We normally put our tree up on Christmas Eve and that's still ten days away.
Dad chuckles. "I feel like celebrating early this year."
Pushing Piper gently off of me, I swing my legs off my bed. Piper lays her head back down and closes her eyes. "Oh, yeah," I tease as I walk toward him. "What could you possibly have to celebrate?"
Dad's arm comes out, loops around my neck, and he pulls me in for a hug. His lips press against my head and he releases me. "Oh, let's see. My tumor is shrinking, I'm back home, and my daughter and her mutt are here with me. Life is just damn good."
Laughing, I loop my arm with his and we step into the short hallway that leads to the living room. "Yup, life is damn good."
Sort of.
I mean, my heart is still broken, but honestly, if I could have only one wish in the world, it would be for my dad to beat his cancer. I'd gladly sacrifice an eternal and lasting love for my dad's life. Just sucks I can't have it all.
When we step into the living room I eyeball the massive balsam fir with an amazing scent drifting off the flat, needlelike, and quite prickly leaves. "Geez, Dad...we're going to need to remove some of the furniture to fit that thing in here," I chastise him as I notice the top of the tree is actually bent over against the ceiling. "And buy more lights and ornaments, I think."
"I'm actually going to head out in a bit and do just that," he says with a quick pinch to my cheek. "Up for decorating it later?"
"Well, sure. I mean, no sense in having a naked tree in the house."
My dad chuckles and walks into the kitchen that sits adjacent. It's small with a tiny butcher-block island that still bears wear and tear from all of the baking and cooking my mom used to do before she died. It takes up too much space, but neither one of us can bear to part with it. I lean against the counter and watch as dad pulls out a pork roast he had thawing in the fridge.
"I suppose you expect me to cook that," I say with a pointed look.
"Nope," he says proudly. "I'm going to cook dinner tonight, and even thought about making cookies too, for dessert."
I arch an eyebrow at him. "Who are you and what have you done with my father?"
"Laugh all you want, missy, but truth is I'm bored out of my mind. If cooking keeps me occupied, you should be grateful."
"I'm worried about food poisoning," I say dryly as I open the fridge back up and pull out a bottle of water.
"Smart-ass," he retorts affectionately. "But I have a nefarious plan. I need to fatten you up before you take off to Columbus. You're not eating enough as it is."
I ignore that remark and twist the cap to take a sip, idly sliding my wool-sock-covered foot over the worn linoleum. "Are you sure you don't want to come with me? I'm sure I can get a larger apartment than the one I have reserved."
"Nope," he says surely and without hesitation. "This is my home and I'm staying. Sure you don't want to try to find a job here and stay with me instead?"
"Nope," I say, without as much surety but no less hesitation. "I like the Buckeye organization. It's a good move for me."
"You could apply for work with the Oilers," he suggests. "I'm sure Benny would take you on."
Benny is the general manager of the Oilers and a longtime friend of my dad's. That could be an option, except for the fact I'd rather any potential job go to my father. If his next MRI shows continued remission, I know without a doubt my dad will want to go back to work. I've tried to broach that subject with him, but he shut me down claiming, "I don't want to jinx my recovery. It's something I'll consider after the next MRI."
Luckily, we don't have to worry about finances for the immediate future. When I took Gray Brannon up on her offer to release me immediately from the Cold Fury, I was beyond surprised when I was given a severance check for ten thousand dollars. It was completely out of place and wholly inappropriate. I didn't deserve it, but I knew that it came down from Brian Brannon himself, who wanted to make sure my dad would not have any financial worries. His house payment and expenses would be more than covered when I deposited that amount in his bank account after a knock-down-drag-out fight with him about it. While I know I should have denied the gift, my need to make sure my dad was taken care of prevailed and I accepted the charity.
Besides, I wanted a clean, fresh start when I returned to Columbus. I'm more than feeling a burning need to start my life over again, because it's really the only way I can leave the heartbreak behind.
"Are you going to contact Todd when you return to Columbus?" my dad asks just as I'm taking another sip of water, and his question shocks me so much I immediately choke. After several hacking coughs and one slap to my back by my dad's meaty hand, I get myself under control.
"Why would you even ask that?" I ask on a gasp.
