The Wives

"Do you want out, is that it?"

Her eyes flew wide and she approached the desk, I guess she was recalling me telling her yesterday she could leave.

"No, no I don't, I just feel like I've lost all control all say in our lives, when it was just us...."

"It hasn't been just us for a long time babe." I knew better than to entertain that train of thought no fucking way.

"I know, I miss that, I don't hate Marcy and Anna or anything like that, I love our life I do, it's just sometimes it gets to be too much and I need you to understand when that happens."

I studied her trying to see where her head was at, that last bit was her the rest hadn't been. I understood needing reassurance, whether I had three wives or just one, women always seemed to be in need of reassurance, they needed to feel special, that's why we had one on one time. Though we didn't operate on a time schedule they each let me know what they needed from me and I made sure I gave it, if there was any overlap I usually let them work that shit out amongst themselves because again I didn't want it to seem like I was choosing favorites or some shit, women could find hidden meanings in every damn thing. Unless of course one situation was more serious than the other then I obviously went with the emergency first.

"Do you think I stopped loving you when I married Marcy?"

She held her head down and rung her hands, we'd been here before too and if I didn't find a way we'd be here again and again. I didn't have a yardstick to go by, none of my friends lived this way and very few of them even knew about my life and that was solely because of necessity. The few who knew that gave a shit would ask me questions like how the fuck do you deal with three when I can barely handle one? They'd even made reference to the fact that I was crazy but none of the ones I'd shared with had judged. My younger friends in that equation couldn't get past the sexual aspects of the arrangement; they pretty much thought we were just constantly fucking all day everyday. Assholes.

"I don't think you stopped, you just shared what had been all mine up until then."

"Have I ever lied to you Jan? Did I not lay his shit out before I even touched you?"

"Yes but..."

"But what, you thought I'd change my mind? I told you when I was in my early twenties that this was the life I wanted to lead, I told you you could walk if this was something you didn't think you could handle."

"Brad I was in love with you of course I would've agreed to anything, I wanted to be with you, to have some part of you even if I couldn't have all."

"So what you lied?"

I can't believe this shit, she does this now, after three fucking kids and a family together a life we've built through blood sweat and tears? What the fuck is the penalty for murder in this state again?

"It's not so much that I lied Brad it's just that saying yes to something when it's not a reality is completely different to living that reality."

"Okay, I've heard you, I obviously can't give you what you want, I'm not getting rid of my wives and kids just because you've got cold feet, because you said yes when you meant no." I think I actually hated her in that moment, not because of her fears, but because she'd waited this long, why hadn't she said anything years ago, before the kids, before we'd invested so much into who we are? This was fucked, I had no worries about her leaving with my kids, if she decided not to stay she'd be leaving on her own, no one was taking my kids from me ever...I hoped like fuck she wasn’t heading down that road though because she’s mine, my wife the mother of my children, I can’t see not having her here, I can’t see not having any of them, fuck.

"I'm not asking that Brad." She finally broke the silence softly and my heart started beating normally again.

"Then what are you asking?"

"I don't know I just need time to think."

"Time to think about what? You've been doing this shit for three years it's cut and dry either you're in or you're out."

"I don't want out, it's not that, I just..."

"Tell me about the bracelet Janine." Since that seemed to be the catalyst for her fucking breakdown I figured we should stop beating a dead fucking horse and get to the heart of the matter.

"Oh that, well. Anna was going on and on about the bracelet and how much it cost and how gorgeous it was and it just rubbed me the wrong way that's all."