Asher (Ashes & Embers 6)

“Sometimes it seems like the cracks are the size of the Grand freakin’ Canyon.”

She laughs. “Trust me, darling. Things will get better. Haven’t I always taught you to focus on the positive? Has it ever failed you?”

I lean back in my chair and grin at her. I love how she’s always right. “Nope. I’m tryin’, Gram. It’s what keeps me going. She’s had a couple memory flashes, and that stuff’s amazing. That’s what I’m holding on to.”

Her eyes light up. “See? That’s a great sign. If some memories are coming, then I’d assume that the rest must be on their way too.”

“I hope so. I miss her like crazy. I hate myself for saying that because she’s here. She’s so lost and scared. Last night she told me she’s starting to have feelings for me, and seriously, nothing in the world could make me happier. That’s all I want.”

She grabs my hand and squeezes. “I miss her too. But that’s wonderful. You two are like magnets. You always pull to each other.”

“It’s just weird because it’s kinda like dating someone new, and I feel guilty one minute and excited the next and just so… twisted up inside.”

Face it. You’re a mess, Valentine.

“It’s an extraordinary situation. Ember’s basically come back from the dead. She’s reborn. But that doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love again. She just needs time.”

“I’m worried about her. I’d do anything to take all this confusion and fear away from her. For me, the love and the commitment is already there, but for her it’s not. The person she is right now didn’t make these choices or commitments. I mean…we’re legally married, but let’s be honest—she’s not physically or emotionally married to me. And that scares the hell out of me.”

Gram’s mouth curves to a slight frown. “Marriage is a word. A piece of paper. It’s what’s in your hearts and how you treat each other that matters. I know it’s hard to hear, but your relationship has reset. You’re back at the beginning.”

My chest constricts like a vise. As hard as it is to accept, I know Gram is right.

“I’m afraid she’s going to leave.” The words burn on my tongue like poison. “She feels like I’m in love with another woman. I’ve never loved anyone but her, and now that love is pushing her away because she doesn’t think I love her. My head is so fucked up over this. I just want to make everything right for us, and I have no damn idea how.” Sighing, I push my hair out of my face and meet my gram’s pale eyes.

“You do know how. You do what you’ve always done—you love her, unconditionally. You give her patience. You be yourself. You let her be her. You give her every part of yourself. Just like you always have. I believe you’ll find each other again.”

I fiddle with my fork, turning it in my fingers, my brain churning all this advice, and nod in silent agreement. She waits until I look at her again before she continues.

“Asher, honey, I think you need to forget the past for a while. Focus on what you have now. If you keep looking behind you, you’re not going to see what—or who—is in front of you.”

Emotions well up into my throat, and I stand and walk around the table to pull this woman I love so much into a gentle hug.

“Thank you,” I whisper into her soft, silver hair.

She reaches up and pats my cheek. “You’re both going to be okay,” she says. “Trust me.”

I wish I could take Gram home with me because she always, always, makes everything better.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Asher’s gone for the day to visit his gram, and Sarah’s in her room watching the soaps. It’s her afternoon off, and I have a feeling she stayed in rather than go shopping or visit her family so I wouldn’t be left in the house alone. I’m not sure if that’s her own doing or if Asher asked her to stay, but I don’t like feeling like I need to be babysat. I’m getting stronger mentally and physically every day.

Sighing, I snuggle up on my favorite couch with the first of the journals that I’m still reading through. I’m determined to get to know the girl I used to be and form a past for myself in my mind rather than this big tunnel of blackness.

Dear Diary,

I’ve never been so happy. Asher is so amazing. I—

Blah blah blah. Asher. Asher. Asher.

I flip forward a few pages.

Dear Diary,

I got a part-time job three days a week after school. At a pet shop! I love it! I want to bring ALL the animals home, though. They’re all so cute! Teddy would freak out if I got a puppy but I’d love a kitten or a bunny. Dad said I can only have a goldfish. Seriously, a goldfish! So lame. Asher meets me after I get off work and walks me home. I miss him so much while I’m at work.