In the car with them that evening, where they were taking me home at their brother’s orders, I tried getting his whereabouts out of them, with no luck.
At home I felt bereft and off kilter, like I was missing something. Dad was home so I had to act like everything was okay for his sake.
“Where’s your shadow Jazz?”
“Not nice dad, here have your dinner.” He turned up his nose at his sautéed spinach and Rosemary chicken with brown rice.
“Before you start there’s pie for dessert.” That seemed to perk him up a bit, until he learned what type it was and that there was hardly any sugar in it.
“So did he tell you anything about himself yet?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I thought since you two seem to be getting serious about each other, which by the way I’m not entirely sure about, that he would tell you what he’s doing here.”
“What do you mean? he lives here, he goes to school here, why shouldn’t he be here?”
“It’s more than that Jazz, come on, doesn’t it strike you as strange that... what the hell was that?” we both bounded up from the table at the loud noise outside in the backyard.
I went to the window while dad went to the door to find a huge limb had fallen across the back porch.
“That’s strange, there’s no wind.” He looked around as if for the source while I tried to come to grasp with my own thoughts.
There’s nothing I hate more than uncertainty and doubts, both of which I’ve been plagued with my whole life.
Thorn had said he was going to be gone, but where I don’t know. He disappears all the time without explanation, he’s secretive, shadowy even I guess, and he can read my mind.
Something flitted at the edges of my mind as I tried lining up all the things I knew about him in my head, as if it was trying to stop me.
“Dad, I have to do something in my room real quick, finish dinner without me okay.” I rushed from the room before he could object.
Alone upstairs in my room, I got pen and paper and jotted down all the things I knew about Thorn so far.
Not that I thought he was a danger, or that he was deceiving me in some way, for some reason I believed him inexplicably, though his actions were suspect to say the least.
When I was finished and had reread what I had written it gave me a jolt. Some of it was rather fanciful, or would be if it hadn’t really happened.
‘I see him in my dreams; the things he does to me there follows me into my waking moments. I feel his touch whenever I say his name.’ I tried that now to see...
“Thorn.” Yep, there it was, a soft caress or kiss against my nape.
The hours flew by as I laid in bed going over and over everything that had happened between us since I arrived here.
Most of it didn’t make sense and I wished I could talk to him, it was only then that I realized, I didn’t have his number or anyway of contacting him. I had a general idea of where he lived but no physical address.
I started to panic and jumped off the bed to pace the room. He’d been gone for hours, where had he gone, and what was it that he needed to talk to me about?
I felt him, like a cloak wrapped around me I felt his warmth and it soothed me. I brushed back the tears that fell from my eyes; tears that I had no idea had been there.
Crawling back into bed, I pulled the covers up over me as the wind picked up outside.
I was suddenly cold and alone. Dad called goodnight up the stairs and I felt guilty for abandoning him. I’d come here to be with him after all, but lately I haven’t had anytime for him.
I ran down the stairs and in a very uncharacteristic act, kissed his cheek goodnight. “I love you dad.”
We were both surprised by my declaration, but I wouldn’t take it back for the world, I meant it.
“I love you too sweetheart.” His voice sounded choked and I left him before we both embarrassed each other. At least he seemed happier with my declaration.
Alone again, I felt the emptiness that was always there when Thorn wasn’t around. I willed myself to go to sleep since that was the only time I found any peace. Maybe I’d see him there tonight.
The phone rang next to my bedside and I jumped to answer on the first ring. “I’ve got it dad.” I knew it was him before I heard his voice.
“Why are you sad Milaya?”
Because you left me and I feel like I’ve lost a limb. I didn’t say that out loud of course, I didn’t want him to think that I was a whiny little girl, so instead I put some cheer in my voice. “I’m not sad.”