Garrett (Cold Fury Hockey 2)

"I missed you too," I tell him as we rock back and forth, arms wound tightly around each other. When I pull away, I give him a critical once-over. The air has turned cooler since we're in the last week of November, and Stevie is wearing a long-sleeved black turtleneck with black skinny jeans and black Doc Martens. He's even wearing a pair of thick black plastic frames and his Mohawk is black.

"You're looking kind of like a depressed coffee-shop poet," I tell him with a snort.

"What do you mean? This is what I'm wearing to the game tonight. Cold Fury colors, and I'd rather be shot than wear one of those big, bulky jerseys. So unflattering. Of course, I'm going to wear a really nice silver belt. I've got to break up all this black."

"The game?" I ask dumbly, and Stevie nods at me impatiently, turning away to walk back into the design area.

"Garrett gave me a ticket for tonight. Have to go cheer my boy on, you know?" he says in a singsong voice as he starts pulling the large buckets of fresh uncut flowers from the coolers so he can do inventory.

Something oily slithers through me, and I think it might be jealousy. "Garrett's your boy now, huh?"

Stevie's head snaps my way, and his eyes are wide. The tone of my voice was flat and filled with censure, because it didn't seem fair that I'd lost Garrett but Stevie still had him. If Stevie was still friends with Garrett, that meant at some point I'd run into him, and I didn't think I could handle that.

"Do you have a problem with me still being his friend?" Stevie asks quietly.

Yes, I want to scream at him, but I don't, because I immediately feel like shit for wanting to take away Stevie's friendship.

Sighing, I slump down onto one of the stools and shoot him an apologetic look. "No, of course I don't want that. It's just...hard to think of you still seeing him when I won't be. I guess it hurts a little."

"He's hurting too," he reprimands, and turns back to the flowers. "How about coming and giving me a hand with these?"

I roll off the stool and walk with slumped shoulders over to the cooler, methodically dragging each of the flower buckets out into the open area so we can count our stock. We work quietly, which is unusual, because Stevie always keeps up a running banter of gossipy goodness. He's miffed at me and probably confused, but I just don't know any other way to explain my actions to him.

After about twenty minutes, we have the flowers counted and our order forms completed for when the truck will arrive this afternoon with fresh stock.

"Go ahead and get started on the orders," Stevie says distractedly, and heads for the front of the store to unlock the door for customers.

"Hey," I call out to him, and he turns to me with inquisitive eyes. "Is, um...is he seeing anyone?"

"Seeing anyone?" Stevie asks curiously.

"You know...back to his man-whore ways, or maybe...dating someone seriously?"

A tiny glint of a smile forms on Stevie's face, but he doesn't let it loose. Instead, he casually shrugs. "I'm not sure. He doesn't discuss his sex life with me."

"His sex life? He has a sex life?" I practically screech, and I know it's ludicrous even as the words coated in razor wire escape my mouth.

Stevie's smile widens and turns positively evil. "Slip of the tongue," he says blandly. "No clue what Garrett does in his personal time. He's been quiet about it with me, but then again...do you think he'd really tell me if he was seeing someone? Knowing that it would get back to you?"

My stomach drops, rolls over, cramps painfully. My heart constricts just as hard within my chest, and it feels as if all the oxygen in my lungs dissipates. Garrett definitely would not tell Stevie if he was dating again. And the fact he hasn't said anything leads me to believe that he has, indeed, moved on from me and is seeing other women.

Anger flushes through me, followed by despair and longing, because I have no right to be angry. I have no right to expect anything of him, because not only did I break up with him, but I ignored his emails that he sent to me in a last-ditch attempt to keep me connected to him. When I didn't do anything, it took away his hope, and he's clearly moved on.

That thought is so painful, I double over and cross my arms over my stomach.

But I deserve this...I deserve this pain. I deserve to feel it, because I know Garrett has felt it. But I need to keep my resolve too. I need to seek comfort from knowing that eventually this pain will recede, and then Garrett can move on with his life and find someone better suited for him. That has to be my balm.

