Dancing in the Dark

“Only a couple of thousand times,” Wendy said with a little smile.

“It’s such a joy, waking up in the morning and knowing you’re right down the hall, that I don’t have to wonder how you are or where you are, that I don’t have to look at the clock and think about what time it is in Paris before I call you.”

“Mom.” Wendy took her mother’s hand. “It was the same for me.”

“Was it? Paris is such a glamorous city....”

“But it wasn’t home. Honestly, I’m glad to be back.”

It was true, Wendy thought in surprise. She was happy to be back. And happy to be here tonight. All week, her mother had begged her to tell her what was wrong, but how could she when she didn’t know herself? She’d felt...what? A heaviness within her breast. A sort of melancholy that just wouldn’t go away.

She’d told herself it was because she was edgy and impatient about meeting Dr. Pommier, but down deep she’d known it wasn’t entirely that.

Her mother kept saying she needed to get out, do things. Well, maybe she was right. There was something pleasant about being out tonight, surrounded by the sound of laughter and the smell of good food. Maybe she’d been silly to worry so much about what people would say when they saw her. Or to worry about how she’d feel, seeing Seth.

Nothing. That was what she felt. He just made her angry, that was all. He was so stubborn. So mule-headed. So damned arrogant and self-righteous—

“Ladies? Your table is ready.”

“Wonderful,” Gina said. “Sweetie? You ready?”

“Absolutely,” Wendy said brightly. Her mother picked up her glass, slid from the stool and followed the hostess. Wendy fell in behind her.

The hostess led them through the long, crowded room to a table near the fireplace. Their server would be along in just a minute, she said, and placed their menus before them. Gina shrugged off her coat and let it drape over the back of her chair. She looked at Wendy, who did the same thing.

“I love sitting back here. You get a view of the entire room this way. Isn’t it lovely?”

“Very.” Wendy opened her menu. “What’s good?”

“Everything.” Gina smiled, supposedly at the menu, but really at the pleasure of seeing her daughter without a frown puckering her forehead. “Try the black bean soup, if you want something that’ll really warm you up. Or the cheddar cheese bisque.”

“Mmm. That’s for me. The cheese bisque.” Wendy closed the menu and cleared her throat. “Mom? Thanks for bringing me here.”

“Don’t be silly. It’s my pleasure.”

“You know what I mean. I’ve been such a mope, and you know what? You were right. It’s good getting out.”

“To the big city,” Gina said, and laughed.

The waiter took their order. The women drank their wine, munched on salty breadsticks and had the kind of free-roving conversation they hadn’t had since Wendy had come home.

Since the accident, Gina thought, and felt the unwanted blur of tears. She blinked them back but it was too late. Wendy had noticed.

“Mom? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Gina said.

They looked at each other. Then they began to laugh.

“Talk about role reversal...” Wendy sat back as the waiter served their salads. “You were crying,” she said softly.

“No. Well, maybe just a little.” Gina picked up her fork and stabbed an endive leaf. “I was thinking how nice it is, having dinner with my favorite daughter.”

“Your only daughter,” Wendy answered, and they laughed again at the old joke. They ate in silence for a few minutes. “Mom?”

Gina looked up. “What, dear?”

“There was another English teacher in the school where I taught in Paris.” She put down her fork and folded her hands in her lap. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve told you much about my work there. The method I used, I mean. Have I?”

Not a word, Gina thought. “No,” she said, “you haven’t.”

Wendy nodded. “Well, what I’d do was give my students a few weeks of the basics. Vocabulary mostly, with a little bit of grammar tossed in.”

When the waiter appeared with their soup, Wendy sat back a moment until he’d served them.

“After that,” she continued, once he had gone, “we’d just talk. It worked really well, and one day the other teacher asked me if I could show her my plan book. I said I didn’t have one, that I used the ‘deal with it as it comes’ method. And she said, ‘Ah, of course. Deal with it the way one deals with life.’” Wendy swallowed dryly. “I want you to know I’m trying to do that. Deal with it as it comes—and I know you’re opposed to what comes next.”

“I just want you to be sure that having the operation is the right thing, Wendy. Can you understand that?”

“Yes. Absolutely. But the thing is, Mom, this is my life. I need to deal with it in my own way. I need to be me again.”

“Oh, baby, you are you! Just because you got hurt—”

“I didn’t just get hurt,” Wendy said fiercely. “I let everybody down. My team. My town. My coach. You and Daddy.”

“Never, Wendy! And surely, never me.”

“Yes, you. But most of all, the person I let down was...”

Seth.

At first she thought she’d actually said his name, but her mother was still looking at her, waiting for the rest. Wendy clamped her lips together, horrified at how close she’d come to a truth nobody could ever know.

“Wendy.”

Her mother reached across the table for her hand. If she touched her...God, if she touched her, it was all going to come tumbling out—that she hadn’t just disappointed them all, she’d destroyed the one dream that really mattered. Not the one her father thought she cherished, but the true dream, the secret dream...

“I’m all right,” Wendy said. She put her spoon on her plate, her napkin on the table, then pushed back her chair. Gina started to rise, too. Wendy shook her head. “No. No, thank you, Mom, but—but you don’t have to come with me. I just...I have to go to the ladies’ room. You stay here. I’ll be—”

Seconds ago, she’d thought of Seth. Now, as she stood up, she saw him. She could almost feel the blood drain from her face.

“Wendy?”

And it was silly, wasn’t it? Hadn’t she just told Gina her motto? Deal With It As It Comes, because there wasn’t a way in the world you could prepare for life ahead of time.

“Baby, please, what is it?”

You could never plan on anything...but maybe, just maybe, in an area as small as this tiny piece of New England, she should have been smart enough to have at least anticipated coming face-to-face with Seth seated two tables away, holding hands with the woman who’d replaced her.

It wouldn’t have helped.

Nothing could have prepared her for how she’d feel to see him with another woman, or for the sharpness of the pain that knifed through her heart.

CHAPTER SEVEN

THE LADIES’ ROOM was empty, except for a whimsical toy panda dressed in a purple ski suit that sat on the marble vanity, smiling at Wendy as she ran cold water into the sink and splashed handfuls of it on her face.

After a few seconds, she shut off the water, lifted her head and looked at herself in the mirror. A woman with suspiciously bright eyes and blotchy skin stared back at her.

The stuffed panda was still smiling.

“What are you looking at?” Wendy grumbled, and doused her face with more cool water.

It was ridiculous to be so upset at seeing Seth with another woman. He had a new life. So did she—or she would have, once she had the operation. One of the risks in coming back to Cooper’s Corner had been the probability of seeing Seth, and it had already happened twice.

She’d survived both encounters.

So what if this was a little different? He was on a date. Well, that was his prerogative. It was perfectly normal for him to be here with a woman, deep in conversation, so deep that he hadn’t noticed her sitting just a couple of tables away.

“I’m fine with that,” Wendy said to the panda.

She tore a paper towel from the dispenser, soaked it in cold water and pressed it to her face. Her cheeks felt as if they were on fire. She couldn’t go back out there like this, skin hot, eyes glittering as if there were tears in them.

The past was the past. If she had a dollar for every time she’d said that the last few days...

“I’d be a millionaire,” she told the panda, just as the door opened. A teenage girl shot her the kind of look any sane person would give someone conversing with a panda wearing a purple ski suit. Wendy thought about explaining, decided against it, took a steadying breath and left. Outside in the narrow hall, she paused, curved her lips into a smile and stepped into the dining room.