I put my hands on my hips, acting as if I have all the confidence in the world when actually I just want to hide in a corner somewhere. “Well, I think it’s time I moved back home. This thing with Martin is over. I’m in your hair all the time, and you just moved in. You don’t need a roommate.” I stutter through it, but I finally get it out.
He lifts his chin. “You want to leave me?”
No! I scream in my mind. I’d stay with him forever if that was an option. But it’s not. I can’t just keep this up, wanting more when he doesn’t. But instead of answering him, I just shrug my shoulders as if I don’t feel like I’m dying inside. “I think it’s time I go home.”
He’s watching me, and I force myself to keep eye contact with him. I’m trying to read him. All he’d have to do is say the word and I wouldn’t leave, and I swear I’m holding my breath, waiting for what comes next.
“If you want to leave, I won’t stop you. But do you think when you get off work, you can come and we can talk first?” His voice is thick, filled with emotion, and there’s no way I could deny him anything.
I nod my head. “What can I get you to eat?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to see you. I’ll be at home when you get off. I’ll see you there?”
I nod again because it feels like I have a big lump in my throat, and I’m afraid to say anything.
He sits for just a second, watching me before he gets up and I watch him walk out the door.
Alice comes up next to me. “It must not have been good if he didn’t even say hi to me. What’d you do, Jane?”
Because I can’t hold it back anymore, I let my head fall between my shoulders. “I told him I was going back home.”
“But why? Why would you do that? That man loves you.”
I’m already shaking my head. God, I love Alice. She thinks everyone should love me. “He doesn’t though. He wants to be my friend, and I want more.”
“Why do you two look like someone died?”
I look up at Sam as he sits down at the counter. I wipe at the tear that just escaped. “Nothing, we’re fine.”
Alice speaks up. “No, we’re not fine. Jane says she’s leaving Dutton’s house.”
Sam whistles long and shrill, causing everyone to look at us. “Poor guy. Is he okay?”
I stare back at him, stunned. I thought for sure Sam would be worried about me. “Poor guy? You mean poor Jane?”
He laughs then. He has a real big laugh that usually makes me smile, but this time it makes me give him a dirty look.
“No, I mean poor Dutton. That boy loves you!”
I gasp. “He does not.”
Sam looks confused and shakes his head. “Yes, he does. Why else would he move his business across the country? Buy a house in the small town of Sweetheart? Have me and Alice keep an eye on you all the time and then drive like a madman when he heard you were going on a date with another man?” He shakes his head almost impatiently at me. “If that’s not love, honey, I don’t know what is.”
“What? He didn’t… I’m not the reason…” I’m shaking my head, looking between Alice and Sam, unable to believe what they’re saying. “No, I don’t believe you.”
Alice walks up to me and puts her hand on my back. “Honey, I know you were never shown love from your family. And we all know I’m not good at letting people know, but I had hoped you would see it in Dutton’s eyes every time he looks at you. He loves you, honey. He’s got it in his head he needs to take it slow. He is older than you, more experienced. He doesn’t want to push you, that’s all.”
My mouth is wide open in awe. Could he? Is there any way? “He likes me?”
Sam shakes his head. “No, honey. He loves you.”
“I have to go. I have to talk to him,” I tell them. My whole body is trembling, wanting to believe what they’re saying but not wanting to let myself.
“Go. Go. I got this. I’ll put Sam to work if I have to.”
“Go on, honey,” Sam says, and that’s all it takes because I reach into the backroom and take my purse off the hook then run outside with my apron still on.
My hands are trembling just thinking about Dutton. I put the car into gear and start driving to his house, trying to form a plan of what I’m going to say.
10
Dutton
I’ve lost her. I’ve lost her before I even had her.
I walked out of the diner hoping that she’ll stay true to her word and come over so we can talk.