Buttons and Blame (Buttons 5)

I walked into the kitchen because I was starving. Cane fattened me up before I left, but most of that weight had been shed immediately because I only ate once while I was a captive. Cane was in the kitchen when I walked inside, just finished preparing lunch. He had two plates of spaghetti.

He knew it was my favorite. “Hungry?”

“Starving.”

His eyes fell at the comment. He carried the plates to the table, and we ate in silence.

Cane still didn’t look at me. He seemed to avoid it whenever possible. When I was here before, he could barely take his eyes off me. A constantly intense expression was on his face, his eyes boring into mine like he owned me. He wasn’t afraid to possess me with just a single look. Now he refrained from even allowing me to be in his line of sight.

It made me feel disgusting. “Cane?”

“What’s up?” His eyes turned to his food.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

“Of course I look at you.” His face moved up, and he met my gaze.

“But you do everything you possibly can to avoid it. You used to stare at me all the time… Now you try to pretend I don’t exist.”

He sighed and looked down at his food again. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

“Then what is it? I thought being back here would make me happy…but it seems like you don’t want me here.”

“Of course I want you here. I’m just… I assumed you wouldn’t want me to look at you.”

“Why would you think that?” I whispered.

“After everything you’ve been through, I assumed it would make you uncomfortable. You wouldn’t want to be stared at, touched…stuff like that. I’m just trying to give you space. You must be disturbed. I don’t know how to handle this…”

“What did you do last time?”

He turned his expression on me.

“You stared at me all you wanted. You touched me when you wanted. Nothing has changed.”

“That was different… I didn’t care about you then.”

“I think you did.” He would have been worse to me if he hadn’t. “I want you to touch me, Cane. I want you to look at me. I don’t think about anyone else when I’m with you. With you, I feel safe. With you, I feel like I’m at home.”

His eyes softened.

“I’m not ready to jump back into bed right away—”

“I never expected you to.”

“But I want everything else. I don’t want you to look at me like I’m damaged. I don’t want you to look at me like you pity me.”

“How can I not feel that way?” he whispered. “The idea of you suffering makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Well, I’m not suffering anymore, Cane. Now I’m in this beautiful house with a beautiful man. I have a plate of food in front of me, I took a long shower… Everything else will get better in time.” I slid my hand across the table with my palm up.

He eyed it before he took it. Her fingers interlocked with mine, and he gave me a gentle squeeze. “Bellissima…”

* * *

Cane stripped down to his boxers. His muscled physique was just as strong as ever. Hard lines marked the grooves between his muscles. He was still the powerhouse I remembered, the strong man who could knock over a house if he just pushed hard enough. His shoulders were broad, his hips were slim.

He was beautiful.

He was dark outside like the other men I encountered, but he had a distinct brightness in his eyes. He had a soul underneath that hard chest. He was a killer, but he was also a healer. “Are you sure you want to sleep in here?”

I was already under the sheets with one of his t-shirts on. “I don’t want to sleep alone.” When I slept on that cot, I listened to every sound outside the door, waiting for Tristan to come back for me. I spent all of my time alone, even when Tristan was pounding into me. My mind was the only thing he couldn’t touch. He desecrated everything else, but my mind was too strong to be demolished.

But now, my walls were gone because Cane was there. I didn’t need to protect myself from him. I would sleep all through the night without being jerked away. No one could touch me when he was beside me.

Cane pulled back the covers and got into bed beside me.

I immediately moved to his side of the bed and wrapped my body around his. I loved the way he felt under my fingertips, the way his muscles shifted under the skin. He was warm, like a roaring fire in the hearth. His heartbeat was a lullaby. I crowded his side of the bed and clung to him with no intention of letting go.

He turned his head toward mine and pressed a kiss to my forehead.