“No, I’m not saying that at all. I did want you, but it was only because I had a moment of insanity and irrational thoughts.”
It felt like a dagger hit me right in the heart. Timberlynn looked as if she might burst into tears.
“A moment of insanity and irrational thoughts?” I asked in a confused voice.
She looked down, then back up. For a moment I thought she was going to come to me. She looked so lost. Then her body went rigidly straight and she lifted her chin. “I’m not Lindsey or some girl on the rodeo circuit, or your special friend you can fuck and then walk away from.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I never said you were. I don’t want a quick fuck with you. I want more, and I thought you knew that. I thought you felt the same way.”
She let out a shallow laugh. “Oh, so you want more? Is that what this is? Mess around with me, and see if you’re ready to settle down for a bit?”
I shook my head as I tried to make sense of what was happening. “What are you even talking about?”
“No, thank you, Tanner. Not interested.”
My confusion was replaced by anger. “You sure as hell were interested a few moments ago, and all day when you let me flirt with you, even hold your hand.”
Panic flashed across her face as she looked away. She was thinking of something to say, a response that would invalidate what we’d shared that day. I saw the moment she picked the words she would use as her weapon. Her entire body went stiff. She didn’t bother to look at me when she launched them out in full attack. “You’re the last man I would want to have a relationship with.”
I inhaled sharply. That hurt a hell of a lot more than I thought it would. I was positive my body reacted as if someone had hurled a hammer at my chest, because the moment she said the words, she flinched.
I nodded and took a few steps back. My hand went to the back of my neck to rub away the instant ache. I had no idea what had caused the turnaround. Embarrassment that my mother had almost caught us? Maybe I wasn’t the type of guy she was interested in after all. I honestly had no clue. The only thing I knew was my head was fucking spinning, and she was making it clear she wasn’t interested.
With a quick nod in her direction, I made my voice void of any emotion. I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her know her words had affected me. “Okay, well, thank you for making that clear to me, Timberlynn.”
Without another word, I turned to leave. The anger built faster than I had ever experienced before in my life. Or maybe it was the hurt of her rejection sinking in. Her words replayed in my head. She had hurled them out at me so easily, I almost believed her. I knew she had been hurt by someone, but that didn’t mean she had any reason to hurt me too.
“Tanner. I didn’t…”
I got to the door and threw it open so hard it slammed against the wall. I didn’t hear the rest of what she was saying because I walked away so fast, I nearly sprinted.
You’re the last man I would want to have a relationship with.
As I made my way down the steps, my mother called out for me. “Tanner? Honey, where are you going?”
“I’m going out, Mama,” I said as I glanced back over my shoulder.
Timberlynn stood at the top of the steps, her face a mixture of emotions.
“I’m going to the Blue Moose. Don’t wait up for me, I’ll be home late.”
Timberlynn didn’t say a word, she simply stood there. I willed her to ask me not to go, but she didn’t. I turned and headed down the hall to the front door. Opening the door, I didn’t bother to look back as I shut it behind me.
Chapter Twelve
TIMBERLYNN
The next morning I sat at the kitchen table as Stella and Kaylee talked about the New Year’s Eve party Stella and Ty Senior were going to throw. “I hope the weather is good, and we don’t have a storm blow in,” Stella said as she made a list of things to buy and things to do to prepare for the party.
Staring at the empty chair that Tanner normally sat in, I tried not to think about where he had gone last night. After a quick google search on my phone, I knew the Blue Moose was a bar, and my mind raced all evening and half the night. What had he done? Did he meet up with anyone? Leave with anyone? Stay the night at a friend’s house? It drove me mad last night, and I ended up getting up at four in the morning to read a book. I knew I had absolutely no right to even care, but I did. It felt like I was being torn apart inside by the things I said to him. Things I didn’t even mean.
