“It is.”
“How’s school?”
“School, man—I’m kicking ass and taking names.”
“Nice. You don’t miss us, do you?”
“Nope,” he teases. “I’m happy out here. Thinking about staying after I graduate.”
“Really? That’s surprising.”
“Yeah, I love it.”
“That’s awesome, dude.” I mean it. Whatever makes the guy happy.
“How about you? Love being home?”
“Eh,” I laugh. “I thought I’d enjoy it more, but it’s only been a week and Dad already lit into me.”
“No way. His golden child prodigy? Never!”
“Ha. If you asked him, I’m the mud on the bottom of his shoe right now.”
Asher’s laughter falls off. “Wait. It’s not about that bullshit from last year, is it?”
“No,” I say quickly. “He says I need to grow the fuck up. His words, not mine.”
“Damn. What did you do?”
Even with the eight years between us, Asher has and always will be my best friend. He’s the yin to my yang. He’s totally different, but he gets me. And while I have no clue what he’s talking about when he gets all smart on me, I’d die for the dude. He’s a good brother. Great, even. When everything happened last year, I didn’t call my parents first. I called Asher. So spilling the beans on my situation with Shelli is easy enough.
“So. Wait. Sorry.” He laughs when I’m done telling him, and then he takes in a deep breath. “Dude, you slept with Shelli Adler?”
“I did.”
“You know that’s bad, right?”
“Depends how you look at it. We had a great time, but the Adlers will kill me.”
“Exactly!” he yells, and then he laughs again. “I’m so jealous. She’s so damn hot.”
“I didn’t know it was her.”
“Yeah, I don’t know how you didn’t, because I would know Shelli Adler a million miles away. She’s stunning. Don’t you follow her on Instagram? I mean, holy fuck, she’s gorgeous.”
“No, because for the longest time, she was ten.”
“She is not ten, dude. I mean, she’s a ten for sure. Jesus, she posted this picture of herself in this black dress… I swear, if she bent over…ass for days.”
“Wow. Do you have a thing for her?” I ask, and I’m confused by the knot in my chest. I don’t like that he’s talking about Shelli that way.
He scoffs. “Have you seen her? Everyone has a thing for Shelli Adler. She’s gorgeous.”
“We need to move on. You’re pissing me off,” I say, getting more annoyed. “But Dad says I was an asshole to her and I need to apologize.”
Asher tsks at me. “You do know our parents fucked you up?”
“Wait, what?”
“For real. Look at me, Stella, and Emery—we don’t have these issues because we only saw Mom and Dad after they got together. You saw them before and during, so you’re all scared to feel something, which is why you sleep around like you do. Why you won’t allow yourself to actually get close to someone.”
“What’s your point?” I ask, bored. I heard this not even ten minutes ago.
Asher laughs. “My point is Shelli scares the fuck out of you because she knows you, and you know her. Feelings could happen in a snap, and you don’t want that. You don’t know how to handle what you’re feeling, so you just turn into a jackass.”
“That’s bullshit. I’m not feeling shit because nothing could ever happen—even if I wanted it to. She’s her, and I’m me. My career could be ruined.”
“Likely excuse.”
“What does that mean?”
“Means until you get your head out of your ass and realize there is more to life than just fucking around, you’ll always be like this. Your career wouldn’t be ruined if you had a meaningful, loving relationship with her.”
There is a knot in my throat. “Are you high? I told you to be careful with those brownies out there.”
He laughs. “Seriously.”
“That will never happen, and there is nothing wrong with me. I’m good.”
“You’re lonely. You’ve never been in a relationship—”
“And I don’t want to be in one with her, that’s for damn sure.”
“Or you really do, and you don’t like the way that makes you feel.”
“What the hell? You know nothing!”
He scoffs. “I’ve been in a committed relationship for nine months. I know a thing or two. It’s pretty cool.”
My eyes narrow. “You’re still with that chick?”
“Jasmine. Yeah, it’s nice.”
“No, that’s dumb. You’re gonna break up and then feel like shit.”
Asher laughs. “Please tell me more about how Mom and Dad didn’t fuck you up?”
My face scrunches up as I pull into Brooks House. My mom and dad’s history has nothing to do with me. Yeah, I saw it all go down. I still remember the nights my aunt would hold my mom as she cried. Mom always felt like she was failing me because I didn’t have a dad. I was curious. I wanted a dad, but I loved my mom, I loved my aunt, I was okay. But then my dad came along, and I learned what it was like to be great. Dad completed us. But even so, I never forgot the way my mom would cry. Or how mad she would get at him. He’d hurt her, and she’d hurt him too. Yes, I’ve seen them be the happiest they’ve ever been, but the pain is there. Guilt. I don’t want that.