Talon (Ashes & Embers 4)

"Yeah, I love your cooking, you know that. I'd rather be alone than in a restaurant anyway."

"Does it still count as a date?" she asks. "I don't want Lukas to be disappointed that you're not properly dating."

I grin at her. "I don't care. I just wanted an excuse to see you again."

I follow her into the small kitchen, and she starts to pull some dishes out of her cabinets and arrange them on the table. When I put my arms around her from behind, she freezes, and I lean my head against hers. "I can't just sit here and eat, Aze," I say softly, breathing in the scent of her. I used to love falling asleep with my head resting against hers, our feet touching under the covers. That was the best part of every day for me.

She wiggles out of my arms and turns to face me. "You can't just put your hands on me, Talon."

"I can't help it."

"I'm not even sure why you're here, to be honest."

"To eat?"

She crosses her arms, making her pissed-off face, which I've actually missed seeing. "I think this is just another one of our many mistakes in the making."

I step closer to her. "Don't say that."

She backs away from me. "I'm really not sure what to say. Part of me wants to tell you to fuck off and get out."

I nod slowly, taking that hit because I deserve it. "And what does the other part of you say?"

"I'm not telling you."

I lean back against her kitchen countertop. "You're not gonna make this easy on me, are you?"

"No, I'm not. Why should I? You left me in a building with a piece of paper outlining what you were willing to give me while you ran away. Then you refused to tell me what the hell I did to deserve that. So, no, I'm not gonna make this easy for you, Tal."

Damn, her fire hasn't extinguished at all. It's admirable, though; she shouldn't let anyone walk all over her. Not even me.

"You're right. I fucked up."

"At least we agree on that." She opens the fridge. "Do you still like Italian dressing on your salad?"

I grab her arm and tug her out of the refrigerator, sliding my hand down her arm to hold her hand. "Let's forget about dinner for now, okay?"

"You said you came here to eat," she says defensively.

She tries to pull her hand from mine, but I hold on to it. "That's bullshit and we both know it. I'm here because we need to talk."

Her eyes flash even more anger at me. "I tried to talk to you, remember? You changed your number. Ask me how that felt."

I can’t imagine how much that must have hurt her. If she had done that to me—just cut me off like that—I would have lost whatever was left of my wacked-out mind.

"That was an asshole move on my part. All the meds were really fucking with my brain. I did and said a lot of things that weren't me. You had to see that yourself."

"You're right. I could see you changing, and I should have tried to get you help sooner."

"It's not your fault. And you did get me help. That doctor you found helped me tremendously. Look at me now. I'm much better now because of you. Thank you for doing that, especially when I didn't deserve it."

"No one deserves to be sick, Tal. I just wish we could have gotten you help sooner, before our marriage and your career were destroyed."

"My career is fine now. I'm happy with what I'm doing. It's our marriage I want to fix."

She looks at me like I have ten heads. "How do we fix this? I haven't seen you, or heard from you, in months. You dumped me then disappeared. You took the only home I ever had away from me. You tore my heart out and threw it away. You can't fix that, Talon."

My heart and ear both start to pound at the same time, the whoosh sound heightening with my stress. I take a few deep breaths like the doctor taught me. "You could let me try to fix it, Asia. Our home is waiting for you. So am I."

Her jaw tightens and her bottom lip quivers. "Tell me why you did it. Tell me why you had to join the rest of the assholes in my life that abandoned me."

I lock eyes with her, remembering how angry I was that day. "Fine. I saw you with another guy. So did Finn. That's why I hit him. I thought he was being his usual asshole self, but then when I left the shop, I saw you with my own fucking eyes, and something in my head just snapped."

She yanks her hand out of mine and spins in a circle, holding her head. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. He was hugging you. And when I got home, I saw your journal on your desk, and you wrote how you never would have fucking married me if you had a choice. And how much I changed when I got sick. And how Danny kept trying to get you back. It was all pretty clear to me, Asia, that I still wasn't what you wanted. I wasn’t myself, Aze. I don’t know if it was from the medication, or just from going insane from the noise in my head, but that wasn’t me. I jumped to crazy conclusions. I let you go, and it fucking killed me."

