone chased you down with a Hummer and ran you off the fucking road. Your best friend is in a coma. There was nothing I could do. Nothing. I’ve never felt so helpless creeping around a hospital and trying to get news about the only two people who have ever mattered to me—you and our baby. I was scared shitless. As soon as you could handle the stress, I decided to tell you. So, yeah, I don’t give a fuck if anyone knows I’m a twin. The only thing that matters is keeping you safe, our baby safe, and getting Carson better so he can be a father.”
A sob erupted from me, and Gabe pulled me into him.
“Shh… We’re going to figure this out. I’m not going to rush you. I know you need time to process what’s happened, but I’m not going to hold back my feelings. You’ll never doubt or wonder how I feel.”
Beep.
Pause.
Beep.
Pause.
The sound of machines in Carson’s ICU room created a rhythmic background. I sat next to the bed, holding Carson’s hand as I had the first time I visited him after I woke up. I glanced at the clock. My two hours were almost up and I had hardly paused as I filled him in on everything—mainly my feelings for Gabe, which were all over the place. One minute I was pissed and the next minute I was in love. Then I was good with things, and then I was furious. A ping-pong ball bounced around less than I did. It was maddening and only soured my mood.
And worst of all, I hated how indecisive I felt.
The ride here with Gabe had been less awkward, but still not us. This new dynamic was hard when my body wanted to curl into him like old times, but my mind wasn’t that forgiving.
“I wish you were awake so you could help me work through this tangled mess.”
No response.
I felt so deflated. I knew it was from my restless night and the debacle.
I sat back. “Carson, it doesn’t make sense why there were no records of Gabe’s twin. I mean, Trent would have found a twin if there had been a record.” When was Gabe going to talk to his mother? I wanted to be there when he did. I needed to see this part of his life.
“Carson, I don’t know what to do. The attraction and feelings are still there. I can feel them beneath the surface and that scares me. On the one hand, he deceived me. On the other, he tried to protect me with how he handled things. Us sleeping together and me pregnant was unexpected.” I cradled my forehead with my free hand. Sitting back up, I asked, “What am I going to do?” Tucking his shoulder length blond hair behind his ears like he did on a regular basis, I willed Carson to come back to me.
Nothing.
At least the bruises and cuts were turning purplish yellow like mine versus black.
Staring at him, I imagined what he’d say. Willow, just give it time to see what you want to do. Follow your heart. I’ll support you regardless. Nothing has to be decided today.
I moved my hand back to his. “Please, Carson. Come back.”
I stared at the monitors, wishing there was something, anything to give a sign he was improving.
Nothing.
My watch timer went off. It was time to leave. Francesca would be here in five minutes. Kissing his forehead, I whispered, “I have to go now. Francesca is about to come in. I miss you, Carson.”
A single tear slipped free and I blinked the rest away. In silence, I left the room. It was more than deflation I felt, it was defeat. Our worlds were falling apart and Carson hadn’t awoken. Was that a bad sign he wasn’t going to? I wanted to scream in frustration from all the suffering Alex caused.
It was because of him, someone was after me.
It was because of him, Gabe and I were hurt.
It was because of him, Carson’s child may not have a father.
The only reason I wanted to bring him back from the dead was to ask one question. Why?
I shook my head. Remain positive, Willow. Drowning in all the negativity wasn’t going to help. It would lead to more negativity. I refused to give up hope. ICU felt desolate and empty of life. I hated the feeling—especially today since I felt more off than normal. Was it the hormones? I wasn’t sure. Maybe I needed rest.
I opened the door and walked into the waiting room, which felt just as sterile. Francesca was at the desk waiting for me, and I put on a smile I wasn’t feeling. The last thing I needed was my mood to affect her. Francesca needed all the support she was able to get.
“How did he look?” The hopefulness in her voice was hard when I was unable to report anything new. But, there was an expected deep sadness in her chocolate brown eyes. Francesca had her hair in a ponytail and she looked exhausted. The doctors continued to monitor her after she’d fainted a week ago.
I hugged her and cheerfully responded, “He looks good. I talked his ear off about everything.”
She touched my hand with hers and gave it a squeeze. “I heard about everything. If you want to talk, let me know. We could eat ice cream or something together.”
Maybe talking with Francesca would help. We were getting close, but I wanted her to feel like she was able to ask me for anything. She was family simply because Carson chose her. Francesca was alone with her father disowning her when he found out about the pregnancy.
/> I squeezed her hand. “I would like that a lot. My mom always said ice cream solved everything.”
“I agree with your mom.” Francesca held her hand over her stomach. “It’s a date. I can’t wait to tell Carson about our plans. The door buzzed. I’ll see you later.”
“Tell him I’m going to get his favorite, peanut butter chocolate fudge.”
She laughed. “I will.” She disappeared behind the door with a little more pep in her step.
With the click of the lock, the cold feeling returned. I felt Gabe before I saw him. He was near, but didn’t touch me. Which agony was worse, keeping my distance or wanting him close? I was a mess.
“How is Carson?”
Since our talk this morning, things had been somewhat better, but now an irritation sizzled beneath the surface I hadn’t realized until I heard his voice.
“No change.” My clipped tone sounded bitchy. Part of me wanted to crawl into his arms and never let go, but then the other part wanted to scream at him. Reliving it all with Carson reopened the fresh wounds. I needed to settle on where I stood and get my attitude in check. But, I felt like I had whiplash and was ultimately… betrayed. I loved Gabe and distance was my only defense right now.
Marie approached after finishing her conversation with Trent, who stepped back into the bay that housed the elevators. “How’s my boy? Any change?”
Since I was now first on the visiting list, I was asked the same thing by every person each day. It was hard. Giving her the same smile I gave Francesca, I repeated my answer. “He looks good. I talked his ear off about everything.”
Marie responded, “I think he’s looking good, too. Any day. I can feel it.”
We hugged. I hoped it was sooner rather than later. The one thing I was certain of, if Carson was still here he was fighting his way back to us.
“I’m going to get some coffee while Francesca is in there. Bennett is meeting me. Would you like to come with us?”
Exhaling, I felt weary. “I think I want to go back to the hotel. I’m tired.”
“Sounds good, sweetheart. Get some rest. It’s been”—she glanced to Gabe before finishing—“tense.”
That was an understatement. Gabe came to stand beside Marie and searched my face before she spoke to him. “Promise me you are not going to hurt Willow any more than she has been. That’s the last thing she needs for the baby or her.” There was more ice in Marie’s voice than I’d ever heard before. Generally, her kind demeanor won out.