Big, big differences between girls and boys.
Honestly, the girls are more high-maintenance and require a different sort of tact. I figured that out early.
But they're a hell of a lot of fun, and my favorite part of the day is getting them dressed and putting their hair in pretty styles. They're like big dolls, and since I never had dolls to play with growing up, I was making up for some lost time.
There is a downside, though, to this new job.
It makes me miss Ben terribly...being here in Raleigh and watching two new children. I feel like crap because I abandoned him.
Ryker told me that Zack had not hired anyone else, not really needing to during the summer break. I guess the same holds true for Ryker, but he actually wanted me to start right away because, as much as he loved his girls, much of their care had fallen to his wife, and he was a little intimidated by the prospect. But everything I've seen so far shows him to be a fantastic father to them. He was just a little rusty on some things, and he's a terrible hair braider, so he's not allowed to do that anymore.
"Are you cool about tonight?" Ryker asks as he finishes up his cookie while I'm loading the dishwasher.
"Of course," I tell him, even though my heart starts to trip madly over the reminder. "Besides...this is your house. You're allowed to have whomever you want here."
"I know," he agrees. "It's just...I know it will be weird."
"Yes, it will," I tell him with a smile. "But I'll be the consummate professional, and besides that, I'm going to hide upstairs playing with the kids."
Ryker snorts and stands up from the table. "Want any help with the dishes?"
"Um...I notice you offered only after I finished loading the dishwasher," I tell him with a chastising look.
He laughs and shoots me a wink before walking out of the kitchen. "You are pretty damn smart."
I don't bother responding, but instead turn to the girls, "Okay, my beautiful French-Fried Peacocks. Let's go upstairs and get ready for your guest for the evening."
They both jump off their chairs and run through the living room, straight up the stairs yelling, "Yay! Ben's coming!"
Yup. I'm going to see Ben tonight and I'm so giddy with anticipation, I might just pee my pants. The weird part--and the unfortunate part--is that along with Ben comes Zack.
Ryker invited Zack and a few of his other teammates over to watch game five of the Eastern Conference Championships tonight. The Atlanta Sting has made it all the way...the classic Cinderella story. They're playing the Vancouver Flash and I know it has to be extremely hard to watch a team that trounced them make it to the conference finals with a shot at going for the Cup.
I know I'll have to see Zack. I can't just hide away since he's bringing Ben. But I also won't have to suffer in his presence either, as Ryker said I could keep the kids upstairs to play. That, at least, gives me a little peace of mind.
It's not that I don't want to see Zack. And it's not that I don't miss him.
I do.
So much.
But my heart is still very much battered, and I also feel like a complete fool for even getting my hopes up for a man who could not have been any clearer with me that I shouldn't expect something.
Stupid me.
Just as I start for the staircase, my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket and smile when I see Sutton's name.
"Kate Francis...Adorkable Nanny to the Stars, at your service."
"You are completely adorkable," Sutton says with a laugh.
I smile to myself as I trudge up the stairs, phone pressed to my ear. "So to what do I owe this pleasure?"
And it is indeed a pleasure to hear from her. Sutton has stayed in constant contact with me since I left almost three and a half weeks ago. After about three phone conversations where she kept pushing and pushing at me, I finally broke down and told her the entire sordid truth about what happened between me and Zack.
And then she really wanted his balls for breakfast.
"You haven't RSVP'd yet," she says with censure. "You must RSVP."
"I told you I would probably come," I say, hedging, as I walk into the girls' room. They are setting up a tea service on a tiny little wooden table they have, and I just know Ben is going to be so happy to play tea party with them.
Not.
"Probably is not good enough. You must RSVP so I can count on you to be there," she whines into the phone.
"I don't know, Sutton," I say after huffing my breath upward to blow the bangs off my forehead. I walk over to Violet's twin bed and plunk down on it. "I'm not much of a party person."
Sutton and Alex are throwing a party this weekend. She has been yammering at me almost every day to get a commitment out of me that I'll come. They've hired a band and are having it catered. The whole works.
And I really don't want to because, as I said, it's just not my scene, but more important, I'm quite confident Zack will be there and I just don't want to have to watch him all night long. It would be torture for me.
"Besides," I tell her, "I'll probably need to stay here and watch the girls for Ryker."
"Nope," she says confidently. "Kids are invited and Ryker will be there with the girls. In fact, now that I think about it...I'm going to have him insist you come as part of your job."
"You are rotten," I tell her with a laugh, knowing I won't get out of this. As an afterthought, I ask, "Can I bring someone?"
"As in a date?" she asks with surprise.
"No...as in a friend," I set her straight. No way am I even close to wanting to date someone. My heart is still too bruised.
I was thinking about asking Mark. We've hung out once since I've returned and he's a huge hockey fan, so I know he'd get a kick out of coming to the party. Then I'd also be guaranteed to have someone to talk to rather than be the odd duck that sits alone in the corner.
"Of course you can bring someone," she chirps at me. "And I will take that as an official RSVP. I'll see you Saturday."
And then she hangs up on me before I can even argue with her further.
Devious, sneaky woman.
I think I might seriously love her.
--
I lay Ben carefully in the bed in the second guest bedroom, which is opposite the door from mine. He's conked out hard, as are Violet and Ruby in their own beds. After pulling the covers up over him, I lean down and kiss him on his forehead and then quietly back out of the room. I leave the door open so he can see the hall light if he needs something and then head downstairs.
Tonight could not have gone better for me if I had had some sort of divine intervention. My first sight of Zack since he'd broken my heart wasn't awkward at all. There was no room for it to be awkward, because when Ben laid his eyes on me, shrieked like a banshee, and hurtled himself into my arms, I didn't have eyes for anyone else but Ben. He hugged me so hard and started babbling about a million things, trying to catch me up on everything in his life.
After I got the little monster calmed down, I simply told Ryker that I'd be upstairs with the kids and carried Ben up so we could all play the rest of the evening. I didn't look back at Zack.
That doesn't mean that I didn't take a very quick peek when he first walked into the house. How could I not? He's larger than life and still is and always will be the most magnificent-looking man I'll ever behold. Just a two-second glance and I caught the slightly longer hair, dark washed jeans, and a fitted charcoal-gray T-shirt. I also caught the tanned and muscled arms and the way his thighs filled out the legs of the jeans perfectly. Most of all, I saw his anxious eyes as they roved over my face, trying to determine if he had destroyed me.
He was worried and that was sweet, but then I saw no more because my arms were full of Ben.
When I hit the bottom of the staircase, I immediately lock eyes with Ryker, who is sitting in his recliner, and I crook my finger at him. He gets up, crosses quickly in front of the TV so as not to block the view from the other guys, and walks up to me.
"The kids are all asleep. I put Ben in the room across from me."
He nods. "Gotcha. Do you want to watch the rest of the game with us? The third period just started."
"No, thanks," I say with a smile as I finally let my gaze flick past his shoulder. Zack is on one end of the couch, casually reclined back, with an ankle propped up on the opposite leg. He doesn't look at me, eyes intent on the hockey action. There are two other guys in the room, one on the opposite end of the couch from Zack and the other on the loveseat. I don't know either of them.
"Well...okay, I'll see you in the morning," Ryker says, and turns away from me.
"Sure thing," I say, and then without another glance to the occupants of the living room, I trot back upstairs again.
Ryker's house is actually very similar to Zack's in size and features. Just like Zack's house, one of the upstairs guest rooms has its own en suite bathroom, which is really nice. Gives me extra privacy. Unlike Zack's, however, the basement isn't finished, thus the reason the guys are all in the living room watching the TV. No man cave available.