How to Save a Life

It sounds like my dad. There’s something about the truth that strikes a frequency in all of us. Even if you’re not ready to face it, or hear it yet. You can feel it inside of you. My mother’s words ring true.

“I’ll check upstairs,” I tell her, “see if we forgot anything.”

I take the stairs two at a time and check my mother’s bedroom first. Give it the all clear. Then I check mine. I open the closet door and something drops to the ground. I pick it up.

It’s one of the flowers Jordan gave me on the trip to Cape Cod. I saved it between the pages of a book because I wanted to keep it forever. I managed to pack all the angst I avoided in my teenage years into my late twenties. What can I say, except that I’m not proud of myself.

It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen him. It’s better this way. It hurts too much. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of him. Some days it feels like a part of me is missing. Sometimes the pain is excruciating, sometimes it’s a quiet ache. You can’t just stop loving someone because they’re no longer in your life. There’s no kill switch––as much as I’d like there to be. You learn to live with it until it consumes less and less of your time. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

Twirling the dried black-eyed daisy between my fingers, I grab my down jacket and head outside to warm up the pickup. I had to sell my old one with the H&D logo on the door that I sealed on myself, so Dom lent me his for the move. We sold most of the furniture, but it’ll still take us a couple of trips to complete the move.

Outside, the dry biting cold makes me hunch up my shoulders. The temperature has dropped. It’s colder than a snowman’s piss but whatever. I’m prepared to deal with it.

What I’m not prepared to deal with is the man leaning against the pickup truck, shivering. The sight of him brings me up short. Seeing me on the front steps, he stands and a smile tugs his lips up. Slowly, he walks up to me while my heart thumps loud enough to hurt. It’s depressing to learn I still love him madly, that he still has the same affect on me.

“What are you doing here dressed like this?” I motion to his coat. “You’re not at the Met ballet…” I sniff, rub my nose, “Or maybe you’re headed there.”

Picturing him on a date with anyone makes me literally mental. Like rage against the machine, head banging crazy. Best not go there.

“No,” he says, with all the confidence in the world. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

I’m on the verge of tears AGAIN. For the millionth time they bubble up and sting my eyes. “Why are you here Jordan?”

“I’m here because I love you. I’m here because no one is ever going to love you like I do…You’re the love of my life Riley. You and only you.”

Tears fall down my face, burning the skin of my cheeks raw from the frigid temperature. “If I had any sense at all, I would’ve told you that night we met. I would’ve told you sooner, but I’m an idiot and a fool…I’m never going to stop trying, Riley. And if I have to tell you that I love you every single day for you to believe me, then I will…I won’t stop unless you tell me to.”

I wipe my cheeks, my eyes. I don’t know why I’m fighting it anymore. Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? Don’t I deserve another chance?

“This is for you.” He pulls out a long thick envelope from the inside pocket of his fancy dark coat. “I would’ve been here sooner, but this took a while.”

Gingerly, I open the seal and pull the papers out…

The deed to the Anderson House in Chatam.

The deed to this house.

The deed to my investment property.

“I paid too much for that one. It’s a mess.”

I laugh, I cry, I laugh. “I haven’t renovated it yet…This is too much. I can’t accept this.”

“This doesn’t mean anything, baby. I just want you to have them…it’ll make me feel better.”

My smile fades. It’s time to make a decision. And what I know in my soul is that you never know what life has in store. How much time you have left. Don’t ever let a chance to tell someone you love them pass through your fingers. You may not get another one. Words are cheap, but regret is expensive.

I step closer, wrap my arms around his waist, feel his warmth, his loving heart beating fast while he wraps his coat around my shoulders. Jordan will always be my one and only love, my person, my mate.