Not a fucking chance.
Most beautiful girl ever sitting on my cock and I'm about ready to explode. Giving me everything I need right in this moment without expecting a fucking thing back from me.
I so don't deserve this, but I am so going to take it.
Kate starts a steady rhythm, lifting up and sinking back down on me. It's not going to take me long...I'm too pent-up with frustration. I need release too much.
But I don't want to leave her behind, so I slide one hand over her lower stomach, spread my fingers wide, and press my thumb down on her clit. She gasps and shudders, coming to a faltering stop for a moment, but when she realizes that every stroke she gives me will give her an equal one in return, she resumes her motions.
But they're not as lazy now. She picks up the speed, leaning forward a bit and putting her hands on my chest for leverage. Her breasts sway beautifully and I'd be mesmerized by them if it wasn't for the needful look in her eyes.
Her breathing quickens, as does mine.
Her hips move faster and I add to the mix, thrusting gently up against her.
My thumb presses against her harder and she starts a mewling noise that is fucking sexy as hell and has me about ready to burst.
And then...it happens at the same exact time. Completely by surprise, totally cataclysmic, but I start to come unexpectedly inside her just at the same time she grinds against me hard and starts to shake with her own orgasm.
My vision almost goes black...certainly blurry...as I come inside of her so hard, I'm afraid I might blow the end of the condom off. And even better...as my cock jumps inside her with every spurt I unload, I can feel her own muscles squeezing me in tandem with her own release. Our mutual orgasms are feeding on each other and it's seemingly never-ending.
That's it. I'm decided.
The best thing in the world is a never-ending mutual orgasm with Kate.
It's hours--yes, hours--later, I think, that our bodies finally stop quaking. Kate is utterly exhausted and she collapses on top of me, her cheek going to my chest, and my arms wrap around her back. I listen to her breathing...feel it fanning across my chest. Her heartbeat slowing from a gallop to a trot along with mine.
She feels so damn good, and what a world it would be for me if I could have this all the time.
My heart squeezes hard with sadness as I realize I just don't think it's possible.
Because even as my body quiets, my conscience starts to get louder. That I have nothing permanent or long-term to offer Kate, because I sure as hell didn't have it in me to offer it to Gina, and look how much longer I was with Gina.
I know, deep within my soul, that the best thing I could ever do for Kate is cut her loose from me. If I truly do care about her...and I know I do...I would be doing her a huge favor.
But I also know as I lie here, with her warmth against me, that I'm just not ready to do it yet. Like I said...selfish fucker and all. I'm going to continue to be a drain on her, take her light and her good to help ease my dark. I'm going to do that until that day comes when she demands more and I say I can't give it.
Chapter 28
Kate
"Have you gotten anything to eat yet?" Mely Bressard asks me as she lightly touches my shoulder.
I'm watching Ben play with some of the other kids in the giant inflatable bouncy house that's set up on Coach Pretore's back lawn. It's only been five days since the Cold Fury lost to the Atlanta Sting in the first round of the playoffs, but it's apparently a tradition to have a celebration at the end of the season.
I shake my head at Mely and with a smile tell her, "Haven't had a chance yet."
Because I've been focused on watching Ben, which is why I was brought to the party.
Zack told me that he would probably have a few drinks and wanted someone to keep an eye on Ben, which I also translated loosely into: he needed a designated driver.
But that's fine. I know that Zack and I have become a little closer over the last few weeks, but I never forget my primary role as Ben's nanny. So, I might not be able to hang with Sutton and Alex as they stand up on the back deck drinking their cocktails, and I might not be fortunate enough to have Zack look at me the way Garrett watches Olivia like a hawk, but that's fine. I'm grateful for the strides I've made with Zack and even though I know I shouldn't do it, I build up more hope as every day goes by that he will let me all the way in.
"You go and get some food before it's all gone," she says with a slight push on me toward the house. "I'll watch Ben until you get back."
I glance back at Ben, unsure if I should leave him. But Mely pushes me again and says, "Go. The quicker you get food, the quicker you can get back."
"Okay," I tell her with a grin. "Give me five minutes."
