“And then he married another publicly. I know the story. It ended poorly for everyone involved.”
“It’s said he was buried with a locket that held a photo of her.”
“Right. After a long life without her.” I searched his eyes. He couldn’t seriously be asking me to be his mistress.
“I need you, Addie.”
“I couldn’t do that, Eli,” I whispered, blinking as fresh tears brewed. “I couldn’t be your mistress, standing aside to watch you father children with another woman. Children I would want to share with you.”
“Fuck.” He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. It smelled of whiskey when he exhaled. When he looked at me again, he looked terribly sad, and I wished I could agree to whatever he asked, but I knew deep down that I couldn’t. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“I only feel free when I’m with you.” He inched closer, his mouth merely inches from mine. “I only feel anything when I’m with you. I don’t want to give this up. Je ne veux jamais que cela s’arrête.”
My heart broke with his admission. I never wanted it to end either. I didn’t respond. Not with words. I wouldn’t cave to his demands just because I felt sorry for him in the moment or because his words made me feel things I couldn’t control. I’d been there and done that in the past and it left me running for the hills. Instead of saying anything, I leaned in and kissed him. It was a soft and tentative kiss that he matched. His hands moved underneath the tank top I wore and explored me as the kiss deepened. The gentleness of his touch would be my undoing. Without words, I showed him that I too only felt anything when I was with him, that everything inside of me matched everything inside of him. That knowing he had to marry another woman was killing me slowly. As we undressed and kissed and touched and explored each other’s bodies slowly, I started to cry because I knew it would be the last time. This was the end for us and we both knew it. Elias took his time even in rolling on the condom. His eyes never left mine, his hands roamed over every inch of me, and when he finally positioned himself between my legs and started to fuck me, he was so gentle it left me breathless. Each thrust slower than the last. Each groan deeper. Each tug of my hair stronger. Each scratch deeper, matching the pain. I loved him. I had no doubt of that. And because I loved him, I had to let him go.
Chapter 23
He was gone when I woke up. I’d expected him to be, but it didn’t diminish the pain in my heart. I turned the television on and watched as the news anchors covered the king’s death. They were barely keeping it together as they spoke about it and it occurred to me how much people genuinely cared about the royals. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t really grown up here or that my father was always at odds with everything the Crown did, but I always figured everyone was waiting for King Alexandre to pass away so they could take the country into their own hands. That wasn’t the case, or at least not the one they portrayed on the screen. My phone rang beside me and I answered it upon seeing Etienne’s name flash on the screen.
“Have you heard?”
“Yeah. I’m watching the news now,” I said.
“I tried calling Aramis, but got no response. I assume Eli isn’t in the villas.”
“I don’t think so.” I looked toward the window, though I couldn’t see anything from where I was sitting. “I haven’t even looked outside today.”
“I guess your basket duty is over.”
“I guess so,” I said absentmindedly. The news screen cut to a news anchor standing outside the wing of the palace where the cabinet met. My father was standing beside him. It shouldn’t have been a shock to see him on there, but it was.
“Monsieur Bouchard is looking sharp,” Etienne said.
“And old.”
“He does look older. Have you spoken to him?”
“No.”
“Seeing him on the telly must be weird.”
“It was bound to happen.”
“Addie.” He sighed.
“It is what it is.” I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me.
Looking at my father right now I didn’t feel the sadness I expected. I felt anger. This man was supposed to love me unconditionally and one slip up from me had him pretending he didn’t even have a daughter. I knew he was busy, but that didn’t excuse him of his fatherly duties.
“I’m going to have to go to the funeral,” Etienne said after a moment. “Do you want to go with me?”
“Sure. I should pay my respects to the family if I can. I’m sure it’ll be a madhouse.”