It was too much, and when he held my head back, and sucked the flesh of my neck between his teeth, I lost consciousness.
Sunday morning I woke to the ringing phone, after a restless night of tossing and turning from disturbing dreams.
Dreams in which, the deep green of a jaguar’s eyes followed me on a dark deserted road that seemed to have no end.
I felt him and searched the room with sleepy eyes, already knowing he wouldn’t be there. With a heavy heart and a permeating sadness, I answered the phone.
“Hello.”
“Hello Jazz how are you?”
“Mom?” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice. No matter how much she ticked me off no end, or how her immaturity, and less than wise decision-making had messed up my young life, I loved my mom.
When she was being a mom, which in all honesty was rare and almost nonexistent, she was the neatest person in the world.
“What’s doing baby, you settling in, making new friends okay?”
“Yes mom stop worrying, everything’s fine.”
“It’s a mother’s prerogative to worry honey, now tell me what’s been going on?”
I told her about settling in and having yet to go around the town on an exploration as yet, to which she made me swear an oath that I wouldn’t go anywhere out of the way on my own.
I got quiet during her little meltdown and the stillness from my end stopped her in her tracks.
I could feel her trying to pull it together and I felt bad for her; that this was all she knew.
I wish someone would tell me what had happened to my mom to make her this way, but there was no one to ask.
I had no real family to speak of, and dad was as apt to tell me what I needed to know as she was, which was not at all. That’s if he even knew, sometimes I got the feeling that he was as in the dark as I was.
“I’m so sorry Jazz.”
“Mom...”
“No Jazz let me just say this okay; I never stopped to think, not once what this lifestyle was doing to you.
I just always thought you enjoyed it you know, the new places, and new experiences, kinda like a fantasy world.
I mean how many kids can boast that they’ve lived in almost all of the Continental United states huh?”
She laughed it off but I could hear the regret in her voice; regret and something else, what that was I couldn’t say.
“It’s okay mommy, I learned a lot ya know, I just needed to stop for a while, put all that knowledge to good use.”
“You always were the smartest, the brightest the most beautiful child ever.”
“Yeah right mom.” She could still make me laugh.
“So tell me, any new friends maybe a boyfriend?”
I blushed at her words as his face flashed into my head.
“Wellll, I did meet someone.”
“Ooh, do tell, is he handsome, I bet he is. What is he like? Is he one of those smart book types? Somehow I always pictured you with that type.”
Hah, if only. “Mom slow down, I don’t know any of those things.” Come to think of it I didn’t, and wasn’t that strange? I didn’t even know what classes he took, nothing.
I got that lonely feeling again and soon pushed it aside so I could concentrate. If mom senses one hint of sadness in my voice she’d start her campaign to get me to come back again.
“What’s wrong baby, this boy not returning your affections, you need me to come out there and kick him in the shins?”
I giggle snorted at the picture that formed in my head.
“Thanks mom you’re the best, but no.” Then I told her a little bit about my meeting with him. Of course I left out the strangest of the occurrences, no sense in both of us being spooked.
I didn’t tell her his name either for some strange reason, though I convinced myself that it was easier that way, just in case nothing ever came of us.
I did tell her that I felt out of my depth though, and hadn’t the slightest clue how to hold the attention of a boy like him.
Her sage advice was to wear lipstick and a short skirt, typical Anna. Then the conversation took a turn for the weird.
“Um nothing else has happened right, like no one’s been giving you a hard time or anything?” I could imagine her biting into her fingers the way I used to. Her voice had changed from the upbeat tone of a few minutes ago to one of worry.
“Who would bother me mom? Stop worrying I’m almost eighteen remember? I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can baby I just...never mind about that now, I’m sure your father won’t let anything happen to you. You’re staying close right?”
What a strange question, but then again that was mom for you. She could be perfectly fine one moment and then the next, it was as if she were hearing and seeing things that weren’t there, things that usually sent us running in the middle of the night.