Still Standing (Wild West MC 1)

Minnie stared at me.

Then she stated, “Fuck me, in a million years I would never guess Buck would hook up with a bitch like you.”

I nodded.

“I agree,” I told her. “I don’t know him very well, but I would guess I’m not his type. I even asked him why, and although I believed his answer, I still find it odd he’s into me.”

“Are you into him?” Pinky put in quietly, and I looked at her.

“Um…yes.”

“Um, yes,” Minnie muttered, “I bet.”

“Sorry?” I asked Minnie.

“Ain’t no secret your shit’s messed up, babe, not a little, a-fuckin’-lot. Now, I don’t judge, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. What I do not like is you doin’ it with Buck.”

I was confused. “Doing what?”

“Takin’ advantage of him to get your shit sorted out.”

Oh God.

She thought I was using Buck.

“Minnie, Jesus,” Driver growled, sounding mad.

“You lie,” I stated, ignoring Driver, my eyes holding Minnie’s.

“Come again?”

“You lie,” I repeated. “You judge. You judge just like those people looking at me judge. You think you know me, but you don’t.”

Minnie’s back went straight, and her face got hard again just as the waitress put down our drinks. We stayed silent and tense through this (though Pinky muttered, “Thank you”) and then Minnie leaned in when the waitress was gone.

“Not big on a bitch talkin’ trash to me like that, Clara,” she warned.

“Min, honey,” Lorie murmured. “Cool down.”

“And this,” I whispered, tears suddenly filling my eyes, “is when it gets bad. People judge and sometimes I feel it with looks and sometimes they say stuff to me. Not like what you just said, but why you said it. You don’t like me, and you don’t even know me. You made up your mind before you even met me. And for some reason, some reason I don’t get, you feel well within your rights to lay it out for me even though I didn’t do that first thing to harm you.”

“Clara, honey,” Lorie said beside me, her hand coming back to my leg to give it another squeeze.

But I shook my head and didn’t take my focus from Minnie.

“And you know, the thing that gets me, it always gets me, is that I care. Even about what you think, regardless that you haven’t been nice to me even for a second. I care that you think I am what you think I am even though I’m not. That matters to me.” I sucked in breath and finished, “And it hurts.”

That’s when I looked down at the table, grabbed my Diet Coke and put the straw to my lips, avoiding everyone’s eyes, sucking back soda and trying to fight back the tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

“There you go,” Minnie said, and my gaze hesitantly went to her face.

“Sorry?”

“People say shit to you, you call ’em on it. There you go,” she replied, and I noticed her face, nor her voice was hard anymore.

“Sorry?” I repeated.

“Babe, I was bein’ a bitch.” Minnie sat back. “You’re right. And you were right to call me on it. They look at you, you feel like givin’ ’em ’tude, give it to them. Say, ‘What the fuck’s up your ass?’ Bet you say that, they won’t be starin’ at you no more and they’ll think twice before they do it to anyone else. They say somethin’ to you, you don’t feel like turnin’ the other cheek, you give it right back to them. Say, ‘And this is your business because…? Fuck off, asshole.’ Fuck ’em. What do you care? You ain’t ever gonna see them again.”

“That’s good advice,” Pinky whispered.

“I’m not sure I can do that,” I told Minnie, and she shrugged.

“Then don’t,” she returned. “But don’t let it get under your skin. Like I said, fuck ’em. They don’t mean shit to you. You walk away and you’ll never see ’em again. You let them control your life, invade your headspace, that ain’t right. It’s so not right it’s whacked.”

At that point, Lorie started talking, and I turned my head to her.

“Your old man, hon, let’s just say, he’s a dick. He fucked you over, big time. But you are doin’ this to you now. He’s gone and been gone awhile. But you’re still lettin’ him fuck you. Stop doin’ that.”

“That’s good advice too,” Pinky added her endorsement.

I hadn’t thought of it like that.

I hadn’t thought of any of this like that.

I looked at Minnie and explained, “I’m not taking advantage of Buck. He offered to help. I tried to leave town, then I got beat up so that became difficult. I didn’t even want to take his help, but he convinced me.”

“Sucks, babe,” Lorie muttered her understatement.

“I bet Buck can be pretty convincing,” Pinky muttered hers.

I kept talking to Minnie.

“And I don’t look down my nose at you. I’m not sure I could pull off that halter top, but I admire the fact that you can. You’ve got a lovely body and I think it’s cool you have no problems showing it off. I’m not cool. I’m a librarian. I’ve always wanted to be cool, maybe not by wearing halter tops, but I don’t know, in some way. I just don’t have it in me. I think I was born an awkward, geeky, brainy librarian. I could probably wear a halter top and still look like an awkward, geeky, brainy librarian.”