And I can’t wait to show her.
Chapter Ten
Amelia
It’s easy to say I tossed and turned all night. Chandler’s words played over and over in my head.
“You couldn’t be. You have no clue what I am capable of.”
I don’t, and I’m not sure I want to find out what he’s capable of. It terrifies me but, at the same time, excites me. That is probably why I’m considered a difficult person. I don’t even understand myself half the darn time. But I want to know what he is talking about. I want to be on the receiving end of him breaking down my walls. For so long, I’ve wanted someone to fight for me, but it hasn’t happened. I basically gave myself to Drew when he asked, and he never did anything to keep me. But I stayed, like an idiot.
Which is why I don’t know if I am ready to jump into something with another man. What if I make the same mistakes? What if I’m just not good when it comes to love? I want love so badly that I take what is given to me. I want what my parents had. I want a man to look at me and see his world. I want to wake up knowing I am completely safe. I want to be loved. How do I even know if Chandler could do that for me? I was with Drew for so many years, loved him with everything inside of me. I thought it was the same for him, but then it all changed.
What if men like my father, or even my uncle, don’t exist anymore?
But what if they do, and I was just stuck with the bottom of the barrel for too long?
Ugh. Why is life so complicated? There should be a map. It doesn’t need to tell you who you’re supposed to be with, but it leads you to where you are supposed to be. In that spot will be your perfect match, a man who will love you unconditionally. You’ll know when you see him. But no. Instead, I’m left wandering around the world, thinking I’m making a mistake left and right.
In life and in love.
As I drive toward Perk Me Up, I let out a long yawn. I want nothing more than to turn around to go back home. Curl up in my bed and try to sleep without thinking of Chandler. As much as I want him, I can’t shake the feeling that it would be a bad idea. He’s too good of a dude. Everyone is all for a nice rebound guy, but I’m not sure Chandler actually is the right kind of guy to use as a rebound. He could be more, but I don’t want to get involved with him, only to find that I’m not ready for more.
Blah.
When my phone rings, it comes over the Bluetooth. I glance at the display and see that it’s Shelli.
“Hey.”
“Hey, you,” she says happily. “Whatcha doin’?”
“Heading to work.”
“Boo. I thought you were gonna quit.”
“I was, but then what the hell would I do with my time? I’d drive myself crazy.”
“True,” she says. “You got time to talk?”
“Yeah, about ten minutes.”
“Fantastic. So get this. I’m on stage and I’m singing, but I don’t notice my skirt gets caught on one of the props.”
She pauses, and I giggle. “Oh no.”
“Yup, rips my skirt clean off. So while I was finishing the number, one of the stagehands had to come out and wrap a towel around my bare ass.”
“The show must go on,” I tease, and she scoffs.
“Exactly.” We giggle together, and I shake my head. She is one hell of a singer, but she has the worst luck onstage. “I booked my ticket for next week. It’s still cool I come?”
“You don’t even have to ask. I’m looking forward to it.”
“Great. Since you’re going to work, I assume Aunt Grace already left?”
“Yeah, yesterday.”
“Everything went well I guess, since I didn’t get any panicked texts.”
I smile. “It was wonderful. She apologized, I apologized, and we hardly ever spoke of Drew.”
“I feel that’s a winning visit.”
“That’s what I think too.”
“Did she ask about why you left?”
My shoulders droop as my heart starts to pound. I hate lying to my mom. I do. But I had no choice. “Yeah, she saw his check on the counter and asked about it since, you know, there was a prenup and all.”
“So what did you say?”
“That he cheated.”
“Amelia, you need to tell her the truth.”
“Why? It will cause so much shit that I do not want to deal with. I can see Ryan and Uncle Shea going after him. I don’t need that. It’s over.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“It’s been over, and I got out. They already know he’s scum, so in my opinion, I’m just letting it be.”
She doesn’t seem pleased, but she doesn’t argue. “True. I’m just glad y’all are speaking again.”