I had loved Tanner’s hands on me. His fingers inside me. The orgasm he brought out in me was so different from what I had ever experienced before. Sure, I’d had orgasms before, but never one like this. I’d never wanted a man to touch me like I had wanted Tanner to last night. Lord, last night. I had been so out of my mind with passion and lust, I had forgotten where we were. In his parents’ house. With them downstairs. How could I be so foolish? I had promised myself I would never let a man make me feel out of control ever again. And with Tanner, I had felt so beautifully out of control, and in the moment, I had loved it. Until that knock on the door had pulled me back to reality.
I closed my eyes tightly. I was lying to myself. I had felt in control the entire time because Tanner had given me all the control. He had asked permission before he did anything.
Oh God. Why had I reacted that way?
I opened my eyes and rubbed my hand over my chest in an attempt to ease the tightness. I knew why I reacted that way. I was letting Tanner in, and that scared the living piss out of me.
“Timberlynn?”
Kaylee’s voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I snapped my eyes over to her. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Daydreaming, were you?” Kaylee asked with a soft smile. Her eyes silently asked if I was okay, and I gave her a simple grin in return.
“Something like that. Trying to guess what this surprise is you’re going to show me today.”
Kaylee’s faced beamed with excitement, then she looked at her phone. “If you’re ready to go, we should probably be heading out.”
“Sure, I’m ready.”
Stella looked at me with an odd expression on her face, but then it was gone in an instant as she stood and flashed that sweet smile of hers. It reminded me so much of Tanner’s smile, and it was hard to ignore the way my stomach dropped as I thought once more about how I had reacted last night.
“When you come back, we’re baking for the holidays,” Stella said.
I looked between her and Kaylee. Neither one of us was used to these sorts of activities. Kaylee’s parents were always out of town, and Lord knows my father was never around for any pre-holiday activities. My nanny had tried a few times to arrange for Christmas cookie baking and decorating with a promise from my father that he would be there. He never showed up, and after three years in a row of him being a no-show, and me growing old enough to know he didn’t give a damn about my feelings, I asked Rachel to stop planning
them.
Kaylee winked at me, most likely knowing where my thoughts were.
“I’ve never baked for the holidays before,” I admitted.
Stella looked stunned. “Why not?” She seemed apologetic as soon as she said it.
I shrugged. “My father was a doctor and worked a lot, so we never got to the whole before-Christmas cookie baking.”
“Ever?” Stella asked.
“No, ma’am. Not once that I can remember.”
“But you had presents and such?”
I turned and looked at Kaylee. “Shall we go?” I knew it was rude, but with the way I was feeling about everything with Tanner, the last thing I wanted to talk about was my lack of happy childhood Christmas memories.
“Yeah, let me text Ty that we’re leaving and I’m taking his truck.”
Stella walked us to the back door where Kaylee had parked Ty’s truck.
“You girls have fun. Be sure to stop at Nelly’s for a piece of pie, at least, Kaylee.”
I wanted to groan. I’d only been here a week and I was positive I had gained ten pounds already. If I moved here, I’d have to rein in my eating some.
Kaylee chuckled. “I think I’ll save the calories for baking later!”
Stella laughed. “Have fun!”
Kaylee walked out first, and I had to catch my breath at the shock from the cold wind. “Holy shit!” I shouted as I ran past Kaylee to the truck. I didn’t see the small patch of ice and slipped. I was about to fall when strong arms grabbed me from behind.
“Whoa, be careful, or you’ll break your neck. And you’re too beautiful to die.”
When I was firmly on my feet, I turned to see Dirk Littlewood standing there, all six foot two of him. His dark hair was covered by a black cowboy hat that made those meadow green eyes of his flash with excitement. To say he was handsome was an understatement. Of course, Tanner was far more handsome, in my opinion. But Dirk had a forbidden look about him. He was good looking and he knew it, yet he didn’t act cocky. He truly seemed liked a gentleman. He was Brock’s age, twenty-nine I believed Kaylee had said, and seemed to be the only one in this little group not ready to settle down.