Ryker (Cold Fury Hockey 4)

"Frank...it's Ryker Evans."

"What's up?" he asks in a clipped tone. For some reason, he doesn't like me either.

"I'm at the hospital. My daughter has a broken arm and is going into surgery in a few hours. I'm obviously not going to make the game."

I don't know why I expect it, but I do. I expect the fucker to show an ounce of sympathy. I expect him to ask details of what happened, and offer to help in any way. Instead, he's grouchy when he says, "You can't get someone to come sit with her? Maybe Kate or something?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I growl at him, not giving a shit that he's one of my superiors. "Are you seriously that much of an asshole?"

Frank is stunned silent, which is a good thing. No telling what else I'd say to him. Instead, I say, "You better contact Max and give him the news. He's going to want time to prepare."

I hang up the phone, stuff it into my pocket, and scrub my hands over my face with exhaustion. Did Frank just now represent to me the philosophy of this organization? That a win is more important than our families?

Shaking my head, I start pacing the length of the emergency room. There's no way. I know without a doubt Gray wouldn't expect me to be there, even if we were in the final game of the championship.

I stop and pull my phone out. Speaking of Gray...

I send her a quick text. Ruby broke her arm. Bad. Having surgery. Max will be in for me.

I know she'll text me back as soon as she can. Or call. Yeah, she'll probably call.

I know this because over the past month since we spent Christmas Day together, things have actually sort of progressed with us. I'm not foolish enough to think I charmed Gray--literally--to the point she's giving this a real chance. But I do think she's taken with the feelings that come with being with someone you care about while rocking it between the sheets. The intimacy is new to her, scary at times, but mostly she's entranced by it.

She's an honest and up-front woman. She told me as much.

While we still very much need to hide our relationship, we strive to see each other as much as we can. Even though it's risky for her to come to my room during away games, we still do it. And it's not just to have sex. There have been a few nights we've been so tired because of our schedule we merely lie in bed, cuddle, and talk until one of us falls asleep. It's always nerve-racking, though, when it's time for Gray to make her escape.

The easiest way for us to be together has been Gray coming to my house during the day while the girls are at school. I might fix us lunch and we'll sit and talk, or sometimes we just fuck hard and fast. One day I was up in the management offices to get a copy of a product-endorsement contract and I stopped in briefly just to see Gray. I only intended to say hello, but she beckoned me in and I shut the door behind me.

That led to a quick make-out session that left us both feeling itchy and unsatisfied.

Past that, we talk on the phone a lot. Or text. It's a daily thing now, and it's not only habit to include her in my day in some way, but it's becoming almost a necessity. I think the mere fact that I see Gray as a source of comfort today speaks volumes.

Still...that's about as far as it goes right now. We can't go out in public, so I can't take her out on a date. We can't see each other on the weekends because I have the girls. While these are things I would do in a heartbeat and say fuck the consequences, I will never push Gray to give me that. I would never do something that could harm her or her career in any way.

So I make do with what she can give me.

I walk back to Ruby's bed, but before I can even make it there, Gray calls.

"What happened?" she asks in a panicky, concerned voice.

I tell her the details, including my conversation with Frank. She actually hisses at that and her voice is furious when she says, "That fucker. That motherfucker."

And for the first time in hours, I actually laugh. "Language, Miss Brannon."

"I'm sorry, but that really pisses me off. You shouldn't give it another thought. It's why we have two goalies on a team and the ability to call another up from the minors if we need it...because shit happens."

"I know," I assure her, so she calms down. "It's all good now. How did your talk go?"

"Fuck the talk," she blusters at me. "How's Ruby doing?"

I pull back the edge of the curtain, see she's still conked out, and smile. "She's a trouper. I told her to rub some dirt in it and she hasn't cried since. Of course, that probably makes me a shitty dad. You should see her arm, Gray. It's really bad. I almost tossed my cookies."