"I worry about you," he says with a shrug of his shoulders. "Todd would take care of you."
"I can take care of myself," I say firmly, still befuddled over this. My dad wasn't the biggest fan of Todd's. He was also just as heartbroken over the fact that Hawke and I didn't work out a second time, so I know he really doesn't want me with someone like Todd.
"I know you can, honey. I just want you to be happy, fall in love. I want grandbabies too."
A feeling of utter loneliness sweeps through me. I had been feeling all kinds of blue the last few weeks since I returned home and left Hawke behind, but a renewed sense of loss engulfs me as my dad painfully reminds me that none of those things--love, happiness, children--can exist for me without the one man that I want.
The one man that refused to let go of our dark past and embrace the potential of our future.
Fuck, he makes me angry as much as he depresses me. The man I love is still an asshole who wants to conveniently lay all the blame for our relationship's demise on my doorstep. I have never brought up the fact that he's the one that ultimately turned his back when he wouldn't respond to my calls or email. I should have thrown that in his face. I should have done it just to see the chagrin and shame that would have mollified me somewhat the last few days.
That's what I should have done, but honestly, it wouldn't have made me feel better. Just made Hawke feel shittier, so I let it go.
Again.
"Have you heard from him?" my dad asks quietly as he pulls a baking pan from the bottom cupboard.
My head jerks up in surprise. My dad and I haven't really talked about Hawke since we returned. I didn't hide the truth of what happened. I told him I laid my heart out there, but Hawke just wasn't in the same place that I was. I don't think my father necessarily agreed with the way I just gave up, but he understood how badly I was hurt and thus supported my decision to leave the Cold Fury.
"Well, have you?" he presses.
My face drops back down to the floor so I have time to blink away the threatening tears. "Nope. Not a word."
"Maybe you should reach out to him," he suggests gently. "I mean...you two didn't really talk much about it. You sort of made a unilateral decision to leave."
"It was the right decision," I protest angrily. "I can't be with someone I love who doesn't love me back."
My dad's lips press into a sympathetic smile. His eyes are sad for his daughter. "Yeah, I know. I just thought...well, I just thought you two were it for each other, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," I agree as I walk up to my dad. I place my hands on his shoulders and look him dead in the eye. "But I'll be okay. Given time, it will all be fine."
"Yoo-hoo," I hear called out from the front of the house as the front door opens.
"Back here, Avery," I call back. I can hear Piper jump from my bed, her nails clicking on the hardwood and then a distinctive oomph as I imagine Piper just jumped on Avery.
"Damn beast of a dog," Avery says affectionately, and then she's walking into the kitchen with Piper hot on her tail. While I don't question Piper's loyalty to me, there's no doubt she loves the woman who fed and cared for her the past few months.
"Hello, hello," Avery says as she pulls her coat and hat off,
throwing them on the butcher-block island. Her gloves follow, then she's giving me a quick hug before moving on to my dad. With her arms wrapped around him, she says, "How are you, my big teddy bear?"
Dad laughs, squeezes her back, and says, "Got a Christmas tree."
"So I saw," Avery says before shooting a wink at me. "It's so big you could build a tree house in it."
"We're having pork roast tonight if you want to come eat with us and help decorate," my dad offers.
"I can't," Avery says. "My parents invited us over for dinner tonight. Oliver and Nina too. My mom said she had a surprise for us, so you know I'm not about to pass that up."
"She probably just wants to give you her old china set or something," I remark dryly. Avery's mom and dad have decided to retire down to Florida after Christmas and they are unloading all of their personal effects on the kids.
"I'll take it," Avery says as she opens the refrigerator and roots around, coming out with a Diet Coke. "Rob and I only got enough of our china pattern as wedding presents to feed one and a half of us."
"Maybe I'll buy you a piece of china then for Christmas," my dad muses as he unwraps the pork roast.
"Don't you dare," Avery says aghast. "I much prefer jewelry."
I roll my eyes and dad laughs. "Duly noted, Av."
My dad opens the oven door and goes to put the roast in. I don't say a word, but Avery doesn't hold her tongue. "Dave...you know you have to preheat the oven first, right?"
My dad straightens and looks at her with confusion. "I was just going to turn it on now."