That has to keep me strong, and I'm grateful that Stevie isn't pushing at me to let Garrett back in.

--

The morning goes by quickly, and I get immersed deeply in the soothing motions of creating various arrangements. Stevie is conspicuously silent, and his message is clear as he handles the customers up front. He's not happy with my choices, he's completely sympathetic to Garrett, and he's letting me know it.

So be it...I don't answer to him and I didn't make these choices with any thought other than saving Garrett potential heartbreak and misery down the road.

The front doorbell rings and I can hear Stevie talking to someone in a low voice. I tune it out and sink back into the simple vase of red roses and baby's breath I'm putting together.

"Hey," I hear, and my head raises, my eyes widening in surprise when I see Alex leaning against the door frame.

"Hey," I say hesitantly, completely flummoxed why he would be standing here. While Alex is engaged to Sutton, and I'm extremely close to her, I'm not necessarily very close to Alex. He's always friendly and engaging, and I know he cares about me, but for the life of me I can't figure out why he would come to see me. "Are you here to buy some flowers?"

"Um...no...I'm actually here to see you," he says with a short smile as he steps in through the doorway to the design area and shuts the door. I glance through the window to the front and see Stevie with his head bowed over some receipts spread out on the checkout counter.

Alex walks over to my design table and leans over, sniffing at the roses. "Nice," he says as he pulls back, and then sits down on the stool beside me.

I swivel my body toward him and just look at him in curiosity. He's dressed in a pair of well-faded jeans and a long-sleeved black thermal tee. His dark hair is choppy and wavy all around his face and his pale eyes watch me with intensity.

"So, what's up?" I ask, again for the life of me just not understanding why he's here.

"I wanted to talk to you about Garrett," he says simply, his voice firm and in control.

My voice, however, shakes when I ask, "What's to talk about?"

"Oh, there's a lot to talk about, Olivia. Mainly I want to talk about how you broke my best friend's heart." He's angry and feels warranted in giving me a piece of his mind. I get it and I accept that anger. I'd feel the same if I was in his shoes.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly. "I didn't make this decision lightly."

Some of the anger drains from Alex's face, and he reaches out to place his hands on my shoulders. Leaning in, he looks me dead in the eye. "He's hurting a lot. I know you are too. That's what happens when two people who love each other and don't have any sane reason for being apart keep themselves apart."

I bring my hands up and clasp them onto Alex's wrists. "It's not that simple. I had to cut Garrett loose."

"You had to cut him loose?" Alex asks me incredulously as he releases his hold. His eyes flash hot again. "Garrett filled me in on your asinine ideas. About how you overheard him talking to Stevie, and how you don't want him to be devastated if something happened to you, yada, yada, yada."

His voice sounds bored...and he's...he's...mocking me?

My face heats with anger. "Don't make light of my feelings," I snap at him. "You don't know what it's like to be in my shoes and have to deal with this shit."

Alex shakes his head, completely nonplussed with my outburst. "Darling...I may not know what it's like to have cancer, but I do know what it's like to be in love, and there isn't anything better. You gave that up because it got too hard for

you."

"I gave Garrett up because I care about him. I love him and I don't want him to be destroyed by me down the road. I did it for him."

"Oh, bullshit, Olivia," Alex snarls at me...which is actually a bit scary, and I lean back on the stool to try to distance myself from the venom in his voice. "You did it for you...because you're too afraid to let someone in all the way. You disrespected Garrett and demeaned his feelings for you. You made a unilateral decision, and I'm here to tell you, honey...it was a bad decision."

I open my mouth to tear into him, but nothing comes out. My lips move and I'm sure I look like a gasping fish, but no words of wisdom or outrage pour out. I'm wallowing in stunned silence after Alex's harsh words.

Taking a deep breath, Alex lets it out slowly, and he gives me a small smile. "Look...I didn't come here to jump all over you. I just wanted to try to give you some perspective."

"And what perspective would that be that I haven't already considered?" I don't ask this defensively, but with genuine curiosity, because maybe I'm desperately seeking something to make me realize that I am truly wrong about all this.