I don’t know if I can go through this again.
I’m tempted to jump on my motorcycle and follow her. Catch her at a red light and beg her to come home. Kiss her until she realizes we’re so close to getting there—that we can get through this together.
I can’t do that, though. No matter how gutted I am that she chose to leave and put space between us. She has to come back on her own, when she’s ready.
And I need time to think too.
It’s the only way we’ll both know where to go from here.
As I go back inside the house to face the empty rooms, my feet feel as if they’re encased in concrete. I don’t want to be here without her, not even for an hour, let alone a few days or weeks. When I reach the door to my studio—the only place in the house I can bear being in right now—I suddenly remember something, and I can’t stop the grin that spreads across my face. I shake my head a little.
It may have been years ago, but I remember the day as if it were yesterday, when she said those exact same words to me just as she said them before driving away.
She still loves me.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Visiting Maine has been nice, and spending time with my sister has been even nicer. Asher was right when he told me Katherine’s beachside inn was beautiful and peaceful. Inspired by the view, and needing to keep my mind busy, I worked on a few new paintings from her porch. I beamed when my sister asked if she could have the paintings to display in the reception area.
Katherine has gradually coaxed me to walk on the beach with her, with Teddy in tow with his favorite ball. Each day we walked a little bit closer to the water, but I refused to let it wash up over my bare feet.
Maybe I can work on that and eventually get to a point where the water doesn’t make my heart pound wildly with such terror that I can barely breathe. Hopefully, someday, Asher and I will come here together, and I can dip my toes in the water with him by my side. I have a feeling doing it together would be good for him too.
“You don’t have to leave, you know,” Katherine says from the doorway of the guest room I’ve been staying in. “You can stay as long as you want.”
I like this room with its rich, Victorian decor and windows overlooking the beach. Katherine told me it’s the same room Kenzi always slept in when she stayed here. Now that I’ve spent time at the inn and gotten to know Katherine even better, I’m grateful Kenzi was able to spend so much time here growing up.
I’ve enjoyed my visit this past week, but it’s not home. That’s what I was hoping to feel—the pull to go back to my husband and my own house. I’ve felt it every moment since I drove away.
“I know.” I smile when she squeezes my shoulder before she sits on the bed next to the suitcase I’m packing, which has more clothes in it now than I came with. “I love it here, and it’s very tempting to stay and eat your amazing breakfast every morning. But I think it’s time for me to go home and figure things out.”
She crosses her legs and nods. “I agree, and I’m proud of you. You can come back anytime you want, for as long as you want. Alone or with Asher.” She pets Teddy, who’s planted himself at her feet. “I’m glad you trusted me enough to come here, Ember. It means a lot to me that we’re rebuilding our relationship.”
“Me too.” It’s the truth. I still don’t have any memories of Katherine, but it’s been easy and natural to ease into a relationship with her. I can honestly say, I feel a sisterly bond with her.
“Do you know what you’re going to do when you get back home?”
Shutting the overstuffed suitcase, I chew my lip, knowing exactly what she’s alluding to. I’ll be driving back home tomorrow, and although Asher and I have talked on the phone every day, we’ve kept the conversations light, avoiding the elephant we left in our bedroom.
“No,” I reply. “Not yet. But I have some ideas.”
“Remember what we talked about. You have choices. I love Asher, he’s family, and I know how much he loves you. But you’re the priority. You can do anything you want with your life. You can be the person you want to be. You have to be able to look in the mirror every day and be happy with who you see, and the people you’re close to should be happy with that person too.”