The warmness left his features as he raked his hand through his dark hair. “It depends on what the doctor says tomorrow. I can’t leave until I know you and our baby are okay.”
It was hard resisting the urge to reach out and take his hand. I wasn’t sure how he would take my request, but if we were being honest with each other, I needed to be part of this. All of this. “I need to ask a favor of you.”
“Anything. I mean it. If you need something, all you have to do is ask. I know you tend to be independent, but I’m here and I’m never leaving again.”
I took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to like my request. “I want to go with you to see your mom.”
The color drained from his face. “No, absolutely not. I will not subject you or our unborn child to her. I can’t. I won’t. I refuse.”
Clearly there was a lot more to this story. Maybe I needed to try another tactic. Something told me I needed to be there for Gabe when he went. And after his reaction, the feeling grew stronger.
I set my tray aside before I asked, “Why weren’t there any records of Alex?”
“Shit, I never wanted my past to affect you.” He let out a deep sigh. There was unimaginable pain and anguish from Gabe. “It’s why I was evasive about my family when we first got together. That decision fucked us over. That was the only subject I held back from you. I never wanted my mother to mess with anyone I love.”
The turmoil passing over his face was heartbreaking. My parents had been loving and cared deeply for me. It was unimaginable to me that a mother would intentionally mess with someone her child loved. The closest thing I had to a sibling was Carson and he would never hurt me as Alex had Gabe.
I wasn’t able to stop my hand when it found his. “Please tell me. She won’t affect the baby or me. But, I need to know. If you want for there to be an us, there can’t be any secrets.”
Without any hesitation, Gabe said, “My mother had a home birth. I don’t know why. And I don’t know how. I have no idea who my father is. Mom never would tell us any details. Anyway, Alex was kept a secret. For as long as I can remember, Mom and Alex were always close. They had an unexplainable bond I never felt with them. They acted and thought alike. I was never like them. A constant outsider.”
It was because Gabe was a good person.
He leaned back in the chair and exhaled another long breath. The pressure on my hand intensified minutely like I was his lifeline. “Mom loved when Alex pretended to be me. Until school, I was kept in almost isolation from the world. In first grade, she messed with my outside life. With a lot of practice, he got to where he could imitate me perfectly. Until he got it right, she kept food from us. Randomly, Mom kept me home from school and sent Alex, who had mastered being me.”
I saw the torment of reliving the memories. “Anytime I received a beating for anything she felt I needed it for, Alex went to school for me. She knew exactly how to hit me. The marks would fade after a few days. Normally Thursday night I got them and was fine by Monday.”
Gabe shifted forward, clearly uncomfortable. “I was terrified to tell anyone. Mom threatened I would get the worst beating of my life if I did. Every day when I got home, I had to give a detailed recap of my day. Alex memorized it. It was the most fucked up situation.”
Gabe closed his eyes for a moment. He continued with venom in his voice, “They made my life hell. At thirteen I’d had enough. I threw everything I owned in my backpack and took off. Mom was frantic. Alex was cursing at me. I was a little faster, and he wasn’t able to catch me. We got to the river and I ran across a fallen tree trunk that acted as a bridge. I refused to look back. The screaming continued, but all I cared about was getting away. As I crested the hill, my mom’s shrill scream changed. I sensed it was something bad. Without thinking, I turned around, wary it might be an antic. No one was coming after me. Mom was on the bank screaming while Alex splashed around. The tree trunk had fallen in. Without thinking, I ran to the bank. Regardless of what they’d done, I wasn’t able to let someone die. Before I got to Alex, he disappeared under the surface. I dove in but wasn’t able to find him.” A shudder ran through Gabe.
I rubbed my thumb in soothing circles on his hand, needing him to know I was here for him. This was more terrible than I imagined. Why would a mother do this to her child, or children in this case? Gabe flipped his hand over and intertwined his fingers with mine. It felt right to connect in this way. My tension eased slightly from his touch as I placed my free hand on my stomach, unable to fathom what he’d gone through.
“What happened next?” My voice was barely above a whisper.
“Mom screamed I was a murderer. I swam back to the side of the river I came from, got out, and ran to my backpack on the hill. I never looked back.