I make my way into the house, wasting a few precious minutes as Sutton drags me over to meet some of the other players and wives. It warms me when she introduces me first as her friend, and then tacks on, "Oh, and she watches Ben for Zack."
The food is all set up in the kitchen. I had seen this when I first walked into the monstrosity of a house. I haven't been back inside since then, as there were so many activities set up outside for the children that I got stuck out there playing with Ben and some of the other kids.
I've seen Zack a few times over the last few hours we've been here. Despite his claim that he was going to tie one on, I've seen him with nothing but bottled water in his hand. I wonder why that is, but am afraid to hope that it's because he really didn't need me here to be his DD or to watch Ben. He wanted me here for himself and was just too afraid to admit it.
Fine. No worries. I'll just keep trying to punch through his shell.
Apparently, I had not paid as much attention to the layout of the house as I had originally thought, and I mistakenly find myself cutting through the wrong side of the living room to get to the kitchen. As I start to turn back, I end up glancing into a large study, and I see Zack and Ryker standing in there talking. They're both looking at some of the plaques and awards on Coach Pretore's wall.
"He's an excellent coach," Ryker says. "It's one of the reasons I was eager to come here."
"Yeah." Zack nods in agreement. "He changed my game completely around...made me a better player."
"Good guy," Ryker adds.
"Really had my back after the accident," Zack reflects. "I owe him a lot."
I met the coach when we first arrived and I was a bit intimidated by him, but his wife was very lovely and welcoming. I'm glad he's a good man, though. Zack needed that type of support.
I smile to myself and turn to head toward the kitchen.
"So, how are things going with Kate?" Ryker asks, and my body halts in mid-step, my ears perking up like satellite receivers. I'm stunned that Ryker knows anything about me and Zack.
Or maybe he's just asking about me in my capacity as a nanny? But if that's the case, why is he asking? Has Zack been unhappy with the way I'm caring for Ben?
Even though it's absolutely wrong, I lean up against the wall and lurk outside the doorway.
"Dude," Zack admonishes him. "You know I'm not going there."
This is definitely about our personal relationship.
"Oh, come on," Ryker teases. "Give me something here. I'm dying to know."
"You're like a high school girl begging for gossip," Zack says, and laughs. "Pull the tampon out, man."
Ryker laughs too, and I roll my eyes over the way men do, apparently, gossip. "Look...I saw it the same way Delaney saw it. You have it bad for that girl."
Delaney knows? What the hell?
"What could you possibly know in that little bit of interaction you saw?" Zack says in a sneering sort of way, and he doesn't sound like he's laughing anymore. "It's nothing...trust me."
"You're such a fucking liar," Ryker chides, and then taunts him, "Zack, my boy...I do believe you might be in love."
I can't see what's going on. I can only hear the conversation, but my heart comes to a skittering halt when I hear Ryker
say that. He must have seen something on Zack's face or in his reaction to lead him to believe that. Something he has not been willing to show me.
"Ryker," Zack says quietly, and I have to strain to hear him. "You have it wrong."
My heart starts beating again, but constricts with anxiety.
"What you see? Between me and Kate?" Zack asks rhetorically, and by the tone of his voice my throat starts to tighten. "She's nothing but a fuck. Simple as that."
I don't hear what Ryker says in response. I don't hear what else Zack may have to say. I don't hear a damn thing as I lurch away from the wall and stumble my way back through the house. In fact, my hearing seems to have gone blessedly absent as I make my way out onto the back deck and down the stairs.
I see Sutton's mouth move as she says something to me, but I don't hear it.
I can't hear the other partiers, the music, or the kids laughing. I can't hear my own steps as I pound down the stairs.
I head over toward Mely, who is still watching Ben and the other kids. Finally, a sound filters through...a cracking sound followed by a sharp stab of pain right between my breasts.
That was the sound of my heart breaking as I come to the utter realization that Zack will never feel for me the way I feel for him. In fact, he must not think very much at all of me if he considers me just a fuck.
All of the other sounds now pour in and overwhelm me. Music, laughter, kids shrieking in happiness. It all grates on my ears.