Bulldozer (Hard to Love 3)

He humbles me, this man I love so much. I don’t know what I did to deserve him but I won’t question my good fortune and I won’t let him go.

Wet vivid blue eyes watch me as I take slow steps.

“Good,” I say as I approach his bed.

“Good?” He looks more than a little disappointed. I almost chuckle.

“I would hate to be the only one that feels that way.” I take a sip of my almost finished latte.

The change in his expression is immediate and heart-arrestingly beautiful in its honesty. He smiles so wide I fear it may permanently scar his gorgeous face.

“Get over here,” he orders, his eyes sparking with lust and glistening from unshed tears.

I don’t need to be asked twice to walk into his open arms. Very, very, very gently, that is. Sitting on his bed, I very gently, taking care not to jostle him too much, face-plant into the curve of his neck. And the minute I’m there, wrapped up in him, in comfort and love, in his scent, that mix of soap and bergamot lurking under the veil of antiseptic, the tears I was holding back gush out, soaking his hospital gown.

“You scared me to death, you big jerk.”

I don’t know how much of that he caught, the sound muffled by an influx of emotion and polyester. Curling my long fingers around the scratchy fabric, I hold on for dear life. Needing him to be safe and healthy. Needing him period. If I could tuck him inside my heart and hide him away from the world, I would.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is low and strained. His stubbled cheek resting on top of my head, Grant strokes my back, my arms, making me shiver and burrow deeper into his broad chest.

I take a deep breath. My heart chakra beaming.

I’ve been looking for a safe place, somewhere to call home my entire life and never once did it cross my mind that that home, that safe place, would be the arms of another person. And now I know why. It wasn’t a feeling I was chasing and it sure wasn’t a place. It was him. It was always him.

“I didn’t mean to do that to you. I’m never doing that to you again…promise.”

That stops my tears in their tracks. “What? What does that mean?” I ask with barely contained hope germinating in my chest.

He takes hold of my shoulders and pulls me back to search my face. Warm hands glide up my neck and pay reverence to my face, his thumbs gently stroking my cheeks. Those electric blue eyes meet mine, communicating the importance of what’s about to come.

“That I’m done.”

It takes me a while to process the information, my mind dissecting every syllable, turning every word upside down to make sure I got it right.

“I was going to announce it at the end of the game.” He gives me a wry smile at the obvious stroke of bad luck.

And even more time to temper my unabashed joy when it finally sinks in. On the other hand, as overwhelmed with relief as I am, I know what this means for him. The loss he feels…the fear.

It would be wrong of me to celebrate. I’ll dance the jig later. Yeah, later. When I’m alone in the car and can blast my ’90s rap. Then I’ll carry on like a maniac. Maybe even twerk a little.

“I know what football means to you and I’m sorry––but I’m selfish when it comes to you.” The thought has my lungs stalling and my stomach dropping. I chew on the inside of my cheek to stop my jaw from trembling. “I want you forever.”

He tips up my chin, looks me squarely in the eyes. “Before I blacked out, all I could think about was you and Sam. How it must’ve looked and––” He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “My family means more to me than a fucking game.”

If I wasn’t sitting on the bed, I would be a blubbering puddle at his feet. Every time I think I couldn’t possibly love this man any more than I already do, he keeps making a liar out of me.

I get it now. The knowledge dropping on me all at once. Love isn’t finite. There’s no measure to it. It stretches time and space, loops back around, and expands again. Real love, the selfless kind, transcends our own needs but doesn’t leave us poorer, with less, it enriches us in ways we can’t even quantify…beyond our wildest dreams.

“Grant!” Sam tears into the room and launches himself at the man of the hour, diving headfirst.

Sound gets caught in my throat. My eyes bulge. I suck in air, about to faint from the fear that, in Sam’s excitement, he could hurt Grant. That’s when Cal appears out of thin air and plucks Sam by the arms right as he’s about to hit Grant in the chest.