My parents didn’t come or even call, but Katherine came. She’s going to be the baby’s godmother, and Toren is going to be the godfather. I think Asher’s brother, Storm, is upset about that. The baby is a LOT of work. It’s nonstop and nothing like the bag of sugar they made us carry around for a week in school as part of a parenting project. I’m exhausted. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to focus at school or sing or practice guitar or spend time with Asher or even sleep.
Aria keeps telling me it’ll just all work out and everything will be perfect. I hope she’s right. We’re taking it one day at a time and doing our best. Oh, God, I just re-read this and I sound like such a whiner. I love the baby, I don’t regret her at all. I’m just tired. Asher totally LOVES Kenzi. I’m almost a little jealous. Just kidding! He helps feed her and change her and bathe her. He’s a great daddy. Seeing him hold her, and sleeping with her on his chest, is one of the most attractive things I’ve ever seen. I hope that’s not weird to say. I actually feel like the baby has made us fall in love even more.
Ash and I take care of each other, we take turns taking care of the baby and we make sure we each get to sleep and his mom and gram insist that we let them take care of the baby a few nights a week so Asher and I have time alone. Kenzi has made everything a new level of REAL. Like this tiny little human is a part of us, an extension of us and our love. It’s too powerful for words. I love them both so much. I have my own little family now.
Wow. We really did it—we had a baby while we were in high school. It’s crazy to even think about, but after seeing Kenzi and Tor with their baby earlier today, I can understand the bond and the love a baby can create.
Watching Asher with the baby brewed up a whole bunch of new feelings inside me I didn’t think I’d ever have. Like maybe wanting a baby someday. And thinking how attractive he looked—all hunky and badass cradling a tiny infant in a little pink onesie. I wonder if I felt that way when we were young? Did I feel all tingly watching him with baby Kenzi? I’m sure I did.
It’s still totally bizarre for me to think that Kenzi is my daughter, and Tia is my granddaughter. I don’t feel old enough for one thing, but I also don’t feel any kind of real familial bond to them. I wish I did. I want to be normal and belong and be part of a family like everyone else. Even though technically I am part of the family, I still feel like a strange outsider most of the time. Tonight definitely was the best time I’ve had with them, so hopefully that’s a good sign.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower. You want to play a game with me after? I need to redeem myself after you kicked my ass in Scrabble the other night.”
He’s come upstairs from the workout room and is taking up the doorway of my bedroom, shirtless, wearing a pair of black sweat shorts.
I blink at him, unable to speak for no reason other than I’ve never seen him shirtless before, and he’s visually overwhelming. Wavy hair clings to his sweaty, muscular shoulders. Shades of black and gray imagery cover almost every inch of his arms, hands, neck, legs, and torso. There’s no doubt his entire back is also covered in ink.
The image of a decayed skull spanning his lower chest and abs stares back at me—its black, sunken eye sockets and rotten teeth eerily realistic.
“Em?”
I shake my head. “Sorry…I was distracted by the face of death in the middle of your body.”
And that chiseled six-pack it lives on.
He laughs and leans against the doorframe. “You don’t like it?”
“It’s a bit scary. It looks 3D.”
“That’s called talent. This one alone took hours for my guy to do.”
I have a few small tattoos that I found on my legs the first time I showered. Which, of course, I don’t remember getting.
“Didn’t that hurt?” I ask.
“Physical pain doesn’t really bother me.”
Nodding, I lock the journal and put it and the key back on my nightstand.
“It’s not a representation of death, by the way. For me, it’s symbolic of everything inside me screaming to get out. How I felt like my soul was dying.”
Remorse lowers his tone and throws a shade of somber darkness over his eyes.
“I don’t think you deserve to feel that way.”
“Most people don’t deserve the demons they live with. It’s life, unfortunately.”