He shook his head once making me loosen my grip and release his hair. He placed his chin on my lower abdomen and looked up at me for a while, searching my face before speaking.
“Baby, it’s me. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. There’s nothing to be weirded out about. I haven’t done this before. You think I’m not nervous?” he asked softly.
I gasped. “Cole, you have done this before—a gazillion times,” I exclaimed, slightly turning myself away from him.
He held my hips in place. “No, Blake, I haven’t. I’ve had sex before—yes. Casual, meaningless, stupid sex. I might as well not have done it to be honest. This,” he said motioning between us, “is not casual. It’s not stupid, and it sure as fuck is not meaningless.” He tilted my chin to make sure I looked him in the eye. “I’m in love with you, Blake. I’ve been in love with you from the moment I saw you. I’ve been in love with you from the day I was born and possibly even before then. I belong to you. My body belongs to you. My heart belongs to you. Please let me make love to you.”
My hands were shaking, my heart may have stopped for a beat or two and I felt tears form in my eyes, but I was able to nod my reply.
“Besides,” he said smirking as he parted my legs again. “This is my first time, too. I’ve never kissed anybody...down here.”
My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. I would have said something, but when I felt his tongue flicker against me, I was a goner.
He dragged his body against mine as I shook in the after shocks when he started placing soft kisses on my neck and began to touch me again.
“I have to make sure you’re ready for me, baby,” he said gruffly. “But you’re so fucking wet already. I don’t think I need to do anything else.” He ravished my mouth again before opening my legs wider and teasing me with his tip.
“Cole, please,” I moaned as I pushed my body toward him.
“Hold on, baby,” he groaned as he slowly pressed himself inside me.
I squeezed my eyes shut and bit down on my lip when discomfort rippled through me. I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside. I squeezed his shoulder tightly to keep from crying out.
“Are you okay, baby?” he asked as he stilled.
I nodded furiously. “Yes, yes, just keep going, please.”
He pushed inside a bit more and paused again, letting me get used to the feeling. After he had pushed himself in and out a couple of times, he picked up his rhythm.
“Fuck, baby,” he said in a low voice. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You feel so fucking good.”
All I saw were Cole’s green eyes boring into mine, not letting me look away. My heart felt full as he kissed me affectionately, told me how much he loved me, and how good it felt to be inside me. I felt him throb inside me a couple of times and his body tensed.
“God, Blake, I love you so much, baby,” he grunted as he pushed inside me one last time.
He placed his head on my shoulder and kissed me softly. “I’ve never felt that before either,” he let out a breath. “That...I can only feel that with you, baby. Only you.”
I saw the sincerity in his eyes, and I knew he was right. If I hadn’t fallen in love with Cole before, I definitely knew I had then. With a tightening pang in my chest, I had the sudden urge to cry.
Between his loving words and the intimacy we’d just shared, I knew I’d never be the same again. It wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, but I knew I could never love anybody the way I loved Cole. I hugged him tightly, wishing I could tell him how I felt. Wishing I wasn’t so scared of everything. Of loving him. Of losing him. Beyond that, I was thankful that he loved me the way I was—scars and all.
Chapter 10
Present
“So what now?” I ask Cole as he walks Aubry and I through La Guardia Airport to the security area.
Cameras flash here and there as photographers recognize his face. Guys come up to him, say hello, take photos, and tell him how great he is. A couple of girls smile and take a picture; they say their boyfriends are going to be so jealous. The fact that Cole has this whole “bro” following makes me laugh. After all those years of guys not liking him because their girlfriends did, the opposite is happening and it’s pretty funny. Now girls don’t like him because all their boyfriends do is watch him on the tube. Aubry and I share this joke as we step aside and let him talk to some more people.