Lucas (Cold Fury Hockey 8)

I shake my head. "No. Things ended badly, but even if they hadn't, the point is, it ended. Both of us drew some lines in the sand. Some pretty harsh words were spoken."

"What did Lucas say to you?" Jules asks with eyes blazing.

I shake my head again.

"What did he say?" she grits out.

An overwhelming despondency takes root within me, knowing that the terrible things that Lucas said are probably true. But maybe they're not, and I think it would be nice to have one person believe in me. So I take the risk and open myself up. It's what Lucas has been after to me to do anyway, right?

"He told me I was weak," I whisper as my eyes lower to the table. "Said he felt sorry for our kid and that I was going to fuck up its life the way my parents did to me."

Jules gasps and her face mottles red. "That little fucker."

Holding my hand up, I admit glumly, "He's probably right."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Steph," Jules barks at me. "He's totally wrong and he's an asshole to have said that to you."

My head shakes in denial, which I'm apparently very good at. "You don't know me, Jules. He does. He knows what my life was like growing up and how...how defective I am. I'll probably screw this kid up the way I was screwed up."

"Bullshit," she hisses at me, and then leans across the table. "You got pregnant by mistake. The easiest course for you to have taken was to have an abortion. Instead you tracked down Lucas and told him the truth, and you committed to having this kid and raising it on your own if that's what it took. Am I right?"

Reluctantly, I nod.

"That's because you love that baby inside of you," she presses in a softer voice. "In fact, I'm betting you fell in love with it when you saw the pregnancy test was positive."

That's so very true.

"Tell me something, Stephanie," Jules asks gently. "Putting Lucas aside, what are the things you think about when you think about raising your child?"

There's only one answer to that question, as I've thought about this a lot. "I'm going to do the exact opposite of everything my parents did."

Jules's lips curve upward and she nods at me in satisfaction. "You're going to be a great mom."

I smile back at her, extremely grateful for her boosting me up. At least I have one person who thinks I can do this, and that makes all the difference in the world to me.

Chapter 23

Lucas

"Don't you think you ought to slow it down a bit?" Simone says to me as I take a sip of my fifth Jack and Coke. Or is it my sixth?

"Is it rude to tell my little sister to fuck off?" I growl at her as I lean an elbow on the bar and survey the place. My eyes lock on a blonde across the small dive bar we stopped at because it was too early to hit the dance clubs. She gives me a look that says I could get very lucky if I just walk across to talk to her.

"It's completely rude," Simone sniffs. "And stop taking your anger out on me."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I mutter, and take a bigger gulp, wanting to hurry up and go from buzzed to drunk off my ass. It's been the only state of mind where I've had any peace the last few weeks.

"I know you've been slamming liquor tonight trying to forget about Jules calling you out on the carpet," she pushes back at me. "I can't believe you said that to Stephanie."

So now everyone's on Stephanie's side now. Just fucking great.

I drain my glass, slam it onto the bar, and give a chin lift to the bartender to pour me another. I'm close to going numb, and while I'll never admit it to my annoying sister, I am indeed trying to get a fast drunk going to forget about the way Jules went at me tonight.

Simone, Van, and I had stopped by Max and Jules's house for dinner with plans for going out later that night club hopping. We have four more days off until conference finals start this coming Sunday and I wanted to blow off some steam, which translated into I wanted to get laid. It was way past time.

The minute I walked into their house, though, Jules came at me. Apparently she'd had lunch with Stephanie that day and got the entire scoop on what went down between us. This, of course, included Stephanie running her trap with the details of the words we'd exchanged.

"You're a fucking asshole," Jules said to me when I walked into the kitchen. My first reaction was to look around to make sure the kids hadn't heard, but they were nowhere to be found.

"Excuse me?" I asked, having no clue what she was talking about. I glanced at Max and saw that he knew whatever Jules was talking about, and he even moved in closer to her side to show solidarity with her anger.

"You told Stephanie that she'd fuck up her child the way her parents fucked her up," Jules hissed at me. "I don't think I've ever heard of anything more shitty in my life, and you should be ashamed of yourself."

