Buttons and Pain (Buttons 3)

“Bones is still alive.” He shook his head in disgust. “He shouldn’t be.”

“It’ll happen. Give it time.”

“He almost got you, Button. I was lucky that I saved you. It could have gone quite differently.”

“But it didn’t.” My arm hooked through his.

“But if it did…I wouldn’t have gone on.” He shook his head again. “I would have given up then and there and put a gun to my head. I would have pulled the trigger right in the middle of the street. Even if Cane were there it wouldn’t make a difference. Nothing would stop me from taking my own life.” He grabbed the glass and finished it before he slammed it upside down onto the table.

I rubbed his arm and struggled to comfort him in any way possible. Words were useless when he was buzzed and depressed like this. Even if I brought the light he couldn’t see it. He was swallowed deep in darkness. “We’re going to take him down and get the revenge you deserve. Then I’ll be free to go home and live out the rest of my life in peace. Everything will be okay.”

He finally turned my way and held my gaze with his own. His eyes weren’t brown and warm like they usually were. Now they were blacker than charcoal. Without saying a single insult he threatened me with a simple stare. “You aren’t leaving, Button. Not now. Not ever.”

“When he’s dead, Crow. Not tomorrow.” I already knew Crow wouldn’t let me walk away until it was absolutely safe. After he slaughtered those men I knew he appointed himself as my full time bodyguard. There wasn’t a single place I would go without him knowing about it. I wouldn’t set foot outside the estate, and I was always being watched.

“Not even then.”

When his meaning settled on my shoulders the rage immediately kicked in. Crow and I had come to a place where we were equals. I didn’t owe him anymore buttons and he couldn’t command me like he owned me. I wasn’t his slave, his property, or his anything. And he better not forget it. “You don’t tell me what to do. If I want to leave, I’ll leave—”

“I love you.”

I halted in midsentence and felt the unbearable pain enter my stomach like I’d been shot with a gun. I couldn’t speak because my mouth was frozen, and like I’d always been on the verge of tears my eyes watered. My lungs ached because I couldn’t breathe. I heard what he said but it was too good to be true. It felt so good it actually hurt. It was a tease, a glimpse of my most lavish dreams. “Are you…are you just saying that?” Crow wouldn’t lie to me, but he would do whatever was necessary to keep me safe. If it came down to it, he would say something like that to protect me.

“Never.” His hand wrapped around my neck gently and rested right over my pulse. Every time my vein throbbed I could feel the vibration against his palm. “I lost Vanessa and it killed me. I loved her so damn much and the second she was gone I wasn’t the same person anymore. And the idea of losing you…hurts me a million times more. I’ve been trying to deny it for a year but I can’t do it anymore. I know exactly why the pain is unbearable. I know exactly why it consumes my nightmares…because I love you.” He rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes, his breathing deep and even. “Now I want you to say it back.”

The fire crackled in the fireplace and was the only sound in the house. Our breathing filled the space and our thunderous beating hearts hammered at full speed. To anyone else, it was the sound of silence. But to us, it was the sound of a new beginning.

I never expected him to say those precious words, even if he did feel them. Now that he did I couldn’t stop my vulnerable reaction. The tears fell from my eyes and streaked down my cheeks like two small waterfalls. I didn’t understand just how much I needed him to say those words until he actually said them. This place was my home—he was my home. He was the only man that ever made me feel complete. He was a dream I never thought I could have, but he finally took down his walls and let me in.

“Button.” He pulled away and looked me in the eye, his expression the same as it always was. It was dark and intense, not an emotional wreck like mine. His fingers didn’t squeeze my neck but he gave me a gentle tug of impatience.

I finally got myself under control and wiped my tears away with the back of my forearm. Crying was annoying and a serious waste of time but I gave into it. When he left my apartment I did the same thing and humiliated myself right in front of him. After priding myself on being harder than steel I was crumbling like an old pile of leaves. “I love you too.”