I lived in the woods and went to school until a mechanic offered me a place to stay in exchange for work. The teachers never asked questions. We were in a poor school. He died shortly after I enlisted. He was a good man. I’ll never forget his kindness.”
I scooted a little closer. “Did you ever see her again?”
All of the emotion left his eyes as he focused back on me. I hated seeing his normally vibrant emerald eyes dead. “From time to time, she would park at the school and simply watch me when I left to get on a bus. I changed my routes constantly. When I left for the Marines, I lost track of where she lived. Honestly, I didn’t care. When I met you, I never wanted my past to taint my present.”
“Gabe, I can’t imagine. Do you know where she is now?”
He moved his shoulder to where it touched mine. Our interlinked hands moved to his knee. “I tracked her down last month. She’s in a different town now—Eatontown, New Jersey—under a different name.”
I laid my head on his shoulder, knowing he needed more connection. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I can’t even imagine.”
“I’d do it all over again if it led me to you.”
For now, I let my guard down and my heart talk. “That was the best day of my life, too.” Gabe kissed the back of my hand and I felt the love. I had missed this feeling. Pressing my luck, I knew my earlier request was imperative. “Promise me you won’t go see her until we agree on whether or not I’m coming.”
His eyes grew wide when I glanced up. “You still want to go after what I just told you?” He stood breaking the connection. “Why?”
I grabbed his hand. “Because I think you need me there. You haven’t seen her for nearly fifteen years.”
“I don’t want you near her.” I went to protest and he raised his hand. “I’ll agree to talk about it before I go. I want us to work through things. I want you to trust me again. But, I’m not going to change my mind.”
Maybe there was hope for us. My anger continued to ebb. “All I ask is for us to come to an agreement.”
Gabe settled back on the couch beside me. “You’re different since this morning and the hospital.”
“How’s that?”
“Less distant. Not that I’m complaining. I hated the distance and thought I might have lost you. What changed?”
It felt good to clear the air. Hopefully, it would allow us to get back to normal. “We’re having a baby together. I don’t want to fight with you. What we have is deep. It’s unexplainable. But, I’m not ready to put a label on us. Not yet.”
“I deserve that. But, you’re not saying no to an us, right?”
A small smile crept on my face. “No, I’m not. I’m saying give this time. Give me time. I still feel deceived.”
Lips pressed against my forehead. “I’ll take it. I shouldn’t have slept with you until I told you the truth. I took away your
decision.”
“You did.” My hands touched my stomach. “But, I can’t regret the blessing it gave us.”
He put his hand on top of mine. “Me, either.”
“Ms. Russo?” The nurse in blue scrubs caught my eye.
“Here.” I stood and walked to her.
Gabe was behind me. His mere presence was driving me mad. His outdoorsy scent was so close, and I was having a hard time concentrating. This morning while I reflected on how delicious he smelled, he had asked me the same question three times before I heard him. Yeah, I was nuts. He was then worried something was wrong, which I played off as nothing. Hopefully, my brain had stopped malfunctioning.
“Good morning, Ms. Russo. Right this way.” The nurse was a petite little thing that came only to my shoulders.
After last night, things between Gabe and me were lighter—more natural. It scared and delighted me at the same time.
The light-gray walls had an ominous feel as we walked in silence to a little area with a scale and chair. “We’ll get your blood pressure and weight first before I show you to a room.”
“Sounds good. Thank you.”
I caught a glimpse of Gabe’s unshaven face and looked away at a picture of flowers on the wall. The closeness of yesterday invaded my mind. His smell. The way his warm body felt.
“Ms. Russo, is everything okay?”
“What?” Oh hell, I had done it again.
The nurse looked perplexed and Gabe’s eyebrows pinched together. “I just asked how your evening was.”
I needed to focus. “It was good. I rested a lot.”
“Good.”
Gabe watched me intently. It was going to be hard to keep my thoughts in check and my mind focused. Last night, I’d fallen asleep on his shoulder as we watched some action movie. I barely remembered the opening scene before falling asleep. Sometime later, I’d been barely jostled as he carried me to bed. The moment was innocently sweet, and I found myself excited to see him again.
From the blankets on the couch, I knew he’d slept there. Nonno was in the guest room and Gabe was offered one of the other rooms on the floor, which he declined.