Buttons & Hate (Buttons 2)

Chapter Fifteen

Pearl

I got into bed but couldn’t sleep. My mind was glued to the jar sitting on the table. It was over halfway full of random buttons. Black with purple lace, and white with gray tinsel, each button was distinctly different. The vase was a collage of different pieces. I wondered if they once belonged to Vanessa.

A light knock sounded on the door before Crow entered. He was in his sweatpants and t-shirt, ready for bed. He stood at the doorway and eyed me on the bed, his look stoic and unreadable.

I knew exactly what he wanted. But I wouldn’t give it to him.

“Come sleep with me.”

He didn’t get it both ways. He didn’t get to sleep with me every night but not feel something. He already pulled me into the darkness once with his kiss, touch, and pretty words. Now I had to put distance between us—ice-cold distance. The moment he didn’t return my affection a part of me died. I was certain he felt the same way, that his lips would tremble with adoration when he repeated the words. When I only received silence and an awkward look, I was heartbroken. “I like it in here.” The bed felt foreign the moment I got inside it. The mattress was unfamiliar and smelled like flowers. I preferred the masculine scent in the air, the mix of his aftershave and cologne.

“Button.” He tried to exert his authority with a single word but it wasn’t going to work.

I couldn’t sleep in there anymore. It wouldn’t feel magical like it once did. My body went limp and rigid at the same time. My heart shut down completely. I didn’t want to listen to him breathe in the dark. I didn’t want to see his face first thing in the morning. If we were just two people screwing, then that’s how we should act. “I’m staying in here. Good night, Crow.”

He remained by the door, his hand resting on the doorknob. “I want to keep an eye on you.”

“You don’t need to.” He even said it himself. If I died he’d be able to get over—because he didn’t love me and liked it that way. The past nine months felt like a dream. It had to be a dream because I was the only one who remembered it. I thought I’d found the place where I belonged. I thought I was different—special. But he coldly reminded me I was just one of the many.

And I would always be.

He lingered in the entryway even though he didn’t have anything else to say.

“I’m tired.” That was my polite way of dismissing him. I wasn’t even sure if I could sleep with him again before I left. All I would think about was the way I poured my heart out and he shut it down. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I adjusted myself on the bed and got comfortable under the sheets. I purposely turned away from him so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

His feet didn’t echo with his footsteps. He stood his ground and stared at me. I expected him to crawl into bed bedside me but he never did. Then I heard his feet hit the hardwood floor as he walked out. The click of the door sounded a moment later.

I wanted to cry but I refused to. Bones hurt me beyond repair but I got over that. Jacob betrayed me but I got over that. Cane beat me until I was black and blue but I got over that. But I would never get over this.

***

I got Cane’s phone number from Lars, and when Crow was at work I gave him a call.

“Barsetti,” he answered.

“I have a bone to pick with you, idiot.”

He paused over the line. “Who the hell is this?”

“It’s Pearl. You know, the woman you said your brother was in love with?”

“Uh...what’s up?”

“You lied to me. You made me believe he actually loved me. And then when I told him how I felt he shut me down.”

“He did?” he asked in shock. “What happened? You told him you loved him and he just stood there?”

“We were having sex.”

“Yikes. That makes it worse.”

“Anyway, he told he didn’t love me and never would. So, thanks.”

“He’s full of shit. I know when my brother is full of it, and right now he’s delusional.”

“Doesn’t matter. I just wanted to chew you out for throwing me under the bus.”

“Whoa, hold on,” he said. “I never told you to tell him you love him.”

“But you certainly gave me a nudge.”

He sighed into the phone. “What do you want me to say? You want me to talk to him?”

“God, no. I just wanted to give you a piece of my mind.”

“Well, I don’t care. I’m not good with these strange girl talks. I’m not even sure why we’re still talking about it. Who cares if he didn’t say it back? Move on.”