He tilts his head and smiles. “You’re right. I did promise you epic.”
I shake my head slowly and laugh. “I’m kidding! Don’t take it back!”
“Oh, I’m not taking it back, but I definitely want to do it over. I want you to remember it forever...I’ll come up with something,” he says, his words trailing off as he ponders.
“No! I loved it this time!”
He laughs. “I know you did, baby, but I don’t even have a ring yet,” he says before he kisses me softly. “And technically you never said yes, so I still get another try. I’ll see you tonight.”
“See you. I love you,” I reply with a smile and a loud kiss.
He beams at me. “I love you, too.”
A couple of hours after he leaves, Aubry drops by. He’s still unpacking boxes, which is absurd. He finds the funniest things from our teenage years, and brings them over. I open the door for him, and we sit in the living room talking about Maggie for a while. Her death has taken a toll on him, and he’s now swimming twice a day, instead of his regular one hour in the mornings. He says being in the water gives him a numb feeling, which is all he wants sometimes.
“It sucks to lose your mother,” he says as he lets his head fall back on the couch.
“Sucks is a bad word for that loss. I don’t think a strong enough word exists,” I reply sadly as I squeeze his hand in mine. “I’m so sorry.”
He sighs and looks at me. “Will you please stop saying you’re sorry? You lost her too, Cowboy. If you keep blaming yourself, I’m going to disown you as my best friend,” he huffs.
I sputter in laughter. “Really? Is that even possible?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “Nah, probably not.”
“So what’d you find this time?” I ask him as I cross one leg under the other.
“Well, other than these,” he says, smiling and handing me our old Jax sets. “I found this,” he gives me a ratty-looking envelope.
“What is it?” I ask with wide eyes. “Oh my God, Aubry. Don’t tell me you had a crush on me all this time!” I squeal.
He throws his head back and laughs loudly. “Fuck, Cowboy, it took you this long to notice?” he asks amused. “I gotta step up my game!”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “Really, though, what is it?” I ask examining the envelope in my hand.
“It’s the letter that Cole gave me that time...you know, after we went to see him? At Duke?”
He sees the realization cross my face and nods along with me. “Oh,” is all I can reply. I’m not sure if I want to read this—ever.
“Well, I figured you’re together now. You won’t die if you read it. Or you can just throw it away. I didn’t want to make the decision for you.”
“You didn’t read it?” I ask surprised.
He tilts his head and gives me a look. “Of course I fucking read it. Have you met me?”
I laugh loudly, because Aubry is seriously one of the nosiest people I know.
After he leaves, I throw on a light jacket and decide to go to the park for a while. After walking around and lounging for a bit, I look at my phone and see that it’s only 3:10. I smile and type a quick text message to Cole that says I love you. I do this sometimes in the middle of the day—in hopes of getting him through a rough day. I’m not sure that it helps him, but I like to imagine his smiling face when he reads them. I press Send and lie back down on the grass. I hear a crunch in my back pocket and remember the letter. I sit back up and take it out. The envelope is unmarked. It looks like it’s been through hell and back—and in a sense, it has. I hear my phone beep Cole’s reply:
I love you to the moon and back. Sitting in a meeting scheming our epic engagement.
I laugh out loud at that before I put my phone beside me and take the letter out of the envelope. I raise my eyebrows at the sight of Cole’s messy handwriting. His penmanship has definitely gotten better over the years. I don’t know why my hands are shaking. It’s not as if this letter will change anything now. The thought doesn’t stop my heart from skipping a beat, though.
Baby,
I hope by the time you get this letter, it’s not too late. I hope that I never have to give this to you at all. I hope that tomorrow morning you come downstairs and have chocolate chip pancakes with me, like you do every morning, and tell me that breaking up with me was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. I hope you ask me to get back together with you, because I’d do it. I’d forget about the hole that you made in my heart when you said your goodbye. I know that won’t happen though. You’re stuck in your ways—as usual. You seem to think I would be missing out on some awesome college experience if we stayed together. I fucking love you. When will you understand that? I don’t wanna see other people. There is nobody out there that will ever be what you are to me. Nobody will ever be pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, or as big of a pain in my ass as you are. You’re the only one I want. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.