"That was my brother, Talon."

"I know that now. My mom had our journals. Asher got ahold of yours after I told him what happened, and he realized I only read half your fucking entry for that day. I never saw the rest of it until Asher showed it to me recently."

"I don't believe this," she says, shaking her head. "All this time, I've been trying to figure out what I did wrong. And it's all been over a stupid page in a diary and you seeing me with another guy? Why didn't you just ask me who he was? All of this shit could have been avoided."

My shoulders drop with guilt. "I don't know. I got it in my head you wanted someone else. I was in a rage. Again, I wasn't thinking straight."

"You can say that again."

I reach for her again and she steps back away from me. "Asia, I'm sorry. I know it can never be enough, but I am sorry. I'd go back and undo it all if I could. I would do anything to change that day and leave that fucking office with you, finally go on our honeymoon, have a couple kids, and grow old together."

Tears start to fall down her face. "That was the plan, wasn't it?"

I trap her against the counter and put my arms on either side of her. I can't stand her constantly moving away from me. "That's still my plan. With you." I bend down and kiss the tears from her cheek.

"Tal…" Her hands go to my chest.

"Don't push me away," I say softly. "Let me comfort you, please? I hate that you're hurting."

"You're the one who hurt me."

"I know that. But I'm also the one who can make it better again."

She chokes on her words and turns her head, new tears falling down her cheeks. "You broke my heart." The words barely make it out over her sobs, and they tear my own heart to pieces. I hate myself for hurting her.

Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her against my chest. "I'm going to make it better. I promise."

She lets me hold her, her body hesitantly relaxing into mine. "I don't know if I can ever trust you again."

I rub my thumb along her collarbone, noting how much thinner she is now. "Then I'll spend the rest of my life earning your trust again."

She turns her head and our lips brush against each other. When she doesn't pull away, I kiss her again, softly and barely touching her, an unspoken plea for a tiny amount of forgiveness. I move my hand slowly up her neck to caress her cheek, and her lips part slightly as her hand clutches my shoulder, pulling me to her. Time seems to stop around us as we kiss, losing ourselves in each other again, our touches saying everything that isn't being said with words.

After a few minutes, she pulls away, breathing heavily. "I can't do this, Talon. I'm not ready for this."

I find her lips again and rest my head against hers. "I waited once before. I'll do it again. I'll wait forever."

Her hand moves to touch my chest, bared through the V of my shirt. "I can't forget everything that happened between us."

"I don't expect you to. I'm just asking for a chance." I bow my head to kiss her neck, rubbing my nose along her ear. "You still smell so good, like cookies." I move my lips to her ear and she shivers. "God, I miss you and your cupcakes…"

A laugh erupts from

her throat and she leans against my shoulder. "You and those damn cupcakes."

I pull away to look into her eyes, and she's still smiling. "What? I love your cupcakes."

"Do you know every time I was hoping you would finally say you love me, instead you asked for cupcakes?"

"I did?"

She nods and chews her lip. "You did."

"I didn't know that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It was funny after a while."

I kiss her again. "I love seeing you smile again. I’ve missed you so damn much."

She stares up into my eyes and pushes my hair behind my ear. "I miss you, too."

"I miss you more. Every day, every night. No matter what I'm doing, I'm thinking about you."

Her fingers move to the rings around my neck, twisting them around. "What are we going to do? We can't go back. We can't pretend it didn't happen. I can't do that."

"Can we start over? Make a new beginning? Last night was nice, just being us."

Doubt shadows her face. "Is that even possible? To just start over fresh?"

"I want to find out. Do you?"

She's quiet, mulling it around in her mind as she touches our wedding bands laying against my heart. Please say yes.

She sniffles and tilts her head up. "How would we do that? Start over?"

"I think I have some ideas." I kiss the tip of her nose. "I'll need you to trust me, just a little bit, to make this work. It will be fun, though. I promise."