Her full lips twitch, though she does a bang-up job of stopping the corners from lifting into the smile I see wanting to bust loose.
To the untrained eye she hasn’t so much as batted an eyelash. I only notice it because I’m a fine-tuned machine when it comes to reading people. I’ve had to be, or wind up dead under defensive backs that want my head on a stick.
“I can’t wait ’til you change into your Super Girl costume.”
I know I shouldn’t antagonize her, and yet I can’t help myself. It’s beyond my control––meaning this woman makes me lose all control. No clue why.
She sighs, her baby blues sliding back down to the menu, and I hide another grin behind mine.
“Will the childish taunting cease, please.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I scan the chicken dishes, trying to determine what to order, but I can’t focus. My attention keeps drifting back to her. Whereas she keeps studying that thing as if she’s getting a PhD in Chinese cuisine.
“And it’s Wonder Woman.” Her brow wrinkles as if she’s given my comment some serious consideration. “If I were to change into a costume, it would be Wonder Woman. I’m not a girl. Or is your eyesight faulty?”
Sweet Jesus, I like this one. Elbows on the table, I lean in. “Prove it.”
She finally looks up, tilts her head, and smirks. “I can see this conversation is going nowhere I want it to go.”
“Where do you want it to go?”
“On a topic relevant to me making a decision.”
“I’m a healthy male.” I start marking the basics off on my digits. “Age thirty-five in two months. Leo. Which, FYI, makes me great in bed and fun to be around.” This one earns me an immediate and exaggerated eye roll. “I have no history of drug or alcohol abuse. I have diabetes on my mother’s side, her dad, and heart issues on my father’s, great-granddad died at forty. I have perfect eyesight and a great singing voice but only in the shower so if you insist on hearin’ it you’ll have to join me there.”
She’s back to blank staring. A full sixty seconds passes in silence.
“Who does that work on? Really. Someone along the way had to have encouraged this behavior. I’d like to know which one of my gender committed this egregious act of stupidity so I can publicly shame her.”
Biting back a grin, I glance at my menu. “All of ’em, sweetheart. They all love it. Except you, of course.”
“Which brings me to my next question. STDs?”
That’s a weird one but I’ve got nothing to hide. “Clean as a virgin nun.” And I’m dead serious. I’ve always tagged and bagged it. Mainly because I’ve always been terrified of knocking up some wannabe WAG. It says a lot that I was always more concerned with gettin’ one of those, than an STD.
“I highly doubt that, but moving on. The actual parenting stuff we’ll leave for later. If I choose you.”
“When––when you choose me. Let’s think positive.”
She pauses, her face telling me the heavy stuff is coming.
“Are you sure about this? You just retired. That must be difficult. How do you know you won’t feel differently a year from now after the dust has settled? And do you have any experience with kids? How do you know you’ll like them?”
“Man Up.”
“Excuse me?”
“The name of the camp for at-risk boys I started. It runs every August at a farm upstate. The family that owns it rescues animals and grows organics. They spend the month caring for the animals, learning about sustainable farming––some of these boys have never eaten a fresh vegetable.”
The tension she often carries on her face eases. A small change in her opinion of me has occurred, the walls coming down some. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“That’s…really great.”
I shrug and take a swig of my beer. The pat on the back doesn’t mean anything to me. I do it for the boys, for the shit luck most of them have had. A few weeks of breathin’ room from the burdens of their lives isn’t much but it’s better than nothing.
“The Dane Wylder Foundation does good.”
“Can we cut the hillbilly crap? I know you graduated summa cum laude.”
“Yes, ma’am.” It makes me uncomfortable, talking about myself. The real stuff that is. She doesn’t need to know that though. She probably wouldn’t believe it if I told her anyway.
“What about you? Why a kid with no husband? I thought that’s what all little girls dream about?”
Her gaze slides to the paper napkin she’s shredding into a million pieces. “Not this little girl.” She’s got her dander up. I can tell by the sharp reply. “I’ve always wanted kids. I had plans to work hard for a couple more years before doing this but…you know, plans change.”
“Any reason?”
“Yeah, because time is a precious commodity and I don’t want to waste any more of it.”
I sense a deeper meaning somewhere in there, but I don’t push, not when she’s finally starting to let her guard down around me.
“And you’ve never wanted to do this before? With somebody you loved.”
She studies me before answering, taking the time to suss out my intentions no doubt. “No, I haven’t. The one person I was in a relationship with wanted to get married and I didn’t.”
Her words hit home. It’s like staring at a mirror image of myself. Before my thoughts get a chance to drift down that road, she says, “What about you? Nobody you love to do this with?”
“I’ve never been in love.”
The gives me a look that says she doesn’t believe me. “Come on––all kidding aside.”
“I’m serious.”
Her face shifts from suspicion to disbelief to a tentative acceptance. “You’ve never been in love?”
“No.”
“Never?”
“Not once.”
“You’re thirty-five, and you’ve never, not even in junior high, been in love.” It’s no longer a question. She’s finally accepting it as fact.
I shrug. “I guess I’ve gotten lucky.”
A bunch of silence happens…which tells me I may have overplayed my hand.
“What about dating?” she says with a hard stare, practically willing me to be bad.
“I’m game if you are.”
She blinks and blinks. Then her eyes narrow. “I wouldn’t want my child exposed to a string of your victims.”
The smile falls right off my face. What the hell is she implying? In contrast to popular
opinion, I don’t chase women. Never had to when so many chase me.
“They’re not victims if they’re beggin’ for it.”
Sitting back, she crosses her arms. “This isn’t helping your cause.”
“Can I be honest?” I lean forward, invading as much of her space as possible. Not for the first time I’m grateful for my size.
“By all means.”
“You make me crazy. I’m on my heels every time we speak. I don’t say shit, ’scuse me, I don’t say things like that, but I get around you and it’s like…it’s like I’m not myself. I react without thinking.”
We both fall silent. I’m a dead man walking. By the look on her face it’s over for me. In my mind, I’m howling. Pissed off at myself. Pissed off at her.
“I don’t want any strange women around my child. That’s a hard limit. And if––and it’s a big if––I decide to do this with you, I will hold you to it or see you in court.”
I blink, processing…processing. She didn’t give me the boot. Hot dang, I’m still in play. Also, I’ve come a long way when the words “see you in court” don’t send me running out of the restaurant.
“I’m not going to pretend I’ll be livin’ like a monk, ’cause that would be a lie. What I can do is promise that I will keep my personal business totally separate from my family business.”
And then it occurs to me that she may want to date as well. An ugly thought butts in. Some strange dude coming to pick her up and my little boy crying after her as she walks out the door, the image so clear my stomach flips. There goes my appetite.
“The same rule applies to you. No weird dudes around my kid.”
She’s surprised, eyes widening until they’re impossibly big.
“I would never.” A slender hand falls over her heart. “And dating isn’t an option for me, not for a long time.”
My appetite comes storming back.