Simone gasped behind me and I have no clue what Van's reaction was, because my eyes were pinned on Jules. I wanted to be incensed she'd even butt into my business, but I was too preoccupied with a searing guilt flash boiling my insides. It was perhaps the meanest thing I've ever said to anyone in my life, and it's made me sick to my stomach for days and days thinking about it. It's why I've been trying to stay drunk in my downtime.

But I wasn't about to be attacked, because that made my guilt worse, so I went on the offensive and became a total douche when I said, "Hey...I call it as I see it."

Jules's mouth dropped open, Max's eyes rounded in disappointment at me, and Simone sucked in a breath behind me. The kitchen was deadly quiet and no one said anything as I engaged in a staring war with Jules. Finally she just turned her back on me and went to the sink, where she started rinsing out some dishes. Her silence was more vicious than anything she could have yelled at me.

My gaze cut to Max's and I was gutted when he turned his back on me too, walking up to Jules and hugging her from behind.

"I'm outta here," I had growled, and stormed out of the house. To my surprise, Van and Simone scurried after me, silently getting in my car. I turned on the ignition and warned both of them, "I don't want to hear another word about this tonight."

They were both silent until now, and it seems Simone has found her voice. "You should go to Stephanie and apologize to her. That's awful to say something like that, especially as sensitive as she is to those issues."

I turn my gaze from Simone back to the blonde across the bar. She licks her lips and I count that as a very clear indication I'm getting laid tonight. God knows I need it, as I've been in a total dry spell since Stephanie and I parted ways.

Another stab of guilt hits me, not only for those nasty words, but for remaining silent for the past two weeks. I haven't even bothered to see if she's doing okay, and that makes me feel shittier about myself.

The bartender brings my drink back, and I shove some money across the wooden counter to him. "Keep the change."

"Thanks, man," he says, and walks away.

I pick up my drink and take another healthy slug, snagging a chunk of ice and chewing on it. I don't look back to the blonde just yet, because she's not the only game in here and I don't want her to think it's a sure bet, because I might find something better.

"Lucas," Simone says with a nudge to my shoulder. "I think we should talk about it. You and Stephanie had something really good and you both can't throw your hands up and quit yet."

I spin on her and she takes a step backward, running into Van, who is just watching silently. He's only out with us tonight because he likes to get drunk and bang loose women, same as me. He merely backs up a step to give Simone room as I snarl at her, "I'm not the one that quit the relationship. That was all Stephanie, so I'm not the bad guy here."

"You are if you said those things to her," she retorts. "If there was a chance to work it out, you probably shot that to shit with those nasty things you said to her."

Fuck yeah...I know that's the truth, which means I'm not only feeling guilty, but I'm pissed at myself for being so stupid. All of these emotions have been making for one seriously pissed-off and aggra

vated man, and the more Simone picks at me, the greater chance I'm going to erupt, and she's not going to like it.

"Maybe if you went over to see her and apologized, you could get back on track. You are still having a baby with her, you know."

Simone's yammering and the pointed reminder that I'm still going to be involved in Stephanie's life but not the way I want it to be pushes me over the edge. I tilt my glass back, and in four powerful swallows I empty it.

My head spins and I look down at Simone. "Mind your own fucking business, and I mean that sincerely. If you can't, pack your shit up and get out of my house."

Simone's mouth drops open in surprise, and that makes me feel guilty too. So I turn away from her and look at the blonde as I pull my car keys out of my pocket. I thrust them at Van and say, "Get Simone home if you don't mind. I've got much better things to do with my time."

I risk a quick glance at Simone and I see her eyes flash furiously at me. I ignore it and start across the bar toward the blonde, who smiles at me in lustful welcome.

"Lucas," Simone calls out to me.

I ignore her.

"Lucas, you don't want to do this."

I continue to ignore her.

"Lucas, look at me damn it," she yells, and I twist my head to look over my shoulder at her.

"Guess what?" she asks tauntingly.

I merely wait to see what she seems so smug about.