“No, it’s not him,” I protest, shaking my head. “I’ve been feeling like this since I decided to leave New York.”
“I thought you wanted to go to school?”
“I do, but for what?”
She shrugs. “Music?”
“See, you don’t know, and I sure as shit don’t know. So, what am I doing? I’m singing in a bar because my mom won’t let me sit on my ass and spend the money I already made.”
She snorts. “Aunt Elli was always so weird about that. My mom didn’t care.”
“Or she didn’t want to raise selfish, entitled, little assholes. Though, the boys are skating that line.”
She laughs. “You know you’re okay, right? It’s only been a week.”
“A week longer than I planned to not have a plan. Posey would have already had a plan.”
“Posey’s already planned out her life,” Amelia adds, and I nod. “It’s okay. You’ll figure it out.”
I just don’t feel that way, though. I feel lost.
When I look up, I see my mom.
With Aiden.
She walks with him, laughing as he talks with his hands, looking so damn excited. It was his first day. I’m sure he is thrilled. He looked great out there, like one of the guys, when I peeked out before starting my workout. But that’s him; he belongs on the ice. They could throw him on any team, and he’d adjust. He’s one hell of a player.
My mom sees me, and she tilts her head to the side. “Mom is coming, and I’m about to get the third degree ’cause my face is beet-red and tear-streaked.”
“May the force be with you.”
“Thanks.”
“But really, Shelli, you’re okay. Don’t let that dumbass get in your head.”
I nod before blowing her a kiss. I hang up as my mom starts for me. Aiden stands there watching, a stricken look covering his handsome face. Damn it. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I wipe my face as I watch my mom get into the truck. Her brows are raised and almost in her hairline. Her auburn hair is up in a high and tight bun, while her makeup is flawless. She’s wearing a pantsuit with heels that are so high, I don’t understand how she walks in them.
But that’s my mom—a masterpiece.
“Shelli baby, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” she asks as she wipes my face with the back of her hand.
I move away from her hand, taking a shuddery breath. I tell my mom a lot of stuff most daughters wouldn’t. She knew when I had my first kiss and when I lost my virginity. I used to tell her all the time how in love with Aiden Brooks I was, and she would just laugh, thinking I was so adorable. I never told her about the drug use in New York, but she knew I drank. Even before it was legal for me. She knew about the men I’d slept with, she even knew about Nico, but there is no way in hell I can tell her about Aiden.
As much as I would like to wear his penis as a necklace right now, I don’t want to ruin his career.
I wipe my face free of tears as I shake my head. “I’m just feeling a little lost.”
When I look at her, she is eyeing me. While it’s not the whole truth, it is part of the emotional breakdown I am having. “How so?”
“I don’t know. I thought coming home was the answer, but I’m worried that it wasn’t.”
She nods, her emerald eyes searching mine. “Do you regret leaving the show?”
I shake my head. “Not at all. I wanted that. I needed that. But now that I’m home, what am I doing? I can’t go to school yet, and when I do, what am I going for? I just feel lost, unsure, and I hate that feeling.”
I don’t know how my mom does it, but she gathers me up and brings me into her lap. The steering wheel is making for a tight fit, but I don’t think either of us cares. She kisses my temple, and I smile as she taps my hands. “You can do whatever the hell you want to do. Do you want to study music?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I thought I did, but what am I going to do? I did the performing thing. I don’t want to do it again.”
“Okay… Would you like to write? Teach?”
“I don’t know.”
“Honey, what do you want?”
“Mom, I’m literally telling you I have no idea,” I deadpan, and she laughs before kissing me again.
She moves the baby hairs out of my eyes before taking my chin in her hand. “You know what I always thought you’d do?”
“Stay on Broadway?”
She shakes her head. “I knew you’d get sick of it and come home. You love Nashville.”
“I do.”
She gives me a small smile as she wraps her arm around my shoulders. “I always thought you’d take over from me.”