His eyes softened, love and awe shining openly back at me. “Without you, nothing else matters,” he mumbled, and placed a brief kiss on my nose. “I have a team of lawyers that will protect the bank, ensure total anonymity. I want this to go away. There are so many things I want to share with you. Besides, I didn’t get to where I am today by being careless.”
“I didn’t mean to imply that. I’m embarrassed…and worried for you…and it’s a lot of money.”
“There’s nothing for you to worry about. Trust me when I say that it will be the best money I will ever spend.”
A tear ran down my temple as I swallowed the guilt choking me. I was going to hurt this wonderful man, maybe irrevocably. How was I going to live with myself? I understood him better than ever at that moment, understood what had led him down that dark path of self-destruction for so many years. I kissed him, pouring all the love in my heart into that one tender touch, and whispered ‘I love you’ over and over again in the hope that when he was hurting the most, he would remember this moment.
* * *
I folded some of my old clothes and placed them in a plastic bag. I certainly couldn’t walk out of the house with my valise when I had Gideon watching me as attentively as a prison warden. I mentioned to Sebastian that I was going to Sunday mass that morning, after he woke me at dawn and made love to me until I begged him to stop, soaked in pleasure, sated beyond imagination. He smirked and said he would join me but he didn’t want the church to catch on fire, said he would go for a swim instead.
There was a new level of abandon in his lovemaking. I saw it in his eyes, felt it in the way he touched me. He had taken down the last brick of his protective wall. He was all in––his heart placed in my safekeeping…and I was going to break it.
I was in a state of high anxiety all morning. I turned on every faucet in the bathroom while I puked my guts out, praying he wouldn’t suspect anything. When he went downstairs for breakfast, I did my best to pretend it was a routine morning on my day off and dressed for church in the slim, cropped pants and the white cotton shirt. I was brushing my hair when he snuck up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Curving his tall, muscular body around mine, he pressed his hips against my rear end and a warm glow spread from my hairline to my toes. I closed my eyes and rocked back into him.
“What time will you be back?” he asked, placing a string of kisses on my throat. I leaned my head to the side, giving him unfettered access, and watched in the mirror with a sense of detachment, my mind shutting out the pain threatening to crush me.
“Around noon.”
“I want to take the boat out on the lake. Marianne is packing lunch for us.”
When I didn’t respond, his warm, inquiring eyes met mine in the mirror. “Do you feel up to it?”
“I’d like that,” I replied, smiling weakly. I turned in his embrace and threw my arms around his neck, encouraging him to lower his head.
“I love you more than anything. Always remember that…promise me you’ll never forget.” His mouth perked up and amusement appeared in his eyes. “Promise me,” I repeated, more sternly this time.
“Okay, I promise.” He smacked my lips loudly and slapped my rear end. “If I don’t get going I’m gonna have to take a cold shower,” he mumbled.
He threw one of his sexy smiles over his bare shoulder as he walked away. I held onto the edge of the counter for dear life, my willpower disintegrating under pressure as I battled the urge to run after him and confess everything.
“I love you,” I called out instead.
“Back at you, lover,” he shouted, his voice fading away.
And just like that…he was gone.
Gideon was sitting at the counter drinking his coffee when I walked into the kitchen. His eyes immediately snapped to the plastic bag in my hand.
“Oh, if I’d known you were taking clothes to church for the poor, I would have asked the other’s if they had anything they wished to donate. Next time, let me know,” Marianne said, handing me a freshly made cappuccino in a tall mug. That seemed to appease Gideon’s suspicions. His face relaxed visibly.
Thank you, Marianne.
“That smells delicious. Thank you, madame.”
I walked around the counter and hugged her. Surprised by my display of affection, her doughy arms flapped before they came to rest on my back.
Another betrayal. I would miss her terribly.