Breaking Out (The Surrender Trilogy 2)

She swallowed, shut her eyes, and nodded. “Okay, Parker. I’ll take your help. God knows I need it. But I can’t stay with you. If you want to stay here, you’re more than welcome. I’d like the company.”

His eyes searched her face and slowly he grinned. “Okay, Scout. You got a deal.”

Chapter 23

A night without stars

That was what her life had become, a night without stars. Scout could still smile, but it was an empty expression, pained by so many tiny fractures along her heart. Her laughter, for the most part, was hollow. She tried in vain to recall what happiness felt like, but the mere thought triggered a string of memories that seized her breath and put unbearable pressure on her heart.

She didn’t want to break. Her mind filled with unholy images of her heart splitting like sheets of ice choking a river, ripping apart until gaping blackness showed through. Not being able to process recollections of the past few months without pain meant her recollections of happiness were, for the most part, gone, blurred, buried beneath the ice that had so thoroughly smothered her heart.

But happiness had once existed in her. She just couldn’t imagine it.

Parker decided to spend the night. He was prepared to sleep on the couch, but when she said good-night and headed to the balcony, he froze. “Scout?”

It wasn’t like she never slept outside before. She was more comfortable there than under the roof of some apartment that didn’t belong to her, surrounded by walls and memories she couldn’t bear to face. She shrugged, unable to meet his gaze without feeling embarrassed. “It’s suffocating.”

Quickly turning away from his confused face, she padded over the threshold to her lounge chair. She was very tired. All she seemed to do anymore was sleep, which was fine with her. She welcomed the numbness.

Settling under the blanket, she breathed. Her eyes counted the stars in the sky. There weren’t many, yet they were innumerable, infinite. If a sky was without stars, would it still be called night? Could there be laughter without glee, smiles without joy? Like a starless night, she was falling into something dark and unremarkable, a smudge that blocked the warmth of the day.

So unmoved by all things lately, she couldn’t find the nerve to really care. Sometimes darkness was peaceful. She was the starless night, cold, still, without a single flicker. It was so tempting to drown in the oppressive darkness swathing her mind. The thought was enticing enough to make her sigh and shut her eyes, darkness pulling her under.

A shadow passed over her face, and she cracked open her lashes. Parker was standing over her, frowning.

“Are you really sleeping out here?”

Her shoulder lifted beneath the blanket. “It’s safe up here. It’s not too cold. Why not?”

He scoffed. “Because you have a home to sleep in.”

She didn’t have the energy to defend her crazy behavior at the moment, so she just stared back at him. He sighed and lifted the covers. “Move over then.”

Surprised, but slightly glad for the company, she shifted to the left of the wide lounge chair and Parker scooted in beside her.

As she shifted her hips, searching for a soft spot to settle in to, his soft sweater and familiar scent warmed her senses. Heat collected between them. They’d never rested so close. It was different, yet for some reason welcomed by her body.

Parker’s lean form fit against hers. “Thanks for finding me, Park.”

“I could never lose you completely.” His breath was warm over her cheek.

Scout shut her eyes. Images of Lucian played with visions of her past, visions of Parker, of the tracks, of her life as it was before billionaires and broken hearts.

Her mind stumbled as fingers gently tugged the hair peeking from the brim of her wool cap. She blinked into the dark.

This was new. Parker never really touched her before. It was foreign, but at the same time familiar. She should probably scoot away, but something about his touch, the presence of another body close to hers, was selfishly coveted and she couldn’t ask him to stop.

She relaxed, letting his gentle touch soothe her in a way no one else had offered her comfort in days.

“It’s okay to talk to me about it, Scout,” he whispered.

She didn’t open her eyes or acknowledge his statement, but heard it all the same.

“I’ll be there for you, through anything. I care about you and don’t want you to be sad.”

I know.

She did know, but offering words of validation, proof of a rational train of thought, only made her feel like a traitor. Part of her believed she needed to feel this pain right now, as though it were a rite of passage to teach her that this was why she should not have fallen in love.

Thoughts blended into nothingness, and slowly her consciousness faded and fell away. She became aware of time passing only as the distant sound of vehicles occasionally moved over the streets below. She slept. For the first time in days she truly slept.