“Buck,” I whispered, not believing all he was telling me, not believing he hadn’t shared this with me, not believing he could deal with all my problems, his kids’ problems and all of this swirling around him.
Constantly.
“The good life comes with money, babe, it’s just the way it is.”
This was true.
Rogan, in his way, did the same thing.
It was also false.
“Depends on what you consider a good life, honey,” I told him, and he stared up at me.
Then he whispered, “Yeah.”
“Can I ask why, you telling me that, you’d think I’d look at you differently?”
“Babe, I was a part a’ that shit. It didn’t last decades, but it did last a few years.”
“Okay, but you aren’t now.”
“Yeah, but I was.”
“And you aren’t now. And you’re keeping the Club clean.”
“That shit bought me my house, Toots. The one you live in. It bought me my bed. The one you sleep in. You gotta know that.”
“Okay, now I know it.”
He stared at me again and kept at it.
“Clara, you’re fuckin’ a man like the man you used to be fuckin’.”
My body grew taut, and I snapped, “I am not.”
“Any day, any meet, the vote might not go my way, and we’re back in that.”
“The vote will always go your way,” I told him.
He shook his head. “No, babe, shit can happen, and that vote can swing.”
“It won’t.”
“Toots, it will. I swung it and it can swing right back.”
“You won’t let it and your boys won’t go there. Not unless you lead them there and you won’t do that.”
“You don’t understand the Club. Or maybe any Club.”
“No, but I know those men and I know you. When I walked into this building two months ago, I knew exactly who you were before I knew who you were. There are men and there are leaders of men. Your father was a leader and he taught you to be one too. I have not met another member of Aces who has what it takes to be a leader. You were able to take over this MC because you have what it takes to take over this MC. And your boys know that even better than me.”
“Toots—” he started, but I kept talking right over him.
“There might be conflict and the only thing that cuts through conflict is someone who isn’t conflicted. You know who you are, and you’ve always known who you were meant to be. You are not conflicted about your path or where you wanted to lead your Club. And others are drawn to a man with vision. Your members sense that and they’ll follow your vision.”
“Clara—”
I kept right on talking over him.
“Is that why Kristy and you split up? Because she liked the life that stuff could give her, and she knew you intended to cut it off?”
“Partially. Mostly it was that I didn’t used to have to work all that often, she had my attention when she wanted it, and I was around more often to take care of shit at home. And when I had to work, at the store, in the workshop, out on jobs, and I wasn’t home all the time, especially when it came to lookin’ after the kids so she couldn’t go off and do whatever it was she wanted to do, she wasn’t down with that.”
My eyes narrowed as I snapped, “What a bitch!”
“Babe—”
“So she was okay with the Club running drugs?”
“Can’t say I shared all the Club’s business with her, but she was okay drivin’ a Corvette to go meet her girls for lunch and then hitting the mall for a shopping spree. Bitch had so many clothes, I had to keep mine in Gear’s closet. What she was not okay with was me makin’ waves, not in the Club, not to her life. There was a spell, didn’t last long, but it was there, when money didn’t flow as steady as it had before. We had to tighten things up. She wasn’t a fan of that. She liked her life just as it was. Maybe, if some outside force had changed it, she would have learned how to deal. The fact that I had an active hand in changing it did not make her happy.”
“So she’s actually a weak, risk-fearing bitch that’s down with living it up on dirty money but who was not down with standing by her man not only as who he was, but who he wanted to be.”
Buck stared at me yet again.
This time, his lips twitched while he did it.
Then he said, “Somethin’ like that, yeah.”
“How on earth did you hook up with her anyway?” I snapped.
“Babe, she’s got a great ass,” he told me then added, “Or she did.”
I rolled my eyes then rolled them back to him to see he was full-on grinning. “Even so, a bitch is a bitch.”