I knew they were sexual in nature these new feelings, but I had no direction, no reason as to why they had intensified so strongly out of the blue.
I couldn’t find anything different about myself, other than the move anyway. I couldn’t quite parlay that into a reason for me to suddenly be plagued with the hormones of a twelve- year old boy.
The schoolyard was a lot more than I’d expected. I have to admit to not holding out too much hope for the small town school; it was one of the only drawbacks to my making the move.
I’d become very scholastically motivated in the last couple of years. Having a mother who shuffled from place to place every few months, with no sense of stability and never knowing what was coming next, helped me to see how much a formal education was needed, if I ever wanted to change my circumstances.
That was one of the reasons I’d started rebelling against mom there at the end, I’d been tired of skipping class and losing ground each time I had to pick up stakes.
Not that I ever saw myself living the high life, and dad did seem to be doing very well for himself as the police chief.
But I wanted more, dreamed of more. The more that would take me to far off places maybe, that’s always been a dream of mine.
It was strange that I never considered the moving around I did with my mother in my formative years, travelling.
I saw it more as a frightening experience, never quite sure where I’d end up from one day to the next.
It was never an easy thing for a young child I don’t think, to be awakened in the dead of night in a hurried rush, and the next minute to be rushing along a highway in some out of the way place to the next dead end place of abode.
I took a deep breath and pushed the depressing thoughts aside. I wasn’t going to look back anymore; starting today I was only going to look forward with hope. It was a new feel for me, but one I couldn’t wait to experience farther.
There were kids milling about. Some guys were throwing a football back and forth on the grass, a group of girls were talking animatedly with lots of hand gestures involved, and yet more kids were around the side of the building smoking.
They looked like your average high school kids, not some weird group of corn fed overgrown louts in overalls and girls in gunnysacks with golden pony tails down their backs.
It’s what I’d half expected from mom’s description of the place, when she’d been doing her best to prevent me from coming here.
According to her, her hometown was a backward hick town with nothing much going for it except the exit sign at the edge of town.
We’ll see, it was now or never I suppose. This next year I’d have to buckle down and make my mark on the education front if I wanted to achieve half of what I wanted to in life.
Thank heavens I’d been smart enough and recognized the signs of mom’s angst when I’d turned thirteen. It was the only reason I was able to salvage my manuscripts from the many schools I’d been in and out of since then.
I would talk her into getting my paperwork before we picked up and left like thieves in the night again. Now I had a record of my abilities that followed me everywhere. Something mom seemed to not want, but had given into when I insisted forcefully.
‘Okay Jazz this is it, don’t be a total and complete dweeb on your first day, and maybe you’ll make some friends.’
My little pep talk served to give me the added boost I needed to get myself out the door.
Shoving my Jansport higher on my arm, I fortified myself with a deep breath and squared my shoulders, before stepping forward into my future, for the next year at least.
I felt a strange sensation as soon as my feet touched the ground. It was almost a replica of the feeling I’d had getting off the plane, only somehow more intense.
I looked around suspiciously, not sure of what I was searching for exactly, but there was something in the air here. Not entirely unpleasant, but a little unnerving I guess.
Like eyes peering at me from a hidden place. I felt the shiver go down my spine and brushed off my fanciful feelings as nerves.
There was nothing to fear here, this was my chance for a new beginning I could feel it.
I felt some of my angst fall away as I moved one foot in front of the other. I just had to get through the first day jitters and I‘ll be good to go.