He chuckled and arched his brow. “Stealthy?”
She smiled. “Yes. The knights appear to be focused on one direction, but are known for making swift, unpredictable shifts and hijacking the entire game. He said I should watch out for you.”
“Maybe he’s right.” The momentary ease of their conversation evaporated. He’d done it again, slipped in some confusing sentence that had her questioning the ever-dependable presence that was Parker.
She met his stare head-on, a glint of assuredness making his gaze sharp in a way she’d never seen him look before. This was what Lucian had been referring to when he called Parker shrewd. It was a worrying side of him to see. Instinctively, she withdrew her hands from his grip.
“Parker.” She swallowed. This time there was no misinterpreting the look in his eyes. When he eased forward, she drew back. “I can’t.”
“Scout, can’t is a word outside of your vocabulary. And it’s a very extensive vocabulary.” He quickly brushed his lips over her cheek and stood, leaving her frowning. It was the kiss a brother would give a sister. She was mangling everything. She needed to just stop, stop thinking, stop worrying, stop her brain from overthinking.
She took a moment to scrutinize him. She didn’t know why, but she continuously compared him to Lucian. Parker was so different from Lucian, younger, leaner. Parker was a handsome man. He had a sophisticated air and an earthy edge, while Lucian was all chiseled edges and sleek control. Lucian was contained authority, and Parker was reserved vigilance.
As she analyzed the soft curve of his lip, the dappled golden shade of his haphazard hair, she saw a man who was quite attractive. Her fingers went to her cheek, where his lips had briefly touched. Maybe she was the one mixing things up.
Parker saw her as a girl she no longer was. His opinion of her remained unchanged. She was the one who suddenly saw him differently. The boy she’d grown up beside was gone, and in his place stood a man she sometimes couldn’t recognize. Perhaps if she could somehow make herself feel something for Parker, her heart would stop pining for a man who no longer wanted her.
No! Her mind immediately rejected that suggestion. But the thought remained. She trapped it away, labeling it as destructive and wrong.
As she struggled to predict how long she would hurt, she couldn’t help but scrabble for anything that would numb the pain. Was this what Pearl felt like, helpless to have what she’d become so addicted to?
She was painfully aware of the fact she was holding on to something she no longer had. Her heart constricted. For the first time ever, she saw shades of Pearl in herself.
Like Pearl, Scout craved something she couldn’t have, something that changed her, brought her to life in a way only she experienced, while onlookers pitied how lost she’d become. Did Parker pity her?
Lucian was an addiction, and the withdrawal was surely killing her. Seeing her situation in that light made her recovery absolutely necessary. She’d become as disoriented as her mother.
She drew in a slow breath. Parker continued to pace as her insides fell to pieces.
She sat on the straight-back chair and watched as he turned to face her. “Scout,” he whispered.
What could she say? She was completely lost. She remained silent. She wasn’t sure what sort of expression she wore, but it drew him close. He slowly held out a hand. Confused, she placed her fingers in his. Make it stop. Make the pain and questions go away.
“Let’s get out of here,” Parker suddenly said.
“W—where do you want to go?”
He grinned. “Let’s go have some fun like we used to. I want to see you smile, and I decided my goal for the day is to get as many smiles from you as I can.”
Grinning at the offered distraction, she nodded. Escaping sounded nice. It also sounded daunting. Scout didn’t know if she could commit to a day of feigned happiness when on the inside, shattered bits of sadness were fighting to get out of her. But she agreed anyway. He was the only lifeline she had left.
“Okay.”
***
The temperature was in the low sixties. People ambled along the city walks without coats, and the soggy April ground showed little peeks of spring. Snippets of green flecked the wintered earth, and pale blooms of color were budding from the thawing soil. Trees were greening and the world took on a renewed appearance, as it once again was reborn beneath the sun.
They first went to Ninth Street Park, where a group of children were having a baseball scrimmage. Scout smiled at the ragtag appearance of their clothing. This was not an organized competition, but a joining of friends sharing in the nice afternoon.
Some kids had softened leather gloves and some merely used their hands. There were no bases, only a general understanding that certain lines in the sand stood for more than just tracks.