My hand reached for his and I interlocked our fingers together. “I’m sorry.”
He eyed our joined hands.
“Can I see a picture of her?”
He kept his eyes glued to our tangle of hands before he left the chair and opened a drawer in his desk. He took out three picture frames and returned to me.
I took all three and examined them. The first one was a picture of all three of them, Crow, Cane, and Vanessa. Crow and Cane looked like they were in high school while Vanessa looked much younger. I looked at the next picture and saw Vanessa in a graduation gown with Crow beside her. His arm was wrapped around her and a smile was on his lips. The last one was the entire family—including Lars. His father shared Crow’s likeness so much that they looked like brothers. His mother was beautiful with dark brown hair and a slender frame. She shared several similarities with her daughter. “Beautiful family.”
Crow took the pictures back and set them on the table between us. He turned his gaze to the fire and grew quiet, suddenly brooding and angry. “She moved in with me when my parents died. She stayed here for years before Bones got her. Once she was gone the house never felt the same. It still doesn’t feel the same.”
I couldn’t begin to understand that kind of loss. I didn’t have a sibling, and I never had a family to begin with. The kind of pain I carried was fundamentally different. I never had anything to lose while he lost everything. “I’m sorry.” I wish I had something better to say. When it came to heartbreaking moments like this there was nothing to be done. “But we’ll make him pay for what he’s done. We’ll get Vanessa the justice he deserves.”
“Maybe,” he whispered. “But at the end of the day, she’ll still be gone. My parents will still be gone.”
My fingers drifted across his knuckles. “You have me. You’ll always have me.”
He eyed my hand before he linked our fingers together.
“Lars told me you’ve never really grieved...” I didn’t understand what that meant, not fully.
He stared into the fire. “I didn’t go to her funeral.”
“Why not?”
He shook his head slightly. “It’s...nevermind. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Please tell me.” I wanted to hear this. For his sake as well as my own.
He pulled his hand away. “Drop it.” He refilled his glass and downed the brandy with a single gulp. He withdrew from me, completely this time. He shut me out and refused to let me in. His eyes never turned my way and he darkened into the background, slowly fading from reality. He became nothing. He wanted to be nothing. He was nothing.
Chapter Fourteen
Crow
I fell into darkness for a week straight. I kept to myself and shut out the world, suffering in silence and waiting for it to pass. Button was by my side every day but she didn’t speak to me. In fact, we didn’t talk once.
I went through the motions of my life until the despair finally left my body. When I thought too hard about Vanessa I was pulled under by a sweeping current. It was enough to drown me—over and over.
By the time I pulled myself out a week had passed. I couldn’t recall what I did in those past seven days. I couldn’t recall what I ate or what I accomplished at work. Cane didn’t drop in like he usually did. He probably detected something with his sibling radar.
I finally snapped out of it one night after dinner. “I’m sorry.” I looked at Button across the table, truly looking at her for the first time. “I just...” I couldn’t explain it so I didn’t bother trying.
“It’s okay.” Her voice rang with sympathy, and she gave me a sad look as she finished the last pieces of her dinner. “I know the feeling. You dim down your participating in life and let it pass you.”
That was a good way to describe it.
“How’s work been?” She didn’t make the mistake of asking prying questions. She let the tense week pass without further thought. She didn’t interrogate me or tell me to seek out emotional help.
Because she understood me. “Fine. We have a shipment going out on Wednesday. The ship only leaves once every three weeks so we have to load as many crates as possible.”
“Where is the shipment going?”
“The United States.”
“I’ve never heard of your wine before.”
“Were you a big wine lover in America?”
“No.”
“Perhaps that’s why.” Anyone who knew about wine would recognize my product. When Button first came here she didn’t seem to know anything besides engineering and kicking ass.
“Do you ship anymore else?”
“Russia, England, Africa...anywhere you can think of, really.”
“That’s a large business. Must be exhausting running it by yourself.”
“It’s fine,” I answered. “It gives me something to do besides sell weapons to world leaders.”