“Hands back,” I growl. She puts her hands back and I clasp her wrists with my hand, holding them tight, my other hand gripping her hip, pulling her towards me to meet every thrust. “You feel so fucking good,” I praise, tilting the angle of her a bit so I can go deeper and press against her more sensitive spots.
She tightens around me as she simultaneously starts to moan and shudder, her breathing quick and shallow as she comes on my shaft. The delicious tightening and spurt of wetness almost makes me come on the spot when I realize I’m bareback inside her. No wonder it feels so good. Fuck me.
I pull out and shoot all over her back and hands, jetting across her spine. Leaning back against the couch, I catch my breath for a minute and then pull her up to her feet. “Come with me, doll.”
She follows me to the bathroom and watches me quietly as I run a bubble bath for her. My throat and heart clench when I realize I just poured Katie’s bubble soap into the tub to bathe a girl I just spanked, fucked, and came on.
“Um, did you just … without a …” she says while we wait for the tub to fill.
I test the water temp and turn to face her. Her blue eyes are wide and her skin has paled two shades.
“I did. But I pulled out. I’m sorry … I got so caught up I just forgot. I never do that, I swear.” I feel like a freakin’ amateur.
“I got the birth control shot after Nick died, to help reduce the bad cramps I get,” she says, looking at her toes. “But I’m kinda worried about where you’ve been.”
Well, shit. She doesn’t beat around the bush, now does she?
“I’m clean.” My voice is defensive.
She looks at me with narrow eyes, and I really don’t blame her. I picked her up in a cemetery and fucked her seven ways ’til Sunday. Several times. I’m sure I don’t exactly give off an impression of clean and crabless.
“You think I would do something to hurt you?” I ask her, turning off the water. I can feel the familiar anger building up inside me and I try to quench it down.
“Well, you did forget.”
“Yeah, I did, but if I had some kind of fucking disease I wouldn’t be touching you in the first place. I’m not that much of a douche.”
She eyes me some more, and I run my hands through my hair in frustration. “I swear to you, I’m clean.”
“Okay,” she finally says. “I believe you.”
“Good, now get in the tub before the water gets cold.” I help her in and she settles down under the bubbles. I’m assaulted by a flashback of Katie bathing here not too long ago. My heart clenches and the familiar pain in my chest makes itself known. Not now. Please. I grab a clean washcloth from the linen closet and sit on the floor, wishing this bathroom had a big Jacuzzi tub so I could fit in there comfortably with her.
“Can I ask you something?” she says, idly playing with the bubbles.
“The answer to that will always be yes.”
She gives me a cute sideways smile and blows the bubbles towards my face. “This is part of it? Bathing?”
I nod and slowly glide the washcloth over her body under the water. “Yes, it’s referred to as after-care sometimes. It’s to soothe you, relax muscles that may be sore after using restraints, to clean you, of course, and to show you that I care about you and want you to feel safe and taken care of. And it helps to bring us closer, because it’s intimate.”
“Have you had other girls like me here?”
“Actually, no. I’ve never had any girls here. I don’t live here full-time; I only stay here sometimes.”
I follow her eyes to the pink bottle of bubble bath with the smiling kitten on it. Shit.
“Then why do you have that? You really don’t look like the type who would be taking pink bubble baths. No offense.”
I take a deep breath and rub her back with the cloth in slow circles. “It was my daughter’s.”
I did not want to go down this road. Not now. Maybe not ever. I cannot lie to her about this, though. Not when I’m trying to gain her trust and submission. I can’t have her doubting me about diseases and bubble baths and thinking I am either a pervert or feeding her lies.
“You have a daughter?” She sits up a little in surprise and turns to face me.
“She’s gone.” That’s all I can manage to say. I cannot verbalize anything else about it. I haven’t had to say the words before now because everyone I know knew Katie died. To actually say it, to say she is dead with my own mouth, is sickening to me. I never want to hear my voice say those words again.
Tabi looks both shocked and upset, her eyes softening and watery. She grabs at my hand under the water. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Is that why you were there? When we met?”
I nod and slip my fingers between hers. I always want to be touching her in some way, maybe because I’m afraid she’s going to just disappear.
“How old was she?”
No. I can’t say it. I shake my head.
“Recently?” she coaxes.
“This year.”
She stares at the bottle of bubble bath, unblinking, and shivers.
“Help me out?” she asks, rising from the tub.
I wrap her up in a big towel, but the mood has completely changed. “Are you all right?” she asks. “Maybe you should put on some pants and we can talk?”
I have no idea what one thing has to do with the other, but I go to the living room to put my shorts back on and flop on the couch on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Fuck. One good day. That’s all I want. One day without pain eating through my heart. That’s what I want for her too. Why is that so fucking hard?
She sits on the couch next to me, trying to read my face, with the towel still wrapped around her thin frame.
“Can I get you anything?” she asks. “You don’t look too good right now. You’ve gone pale.”
I bark out a short, sarcastic laugh. “A lot of alcohol would be great. Can you lift the ban?”
“Absolutely not.” She lays her hand on my chest, over my heart, and traces my ink. “Do you want to talk about her?”
I throw my arm over my face to cover my eyes. “No. Never.”
Tabitha
After he told me about his daughter last night, he succumbed to what appeared to be an emotional stress migraine and shut down. At least, that’s what I call them when I get them, and I get them a lot. It’s kinda like a brain overload. His grief has also dragged him into a very dark place, and for some reason I just didn’t expect that in him, or for it to affect him so deeply. I felt such an intense need to console him but I was at a loss as to how. I know from experience that you really can’t console a person in grief. Words are useless space fillers. He is so incredibly closed up, and I have no clue how to get in other than to give him what he seems to want so badly; my submission.
I sat with him on the couch for hours with Sterling in my lap, unable to sleep myself but comforted by both of them sleeping near. I quietly left not long after midnight and slept alone in his bed.
He’s not on the couch this morning, though, or anywhere in the house from what I can see, and for a moment I panic, thinking he left me here. But then I see him outside, sitting on the dock, playing a guitar. I slide the glass doors open and walk across the woodsy yard. The music he’s playing is beautiful and haunting, the kind of sound that goes straight through you and awakens your emotions and gives you chills. It’s the kind of music that I would play on repeat over and over and over again until it was impossible to unhear it.
My heart skips a beat as my eyes rove over him from behind. He’s shirtless, his wide, muscled shoulders flexing as he plays the strings, his long black hair hanging down to the middle of his spine, covering the tattoos that adorn his entire back. His head is tilted down slightly as he plays. I sit next to him and just watch him, his fingers gliding effortlessly over the strings, the song drifting over the lake. He is such an enigma, this rock-hard man with the bad attitude creating this ethereal, soul-touching sound.
When he fini
shes the song, he opens his eyes very slowly and meets mine.
“That was incredible,” I say in awe. “I didn’t know you played the guitar.”
He puts the instrument off to the side. “That’s an acoustic bass.” He gives me a crooked cocky grin.
“Well, I know nothing about musical instruments, but whatever it is, I seriously have no words for how beautiful that was. It was just … wow. Seriously.”
“Thanks. Music is a big part of my life. If you want to hear beautiful, you should hear Lukas play the violin.”
“The violin? Really? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone play the violin in person.”
“He fuckin’ rocks it. He can play metal songs on it too. It’s pretty wild.”
“I hope I get to hear him play someday. Maybe you could play some more for me?”
He cracks his neck to the side with an audible pop. “Yeah. Maybe later.”
“Do you feel better? Your headache, I mean.”
“I do. How do you feel? Are you sore?”
“Sore?” I’m not sure what he’s asking me.