Buttons and Shame (Buttons 4)

“You don’t know the area. I’m not even sure how you drove here.”

“With two legs and a brain,” she snapped. “I’m a lot more capable than you give me credit for.”

I knew exactly how strong she was. She’d suffered more than I had, but she still held her head high. I admired her more than anyone else in the world. But I didn’t want her to suffer anymore. All I wanted was a happy life for her. “Button, I know how strong you are. That’s never been the issue.” I watched an elderly man pass with a cane. He still held hands with his wife, who looked to be about the same age. Old and faded, they were approaching the end of their time together. That’s what I wanted with Pearl. To grow old with her. “I don’t ever want anyone to take you away from me.” I’d lost many people, and it was agonizing. When I thought I lost Pearl, I was a mess. I did my best to convince myself she didn’t mean anything to me, that she was expendable. But the more I pushed her away, the more I realized I couldn’t live without her. Now she was my wife, the other half of me. If I lost her, it would be different than it was with my parents and Vanessa.

It would be a million times worse.

Button snaked her hand through my arm and cuddled close to me on the bench. Her chest pressed into my arm, and her face rested on my shoulder. Her hair gently grazed my neck, soft like a rose petal. “I’m not going anywhere, Crow. There’s nothing that can come between us now.”

Even if I left the business entirely, I still had enemies all over the world. The price on my head was still high, and my bank account made me a prime target. My past couldn’t be erased, and blood would always be spilled. I would never be safe, so I couldn’t take down my guard. If someone took my life, then there would be no one to look after Button.

I was everything to her. What would she do without me?

“You never know when things can change. I need to be careful—we need to be careful.”

“I know, Crow. But we have to live our lives too. I was a prisoner for what felt like an eternity. Trust me, there’s no point in living if you can’t be free. I need to feel free.” She spoke into my shoulder, her lips moving against the fabric of my t-shirt.

I understood her point of view. Truly, I did. But my life was complicated. “I’ll never be free, Button. I was born into a blood war. The Barsetti name is both worshiped and cursed. I’ll never walk the world without looking over my shoulder. You and I will never truly be free. That’s something we both have to live with—because you’re a Barsetti.”

She leaned away so she could look me in the eye. “I’m proud to be a Barsetti. But I need more.”

“That’s all I can give you.” If I could give her the world, I would. But that was one thing my fingertips couldn’t reach. “If there’s someplace you want to see, I’ll take you. If there’s something you want to do, I’ll make it happen. But we have to strategically plan every move. Otherwise, we can take a wrong turn. I know this is hard for you to understand, but this is the only life I’ve ever known. One wrong move—and you’re dead.”

A handful of hair fell from behind her ear then repositioned itself around her face. Despite her abuse, she looked like someone who never lifted a finger. She was poised and graceful like a queen, with flawless skin that was healthy and vibrant. When she painted her lips that color, her teeth looked even whiter. Her eyes looked bigger, seductive when she did them that way. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?” I eyed her lips, wanting them pressed against mine in a heated embrace. Sometimes when I looked at her mouth, I only wanted it wrapped around my cock. But right now, I just wanted to kiss her. I wanted to make love to my wife, to take the time to really feel her lips—both pairs.

“I’ll be more cautious.”

She wasn’t even Italian, and she was a very stubborn woman. For her to make that gesture, no matter how small and vague it was, was significant. So I would take it with gratitude. “Can I take you to dinner?”

“I’m sure Lars has something cooking.”

“We can have that for lunch tomorrow. There’s this great place around the corner I think you’ll like.”

“Ooh…are we going on a date?”

I stopped resisting the temptation of her lips and kissed her. “Yes. And I want to make love to you when we get home.”