I think back to the day Asher brought this dog home as a surprise to cheer me up. I’m sure he was hoping the dog would comfort me—maybe bring back memories. Asher never said he was Teddy, but I instantly assumed he was.
I did remember him—all on my own—the moment I saw the happy, golden dog. There was no doubt in my mind he was Teddy.
I didn’t remember that he’d passed away, though.
Nor did I realize how much time had gone by and that Teddy couldn’t possibly still be alive.
I wonder what that means as far as my memory?
Quickly, I push that thought away. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I remembered.
My memories are there.
Asher’s plan may have worked a little too good, but he let me believe this dog was my Teddy. Not to deceive me, but to let me have, and enjoy, the memory. To let me have my beloved dog again when I needed him, rather than telling me the real Teddy was gone.
That would’ve been devastating.
Lowering my face, I kiss the dog on the top of the head. He may not be the first Teddy, but he’s given me hope and memories in a gentle way, and I’m grateful Asher knew this was exactly what I needed.
Chapter Forty-Six
I find Tor sitting outside at a picnic table in a grassy area a few hundred feet away from the tour bus.
“So…” I sit on the bench across from him and put two beers on the table. “We got three shows left. Then we go home.” I pop the top off my beer. “What’d ya think?”
Taking a deep breath, he stares off at the dimming skyline, then shifts his gaze to me. “It’s been a rush. Playin’ on stage with you guys. The music. The crazy excitement of the crowd. I fuckin’ love all that.” He lifts his beer to his mouth and takes a long sip. “But being on the road all damn day and night, being away from Kenzi and the baby, dealing with the grabby chicks, the claustrophobia on the bus… fuck all that. I could never do this shit all the time.”
“Not even to live your dream? Make millions? Travel? Play on stages all over the world?”
He shakes his head and scoffs. “Those were my dreams when I was twenty. Back then, I would’ve fuckin’ loved all this. But now? My dreams are with Kenzi and Tia.”
Right answer.
“I wish I could call you a wuss.”
He leans back and laughs.
I continue. “But as the father of your wife—and thank you again for making shit weird between us—I totally respect what you’re saying.”
“I don’t regret the past few weeks. I’ve always wondered what it woulda been like if I hadn’t left the band way back then. Now I got a taste of it, and it was killer. So, thanks for giving me that.”
I lean my elbows on the table. “I gotta say, you impressed me. The way you were able to just pick up the guitar again and play like you never stopped. Would you do it again?”
He cups his hands around his beer can and cocks his head toward the bus. “Like this? A short tour of small venues? Yeah, I might do it again if you asked. But not more than that. I’d lose my damn mind. And probably my wife.”
“It ain’t easy. It takes a toll.”
“I don’t envy you, bro. I used to. But I don’t know how the hell you’re gonna keep doing this and put your marriage back together.”
Me either. It’s been on my mind nonstop for weeks. My heart’s not with the band anymore—not like it used to be. My heart’s back in New Hampshire.
The tables have turned. Now, I envy him and the life he has.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “It was different when me and Ember got into this together. We both wanted it and understood the sacrifices and the chaos, and it was working.” Until she told me it wasn’t anymore. “But now… She didn’t sign up for this. I’m not sure what she wants.”
“And what about you? You finally got your wife back. You really want to risk losing her again?”
His words are like a fist rammed into my chest.
The memory of Ember’s terrified face as she dangled from my arm over the cliff flashes before my eyes.
Right after she told me she didn’t want to live like this anymore. She wanted more of us. More of me.
Does she still feel that way?
Tor leans forward. “I know what you’re thinking, Ash. That wasn’t your fault. But I’d bet money she still doesn’t want this lifestyle.”
“I know Ember didn’t send me off on tour because she was trying to be a supportive wife. She wanted space. For what, I don’t fucking know, but she definitely had an ulterior motive. Which is fine. I’ll let her have that, but we still have a lot to figure out.”