Falling In (The Surrender Trilogy 1)

Swiping at her insistent tears, glad no one else was around at the moment, she said, “It’s okay. It is what it is.”

His large, firm palm rubbed over her back. He smelled nice. Her nose breathed in the traces of soap clinging to his sweater. He must’ve washed it recently.

“She’s getting so thin. As I bathed her I could count her ribs. She doesn’t even have breasts anymore. I’m so afraid of the day I’ll go there and she . . .” A shaky breath cut off her fears.

“Shh, don’t talk like that. You’re a good daughter and your mother loves you. You’re doing everything you can to help her.”

Although Pearl was adamant about staying out of the shelters, with a little bit of money, Scout could maybe find a small place for her and Pearl alone. Her mother had been raped when she was in her thirties at a shelter, and since then had never entered another. If she could just get her away from the mill, away from the tracks and those assholes down there, maybe she could get a little better. Some days Scout saw signs of the old Pearl, but most days she was a realist enough to know her brain was too far damaged from drugs and hard living to ever return her mother to her.

Her mind switched to Lucian Patras and his offer. If she helped him, maybe he’d help her get help for Pearl. Maybe if she could afford a good doctor and could put her mother on some sort of medicine, she could get better. Pearl had to be less than ninety pounds at this point.

At the rate her mother was withering away, she didn’t have much time left. She was going to do what she was going to do. Every decision she made had a direct correlation to how she’d obtain her next fix. She’d sell herself to anyone to score a hit, and every time she did it brought her a little closer to death. Scout could sell herself just the same, but without the risks Pearl tempted with such dealings. Mr. Patras was worlds away from the men her mother dealt with.

Breathing in the last bit of Parker’s strength and familiar scent, Scout straightened her shoulders and pulled away. Enough self-pity.

“Thanks, buddy. I needed that. Don’t tell the others or I’ll have to retaliate just to prove I’m still a hard-ass.”

He smiled sadly and wiped away a tear her cold fingers had missed. “No one doubts your toughness, Scout. You’re one of the toughest girls I know.” He reached into his pocket. “Here, I saved you my roll from supper.”

Her heart swelled. Parker was an awesome friend. “Thank you, but you keep it. I already ate my fill today.”

There was no need to tell him. As much as she wanted to tell him about the amazing feast earlier, in the light of their existence it now only seemed cruel.

“You sure?”

His hunger was evident in the way he held the stale bread. She smiled. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

By the time they made it into the gymnasium, it was already lights out. Scout said good night to Parker and went to the ladies’ room. Sometimes it was nice to be the last one standing. She needed a good wash and having the restroom to herself made that a little more possible.

***

The following morning Scout arrived extra early at Patras. She hadn’t slept much the night before. The moment sleep found her, her dreams were restless. Horrible visions of her mother’s skeletal form filled her nightmares. By the end of her last dream she realized it was not Pearl she was seeing, but her own reflection. As her body jerked awake her mind gave up on sleep, and Scout decided to dress for work.

The shelter didn’t offer breakfast, and residents had to be out by eight. She often wondered where Parker spent his days. He never went far and most of the time he could be found at the Folsom library. Some days he’d take her there, and they’d find a quiet corner and he’d read to her. Other days he’d pick a children’s book and guide her as she struggled through. She loved those days.

She decided not to mention Lucian Patras to Parker. He wouldn’t understand, and she didn’t feel like being judged. It wasn’t that Parker was overly judgmental. He was just protective of her and worried like a mother hen at times. He also thought she had an unhealthy obsession with money, but from her impoverished perspective, money ruled the world.

After stuffing her belongings in her locker and taking inventory of her cart, she waited for Tamara outside of her office. Pulling an emery board out of her pushcart, Scout tidied up her fingernails as she waited.

Her mind of course wandered to Lucian Patras. If his offer still stood, she was pretty certain she was going to take it, with some conditions of her own. He was right, everything did have a price, and her morals seemed on sale at the moment. While the idea of visiting a salon and actually having her hair cut professionally for the first time in her life was appealing, it was also worthless. Clothing, however, could be sold and jewelry could be pawned.