Marek (Cold Fury Hockey 11)

"We need to talk," I say to Marek as his parents close the front door behind us.

"Here," his mom says briskly as she holds her hands out to Lilly. "We'll take her into the kitchen and maybe fix a snack. You hungry, Lilly?"

Lilly nods with a sweet smile, her hands reaching for Joan. Marek reluctantly releases her, scrubbing a hand through his hair with a frustrated huff once she's in her grandma's arms. I don't say a word, but head into his room, knowing he'll follow.

When I hear the snick of the door shutting, I turn to face Marek, who is now leaning back against it with his arms crossed defensively over his chest. He doesn't wait for me to go on the offense, instead giving me his most droll, condescending voice imaginable. "Let's hear it, Gracen. Get it off your chest so we can move past this."

His indifference to my anger pisses me off and I stomp up to him, going to my tiptoes and getting right in his face. "You should have asked my permission before you took her ice-skating."

"Let me guess," he drawls with a cocked eyebrow. "With the benefit of hindsight, you'd have said no, right?"

"I would have said no," I growl at him. "Regardless of hindsight. She's three years old."

"She'll be four in a few months," he mutters.

"And she's far too small to be on ice skates," I continue, ignoring the fact that she is a bit older than I'd said. "You should have asked me first, and if you had, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Marek decides to go on the offense, dropping his arms and pushing away from the door. He backs me up across the room without touching me, just advancing forward as he says, "I cannot believe you'd even think to blame me for this. It was an accident, Gracie. Kids get hurt."

"So says the man that's been a dad for mere days." I stop and plant myself, causing him to halt inches from me.

He bends down, hovering over me as his eyes go dark and stormy. "I'd have been a dad a lot longer if you had fucking told me the truth from the start."

He promised me that was in the past. That he'd forgiven me. That it was no longer a factor in how he felt, but it becomes clear to me.

So fucking clear that he's never going to let that go.

"It may be a good thing I kept her hidden," I say in a deathly quiet voice. "Because your father skills suck."

Marek sucks in a sharp breath as hurt fills his eyes. Then it flickers out and his eyes go ice cold. He lifts a hand and points an accusing finger at me. "Fuck, it's no wonder I wanted out from underneath that fiasco of a relationship we had. You're a goddamn shrew, Gracie. I just couldn't imagine being shackled to that for the rest of my life."

Somewhere deep inside me, I know he's saying that just to hurt me because I just hurt him. But that rational thought is so deep that it's easy to push down even more. Bury it from further consideration.

"Well, let me save you from any more heartburn, Marek." My voice is scathing and brittle. "I'm out of here."

I push past him, my shoulder unintentionally hitting hard against his arm. It moves him to the side, but fast as lightning, he's gripping me by my wrist to stop me.

He turns me to face him and demands, "What exactly does that mean?"

Jerking out of his grasp, I keep a fairly calm voice but drive home that I mean business as I walk to the door. "It means that I'm leaving."

Marek laughs. "Good. Go. But I want split custody. On my days here, I want Lilly."

I freeze with my hand on the doorknob and turn to face him slowly. "I'm not staying here...in Raleigh, Marek. There's nothing for me here. I'm going back home to Wilkie. To my parents."

"No, you're fucking not." His chest heaves. His words slice into me. "You try to take her out of this state and I'll take you to court. I'll sue for full custody."

"Save it. Your threats don't work on me anymore. You eliminated my Owen problem, so I'm not afraid to go home anymore."

"Afraid to go home?" he asks in confusion. "When were you ever afraid?"

"Forget it," I say in exasperation, and more than done with this conversation I turn the knob and open the door.

The same old hurts being flung at each other.

We'd never change.

We'd never really forgive.

"You're not taking Lilly out of this state," Marek says quietly, and it's a threat.

I don't respond because I'm tired of all of this. Tired of being reminded of my sins, and I'm done with remembering the heartbreak he'd caused me. And yes, I'm even tired of throwing vile things back in his face.

Just tired.

"You have a game to get to, Marek," I murmur before walking out of his room.

"You're not taking Lilly away," he calls after me.

Chapter 27

Marek

My teammates are loud and boisterous as we enter the locker room following our victory.

Not me, though.

I am in a deep, dark mood. I viciously slam my stick into the vertical cubby that holds my personal gear, trying to ignore the backslapping and congratulations going on around me. I shrug my gloves off, and after sitting on the bench, I unlace my skates as I mull over what a fantastically shitty day I've had.

It's started off great before nose-diving into an abyss from which I can't seem to escape.

I took Lilly ice-skating with the idea that she would learn a little bit about what her father does for a living. I sure as fuck didn't expect her to end up in the emergency room with a split lip and a loose tooth. I almost had a heart attack as some hellion-type kid chasing another hellion-type kid around the ice clipped Lilly's legs. I had been letting her hold on to my fingers as I skated behind her, and it happened so fast and so forcefully that she was ripped away from me.

I've seen blood pouring onto the ice a million times from various injuries and cuts while playing, but it's a completely different matter when it's your daughter's blood. I may have lost my shit and yelled at the two kids whose parents came over and were duly apologetic. I wanted to kill those little fuckers.

I realize kids get hurt. I realize Lilly is going to get hurt again. But I wonder if I have the fortitude to survive that stuff, because having to take her to the hos

pital had knocked about ten years off my life. The day got only shittier when Gracen blamed me for everything.

What sucks the most is that she's probably right. I should've asked her if it was okay and we should've talked about it. I was skating at Lilly's age, but it doesn't mean she was ready, and when it boils right down to it, I don't know much about my daughter. How can I make such a judgment call about her abilities when I've known her for a month and a half?

The craptacular way I played during the game tonight is just icing on the cake.

I knew Gracen wasn't in the stands watching me and was in fact probably packing her bags to leave. My head just wasn't in the game, because all I could do was keep replaying our last conversation.

The vicious cycle we keep repeating. It's formulaic.

Cause and effect.

Never ending.

She gets mad. I get mad. I throw it in her face that she's deceitful for keeping Lilly a secret. She throws it right back in my face that she had no choice because of the way I dumped her. These are weapons in our arsenals and we have no hesitation in using them against each other. It's fucked up and unnecessary.

What I don't understand is why I can't let it go. Why she can't let it go. We're together again. We're a family.

The only thing I can conclude is that perhaps we don't belong together. If we were really forgiving of each other, then we'd be able to truly let these things go. The fact that we can't perhaps is an indication that we're all wrong for each other.

That thought makes my stomach flip, and it's Gracen I'm thinking about, not Lilly, in this moment. I know Lilly will always be mine. I know no such thing about Gracen.

A hand slams down onto my shoulder with enough force that I feel it through my padding. I look up and see Reed grinning down at me. "For someone that just won an important game tonight, you look awful pissy."

I glare at Reed and mutter, "That win didn't happen because of me."

I missed passes, checks, and screen attempts. My legs seemed to be filled with lead, and I felt about two seconds behind on everything. It was probably one of the shittiest games I've ever played in my life.

"Dude," Reed says with concern in his voice as he sits down beside me on the bench. "What's wrong?"