For the next week we were in heavy mourning, both of us going through the paces and trying to keep it together.
The funeral was the most horrible thing I’d ever gone through, even more so than my mom’s because I didn’t only feel my pain, but his. He was broken and it showed in his eyes.
At night I’d stand outside his bedroom door and listen to him cry while tears of grief ran down my face, wishing I knew what to do for him to take the pain away.
3
Dakota
I thought daddy was going to go crazy. For weeks he was silent, not hardly saying anything.
And at night when I’d go to check on him he’d be drinking. The only time he showed life was when he thought I needed him.
Once I realized that that was the only way to get through to him, I let him know that I needed him at every turn. It wasn’t a complete lie I did need him. My world was once again uncertain.
Natalia had been more of a mother to me in the last year than my own had been in the sixteen years I’d known her.
She was more like a big sister than a mom, but she had filled a void in my life at a time when I needed it.
Because of her I knew so much more about myself, like my beauty, which she taught me, was something to be cherished and not hidden away like something to be ashamed of.
She’d tried in vain to get me to show my body in more appropriate clothes but that never worked. Most of those designer clothes still hung in the closet while I preferred Evan’s old tee shirts and sweats.
Natalia had teased and told me that I’d grow out of it soon, that one day I’d want nothing but the feel of silk against my skin and heels that made my calves look sexy.
She was so free with her compliments with no hint of jealousy, that for the first time I learned that not all women were jealous bitches and some could be trusted.
We were like best friends her and I and Evan was the man who spoiled us both. There was never a time that he made me feel left out. Whenever he’d buy Natalia something, he’d make sure that I got something also. Once I told him that he didn’t need to. I didn’t want Natalia to get upset but I didn’t say that out loud.
His answer had been that I was the only daughter he was ever likely to have and it was his job to spoil me.
Natalia had laid my fears to rest, assuring me that she liked that he was so attentive with me and liked spending time with me. She truly was an angel, and I’d been lucky to have her even for the short while that I did.
And now she was gone and that void had opened back up again. I was seventeen and a half when she died and had been doing very well. I’d put off graduating early just so I could have more time with them.
Even though they’d assured me that I would always have a place in their lives, I didn’t trust that things wouldn’t change if I went away. Now I was glad that I’d stayed because Evan needed me. Each day I saw him slipping farther and farther away and it was getting harder and harder to come up with things that I needed him for.
It took months to get him out of his funk and once again, it was only because of me. He kept going on and on about the plans Natalia had had for my eighteenth birthday and how we had to make them happen.
He wanted to throw a party for me and all my new friends of which they were many now. After I’d changed schools for the new private school they’d enrolled me in, I was suddenly covered in friends.
My birthday was still a few months away so at least I knew he’d be too preoccupied with that to go back into the doldrums.
Things were going well, we’d made it past the first anniversary of her death by spending the whole day together. I’d taken off from school and made him stay home from work.
We’d gone to her grave and taken new flowers and sat with her for a while before going home to cry in each other’s arms on the couch until dark. After that day it was as if a change came over him.
He started staying out late and though he wasn’t inattentive, it was obvious there was something going on with him. Her name was Ashley and I met her when he took us both to dinner to introduce us.
I hated her on sight. She was nothing like Natalia. Her bleach blonde hair and fake smile made my skin go cold.