As she continues talking, I clench my jaw so hard that I’m surprised I don’t snap a few of my teeth in half.
“PJ thinks it’s great that you and Beast are getting closer and that you’re getting some experience with a man, but you told me yourself that you guys still haven’t done the deed. I know you were firmly against using him for sex to get that kind of experience, and I think it’s wonderful that you’re learning more about him and going about this the right way, but I just think you need to be able to understand how to really turn an audience on and make them want more. I know stripping isn’t about sex, but having that experience definitely helps when it comes to taking your clothes off and turning people on,” she explains softly.
“First of all, it’s not my fault I haven’t gotten the full experience of having him put his P in my V, he keeps turning me down!” I shout a little too loudly, watching Mrs. Potter’s eyes widen in shock and a few library patrons look over at me. “And second, did you seriously tell PJ everything I told you in confidence about what we’ve been doing these last few weeks?!”
“He’s my boyfriend, and we’re in love!” Cindy argues. “We tell each other everything.”
“You tell each other everything about your own lives! Leave my V out of it!”
“See? That right there tells me you still aren’t ready. You can’t even say the word vagina,” Cindy complains.
“I can say the word. I just don’t want to,” I tell her petulantly.
“Vagina, vagina, vagina!” Mrs. Potter chants in a whisper, clapping her hands together excitedly.
I ignore her, growing more and more irritated with my friend.
“I need this, Cindy. You of all people should know how important this is for me. And it’s not just about the fact that I need to start making more money. I need to take charge of my own life. I need to make my own decisions, and I can’t keep standing still, not moving forward anymore. It’s killing me,” I tell her, trying not to cry.
“Honey, I know, believe me. Just give it a little more time and you’ll get there. Do you really want to get up on that stage, in front of hundreds of people, and not dance to the absolute best of your ability? It will completely kill your confidence and the progress you’ve already made towards reaching your goal.”
I don’t say another word when she tells me she has to go and that we’ll get together tomorrow for some more dance practice and so she can give me some sexy tips about what I can do to push Vincent over the edge, so he has no choice but to finally give in.
As I hang up the phone with a sigh, Mrs. Potter looks at me expectantly.
“It was a no from her,” I complain, setting my phone down on the counter.
“So?”
“So that means I’m not stripping any time soon, which means I’ll never get the money I need in time to save this place—and I have to continue doing what everyone else wants me to do instead of what I want to do.”
“Well, what do you want to do?” Mrs. Potter asks.
“I want to get up on that damn stage and show everyone that I can do it!”
“Then what the hell are you waiting for? In the last few months, I have watched you go from a shy, quiet bookworm who never argued with a single soul, to a strong, confident young woman who doesn’t take crap from anyone. So, why are you taking crap from these people? You want to take charge of your own life? Then do it!”
My misery from moments ago at being shut down by yet another person in my life quickly changes to excitement at Mrs. Potter’s words. She’s right. If I want people to stop telling me how to live my life, I need to put my foot down. I need to stop letting them tell me what to do.
“Mrs. Potter, grab your keys. Since hardly anyone is here right now, we’re closing this place down and taking a long lunch.”
Faster than I’ve ever seen the older woman move, she ushers the small handful of patrons out the door. Once everyone is gone, we grab our things and hang a sign on the outside of the door that says we’ll be back in one hour, locking it behind us as we go.
* * *
Fifteen minutes later, I throw open Cindy’s front door without bothering to ring the doorbell or announce my presence. I storm into the kitchen and find Cindy typing away on her laptop at the kitchen counter, and PJ standing by the kitchen table, looking at something on his phone.