She makes a cooing noise at me. "She's in good hands now, though, and she'll be feeling better in no time."

"I know," I say, and then glance at my watch. "Listen...I have to call Kate and tell her what's going on so she can handle Violet, and Hensley as well. I'll text you when I have more details about the surgery."

Gray doesn't respond right away, but then she hesitantly asks, "My flight back to Raleigh is at seven tomorrow morning. Want me to try to get out tonight?"

My heart cramps slightly over her offer. But it's an empty offer, because honestly, what purpose would that serve? It's not like she can come up to the hospital and sit with me. It's not like she can mother Ruby or make her feel any better.

"Nah," I tell her firmly. "Keep your flight. Talk later?"

"Sure," she says, and I think that's relief I hear in her voice. I'm not sure if she's relieved I let her off the hook or that we'll talk later, but it doesn't matter because she then says, "I miss you."

It's the first words we've spoken to each other that affirm we have something building between us. I always knew that it would never be just about the sex with Gray, but that right there? It tells me she believes that as well.

"I miss you too."

--

I kick back the blue vinyl hospital recliner that sits next to Ruby's bed and try to nestle in. The springs squeak and one pokes me in the ass, so I try to adjust my weight to the side. I just turned off the TV, happy and relieved the Cold Fury trounced Montreal. Not sure how I feel about Max having a shutout on his first game back. On the one hand, I'm genuinely happy for the dude. As a goalie, it's an awesome feeling knowing you stuffed every fucking shot that came your way. On the other hand, this is going to stir the pot big time with renewed debate over who the starting goalie should be for the Cold Fury.

I refuse to join in on the debate. Of course, I want it to be me. Of course, I think it should be me because I'm hot and consistent. Max is back off a serious injury and has one game under his belt for the season. A brilliant game, no doubt, but just a game.

Ultimately, it's not my decision. Luckily, it's not Gray's decision either, because that is exactly where things would start to get awkward. It's Coach Pretore's decision and I'll abide by it. He's done this team right in the past and if he thinks Max is it...I'll support it. I'll ride pine and be ready to go in if needed.

I'll hate it. But I'll do it.

Ruby stirs a little and I stand poised to get up if she needs something. But she settles and gets pu

lled back under the narcotic fog they have her in. The surgery was pretty short; just under half an hour. The doctor had to put in two pins, and because it was so late in the day by the time they got a surgical suite available, they wanted her to stay overnight. She'll go home sometime tomorrow, where I know she'll be more comfortable. I had to deal with Hensley in all of that, who freaked out big time. I had to listen to her whine about what a terrible mother she was for not being there when this happened, and while I get why she's upset, I told her she needed to focus on Ruby and not herself. I suggested she catch the next flight out of Boston that was available and she should be here before too long.

Sutton came by and stayed with me while Ruby was in surgery, bringing me food, fresh clothes, and my wallet. Kate took Violet to her house, so that worry was taken care of. Gray called once while Sutton was sitting next to me, so I couldn't answer. I sent her a text update and promised her I'd call later.

Now it's later and I'm hesitating.

I'm hesitating because I've had hours to think about our situation and this accident with Ruby made things a little clearer. While Gray and I are becoming closer, and feelings are getting stronger, we are still vast oceans apart. Because we are a secret, we can't even be there to fully support each other. For fuck's sake, I had to decline her call when Sutton was sitting next to me.

Flip the script...what if her father died? How could I take a backseat and watch her deal with it on her own, unable to give support and care because no one can know about us?

All of this has just made me think a little more about our future, and whether or not it's stupid to let this go further. We'd be investing more emotion, which would make it all that much harder when we finally both realized that this is not an optimal relationship.

Am I ready to give up?

Fuck no, because I also realize I'm operating on exhaustion, fear, and worry. Decisions in those circumstances are not wise. But I do think Gray and I need to talk about this. At the very least, I need to decide what I can ultimately live with and set my course.