“I love this song.”
“Me too,” I answer groggily.
“The first nine hundred times you played it. I now hate it.”
I won’t apologize. “You know where the door is.”
“Wow, this is very Lilo of you.”
He has always gotten me. Since Shelli was always off doing something and the twins were each other’s best friend, Quinn and I spent a lot of our downtime together. Plus, I’m the only one who would babysit his ass. He doesn’t sit still for long, is constantly trying to cut open a frog, and yeah, he’s an interesting dude.
“I thought so,” I answer on an exhale. “Please leave.”
“Naw. I feel you need some company.”
“I don’t,” I promise, squeezing my eyes shut. “I just want to be left alone.”
“Everyone is worried.”
“I doubt that,” I say softly, and I’m sure he can’t hear me over the volume of Lewis. “I’m not Shelli.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t be like that. Everyone loves you, even if you don’t want to feel that right now,” he suggests, and I shrug. “Don’t let what happened with Maxim come out as no one loving you. That’s not the case, and you know it. Everyone loves you, more than you know, but we get it, you’re just upset.”
He is spot-on, but right now, I don’t want to hear that. I want to think that the reason I feel this way isn’t because I was rejected, but because no one loves me. That I am alone and pathetic. It’s way better than accepting the rejection of the person I loved. I open my eyes slowly, wiping under them before looking over at my brother. We look a lot alike, though his hair is more black than auburn. Quinn isn’t as thick as me either, slim like my dad. All the boys are thin, though Evan is a little thicker. Makes him look scary, which is great for the ice. “Why doesn’t he love me?”
Quinn reaches over, squeezing my shoulder. “Because he couldn’t see the perfection before him.” Leave it to my brother to bring on a new round of tears. “But you knew this, and you still continued to try to get him to like you. And Posey, it wasn’t you. You were trying too hard to be a version of someone he wanted instead of being yourself. You are amazing. Just you.”
I blink. “How are you so wise but such a pain in the ass?”
“I really don’t know. It’s kinda kooky up here,” he says, pointing to his head. “But I also watch a lot of Dr. Phil when I get home and on the way to games. Ellen got me into it.”
I grin as I wipe my face. “I just wanted so badly for him to love me.”
“Eh, I never saw it.”
I perk my brow. “You didn’t?”
“No,” he says simply, leaning on his knees. “Like, I love looking at Ellen. She is beautiful and stunning, and she’s funny, ya know? I felt like you were a means to an end for Maxim. He needed to learn English, and you could help his game. I think you were never gonna break in to the category of someone who could be more to him.”
I blink once more. Utterly confused as to how my seventeen-year-old brother is schooling me on my love life right now. I’ll give it to him—he’s been dating Ellen since his seventh-grade year, and she’s amazing—but is it pathetic that I’m jealous of him? Hell, of her?
“You’re better than this, sis. Seriously. Get up. Go forth in life. You have the world at your feet. It’s an oyster, and you are the clam—”
“Please God, stop,” I beg as I shut off my phone, putting a stop to Lewis. I clear my throat and wipe my face once more before I sit up. When I glance over at Quinn, he’s grinning from ear to ear. “I guess I should eat.”
“I feel it’s a good idea.”
“Is Mom still mad?”
“That you used her credit card to fly to Colorado? Just a bit.”
“And Dad?”
“Oh yeah. He’s pissed and real glad he sent Maxim away.”
I exhale heavily, replaying it all. Was it worth it? The rejection and the scolding from my family? I want to say no. I gained literally nothing from telling him how I felt. Yet, I know if I hadn’t, I would always have that “what-if.” Now there is no “what-if.” Maxim doesn’t want anything from me, and there is nothing more to it. Like Quinn said, I think I always knew too, which is the sad part. There were times when Maxim could have kissed me, when I wanted him to, but he didn’t. We shared a bed together, yet he never copped a feel. I would change in front of him—yeah, I had my bra on—but still, nothing.
Fuck, I knew the entire time, but I still went after him.